Expert: Marsha I. - 10/7/2008

Question
QUESTION: Hi. I suffer from bipolar. I think that I have had something all of my life. My
brother has been dealing with it for 15 years. Mine came on when my wife
divorced me in 2001. This was a very traumatic and difficult time in my life. I
lost everything. I ended up in a mental hospital twice. Over the past several
years I have tried so many combinations of drugs. Until recently, I think that I
may have found a combination that might work. I have lost heart. I get
anxiety attacks and at times I am very fearful. I have been alone for three
months after blowing up another relationship. God is working but I can't help
but to ask why? This is the most painful experience that I have ever gone
through and I have had to deal with allot of difficult life situations. Any
encouraging word would be appreciated. I am moving to some dear friend
home where I will at least have people that I love near me. I am 51 and feel
like a little bird that needs to get out of the nest but I don't know how to walk
this stuff out. I have been in survivor mode for many years now and I am exhausted! Thanks. Jeff

ANSWER: I am glad that you wrote to me.  Bipolar has touched my life in a personal way.  My husband is bipolar.  It was a traumatic time that brought his to light as well and it took many months of experimentation to find the right combination of medications to keep him stable.  Having lived with this as a spouse, I can understand a little bit about your situation and I know it is not easy for you.  

I know my husband asked the same questions as you.  Why?  While God doesn't always reveal why to us, this situation has taught us to trust God's sovereignty in our lives.  Sometimes we hang onto things and people more tightly than we hang onto God and He has to knock all the props out from under us to get us to the place where we realize we must find our fulfillment in Him alone.  This is the place where God took us during those dark days before my husband became stabilized.  

I know my husband could identify with your living in survival mode and being exhausted.  That is where he is most every day because not only does he have bipolar but he has sleep issues and rarely sleeps well at night.  I so much sympathize with where you are at since I walk this path with my husband daily.

I don't know if you like to read or not, but there are some wonderful books that might be helpful to you.

Spiritual Depression: Its Causes and Cure by D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones
Depression: A Stubborn Darkness by Edward T. Welch

My husband has made some changes in his daily routine that has helped him stay out of the pit that might be helpful to you.
Don't watch the TV news.  They always report all the bad stuff and it just causes one to be filled with anxiety.
If you want to know what's going on, read limited amounts of the headlines online, but limit yourself and don't do it before bedtime.
Find something you can do that will benefit others.  This took some time for my husband to figure out, but in the last week or so, he finally found something he enjoys that helps others.  He takes in old computer equipment that people don't want and are willing to give him, fixes up the ones he can and donates them to people who can't afford to buy computers.  The others he donates to a man who has room to save them for the National Guard and they take them once a year and use the parts to make good computers for needy people.  See if you can find some sort of "hobby", something you enjoy that you can use to help others.

Get into a good Bible believing church where you are taught the great truths of Scripture like God's sovereignty.

Last but not least...in fact maybe most important is that you develop your relationship with the Lord through daily Bible reading and prayer and scripture memorization.  Choose scriptures that speak to your situation to memorize.  You mention anxiety and fear...here are some scriptures that speak to this:

2 Timothy 1:7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

When fear grips you, read and quote this verse to yourself.  If God has not given us the spirit of fear, then who has?  Realize this is not from God and pray for Him to take away this spirit of fear from you.

1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Matthew 6:25 ¶ Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?
26 Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?
27  Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?
28 And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:
29 And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
30 Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?
31 Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?
32 (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.
33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.
(KJV)

Psalm 42:5 Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance.
6 ¶ O my God, my soul is cast down within me: therefore will I remember thee from the land of Jordan, and of the Hermonites, from the hill Mizar.
7 Deep calleth unto deep at the noise of thy waterspouts: all thy waves and thy billows are gone over me.
8 Yet the LORD will command his lovingkindness in the daytime, and in the night his song shall be with me, and my prayer unto the God of my life.
9 I will say unto God my rock, Why hast thou forgotten me? why go I mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?
10 As with a sword in my bones, mine enemies reproach me; while they say daily unto me, Where is thy God?
11 Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.
(KJV)

I hope that some of these scriptures will have comfort and  meaning to you.  Right now I am doing a series of devotionals on my blog on the purposes for suffering.  Some of them might be of help to you.  I am on The Purpose for Suffering #7 right now.  There will be 14 of them.  I post one each Sunday.  You can find all the past ones on this topic at my blog by clicking on the label in my side bar that says "Purposes for Suffering". http://middings.blogspot.com

Please know that God loves you very much and this is the time to find your fulfillment in Him and get to know Him as the Loving Father that He is.  During dark days God's smiling face seems shrouded, but He is there behind the clouds and He cares very much.
Marsha


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Please keep me in your prayers. I have lost two very important relationships
due to this disease. The first time we didn't know what was going on. My wife
left me after 23 years. This triggered a huge depression in my life that for the
past 7 years I have been working to solve the symptoms with various
medications. My second wife is a marriage and family therapist. I thought that
she would understand but it got to be too much for her too. I had to leave in
June with a huge loss and on the wrong meds. I purposed in my heart to seek
the Lord. I felt like I needed to go to my first wife and three kids to seek
forgiveness before coming to the Throne of Grace. I did this. Since then I have
been living alone and feel very isolated now for the past 4 months. So going
to my friends house will be a chance for me to get out and get my "sea legs".
I leave tomorrow and I have a combination of meds that seem like they are
working. I am so terribly lonely and feel like this hell will never stop. Tonight I
am just telling myself that I am just going for a drive and everything will be
alright. Thank you for sharing about you life and your husbands bipolar. God
Bless you for sticking with him during this time in his life. He is a lucky man!


Answer
Since you have friends who are willing to take you in and help you, I think you are making a wise choice.  

Something that might be helpful to you would be get a daily planner and write down just three goals you want to accomplish each day.  Make them attainable short term goals that you can do in one day.  If it is great effort for you to get up and get going on things due to depression, then set a timer for 15 minutes and decide you will work on one of your goals for just 15 minutes.

Here are some examples of things you might want to do....
1. Clean out a drawer or suitcase & put the items away
2. Straighten up a room of the house, since you'll be a guest at someone else's house, you might ask if you'd be allowed to vacuum or dust to help out or just clean the room you stay in.
3. Go outside and pull weeds or work in the flowerbed or garden
4. Go for a 15 minute walk
5. Spend 15 minutes reading a fun book
6. If your friends have a dog, take it for a walk

By setting a few small obtainable goals and accomplishing them each day, you will build your confidence to set higher goals later.  Stay with small ones until they become easy for you, then add to it from there.  

In the beginning, after my husband was diagnosed,when he came home from the hospital, this is how he got through each day.  Even now he has to set goals for himself or he will just sit on the couch and do nothing.

God bless you as you seek His face.  Seeking Him is the first step and the most important step.  Find your worth in Him, not in those who will fail you. Christ died to save you, that's how much He loves you.  Cling to Him.
Marsha