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Christian Mysticism/i think there's something severly wrong with me


i think there's something severely wrong with me. i don't know what. i read somewhere that black red and orange are satanic colours...and my hair is black. it was red when i was little, literally red, not orange. since the womb, i had trouble eating. i wouldn't eat. i was born very malnuritioned and i was always ill as a child. it's like i'm cursed or something. i recently dyed my hair blonde. my whole life i've bullied, tortured, almost kidnapped. people say i'm common. i don't know what's wrong with me at all...but i know something is.


Thank you for writing.

While we humans may assign colors to various things, no spiritual being has a claim to any set of colors, even if their followers may claim them. Red and black are also pretty standard colors for various countries' flags, and associated with Apache Indians as well.

So my first observation would be to not worry about colors. They are simply and only reflections of the visisble light spectrum. They carry no spiritual significance at all.

It sounds like you have had some considerable challenges and scary situations. However, none of those define who you are. You are you, made in the image of God. You are probably not cursed.

You might want to speak to one or more of the following people to help you sort these concerns out.
--Your pastor, or a pastor if you don't have one. This person, if they are qualified, might be able to help you work through your concerns about curses and how much God loves you.
--A spiritual director. This person should be able to help you listen to God, to pray, to discern God's calling on your life. You would want to find one that is both Christian and can at least work with your preferred Christian tradition.
--A Therapist. Sometimes our worlds get so jumbled we could use some help to sort out the details. Therapists are trained to help people do just that. If you'd prefer, you might look for a Christian counselor which would be a licensed therapist who also has a graduate degree in Bible, ministry, divinity, theology, or something similar. They should be able to join both regular therapy insights and Christian beliefs.

May our God grant you peace along your path.



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Hoyt Roberson


I can address general questions specifically about Christian mysticism, and more specific questions about writers and their writings, spiritual formation and direction, and how Christian mysticism "fits" within the Christian view. Further, I can draw connections and illustrate commonalities among Christian, Jewish, Muslim, and Zen spiritualities. I am not an expert on and will not answer questions about other forms of mysticism, or the occult. If your question has to do with Christian mysticism, I'll be happy to respond.


I have an MS in Ministry, and an Masters of Counseling in Marriage and Family Therapy, have provided spiritual direction for more than ten years, am a member of our local spiritual directors group, have an extensive library of Christian writings on spirituality and mysticism, and have provided pastoral care for Christians and non-Christians, also for more than ten years.

Our local Spiritual Directors group A local congregation

MS, Ministry MC, Marriage and Family Therapy Have read and studied extensively Christian mystics and spiritual formation. My library probably has a couple hundred books on just this topic.

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