AboutLucille Zimmerman Expertise Questions regarding Christianity, specifically in relation to counseling. I also have lots of
experience working with boundaries in relationship.
Experience I was a Bibles Study Fellowship (BSF) member for 8 years and small group leader for 4 years. I have been a Christian all my life, but committed my life to Christ 17 years ago. I have taught numerous Bible Studies and taught Sunday School to adults.
Organizations American Association of Christian Counselors, American Psychological Association, EMDRIA
Publications Several newspaper articles in my local paper (circ. 30,000). Working on a book about integration of theology and psychology.
Education/Credentials Master of Arts in Counseling (at a Christian University)
Awards and Honors Maintained a 3.95 GPA in graduate school.
Past/Present Clients I've worked with hundreds of clients in my private counseling practice which is Christian based.
Question Thank you for taking time to consider my question/s. My husband is that in name only due to his desire. This [separate bedrooms] has gone on for some 12 years, now. I have come to accept that we could still be friends and partners without having sex. We both attended church. We both confess Jesus Christ as Savior. We regularly read the Bible--I read it aloud--my husband cannot read but a few simple words due to a learning disability.
We have been married 26 years. I am older than he is. He is somewhat moody. He used to be very aggressive, but not nearly as much since he has seen a psychiatrist and takes medication.
He met some friends who are not Christians. He has become very attached to them. The divorced male influences him in hatred of women and ways to "win." The teenagers, a girl and boy are emotionally about his age, I think.
No matter what we have planned to do, if one of them call and ask him to take them somewhere, he is gone. That happened again this AM. I have just had surgery on my toes and am adjusting to taking my blood sugar and insulin shot. I needed him to be here until I could soak my toes and re-wrap them and test my blood sugar. He was gone.
I called him on the cell phone I pay for out of my Social Security check so I can get in touch with him if needed. He would not answer the cell. When he finally came home, his explanation was, Ana wanted to go to the Flea market and he did not answer the phone because he left it in his truck with Ana when he went into the drug store.
I have several questions, as I am concerned about this underage girl and boy, too. But for now, I will ask what I should do about my husband? I cannot seem to reach him. I have talked to him many times, he seems to agree and then does the same hurtful thing again.
He denies he is just using me, but what else is he doing? How do I get him out of my house without getting hurt? I live in a very isolated rural area. He makes nice in front of family members, on the rare occasions we see them. I do not think anyone will believe me. If they admit I am in an abusive situation, they would have to do something about it and no one wants to get involved. They have their own lives.
Should I talk to a pastor? A lawyer? A counselor? Or do what I am doing today--pretend nothing is different, speak to him if I have to and hope his friends do not call?
Answer Hi Julie,
Your problems are so multi-layered, and complicated. I do think a clinically-trained counselor would be the best option. Perhaps it would be just for you at this point. SInce you live in a rural area, would you consider counseling with someone via telephone? Or email? I believe it will be important for you to learn to set boundaries with him. Hopefully, when he realizes you're not going to do things the old way, he will consider doing marriage counseling with you.
