AboutDaryl Expertise God has provided us with a manual on how to live life to the fullest - The Bible. If you are looking for God's opinion on a subject, since His is the only opinion that counts, I will do my best to look through the Bible and find it for you. All the answers that I give will have nothing to do with tradition, my opinion, or any of man's ideas. This does not mean that I know everything, but it does mean that we will be looking to the right Source for the answer to your question!
Question QUESTION: I was thinking today and it bothered me about my salvation because I am unsure about it.
I said the Sinner's Prayer.
I believe and confessed that Jesus is the Son of the only Living GOD and died for my sins.
I asked Jesus to forgive me.
I do believe that GOD and Jesus exist.
I did this three times.
I confessed all of it with my mouth.
But I did it because I didn't want to go to hell.
I was also baptized when I was younger.
I never really tried to develop a close relationship with Him though nor have I really wanted to but yet I know that He is trying to have one with me.
I used to try and read my Bible and go to church and I do pray to GOD every night.I wish that I had a heart to seek Him more but how do I get that kind of heart?
Am I not saved now?
Oh and in your opinion,do you think that Barack Obama is the antichrist or something?
But every time I find myself wanting to draw closer to GOD.I sometimes feel like I do it still because I don't want to go to hell.As I said,I did what it ays in the BIBLE and when I confessed that I believe that Jesus died for my sins and rose again and still lives,I meant it very much because I do know that is what happened.But I still don't know if I want a further relationship with GOD.I asked Him to give me a heart to want to seek Him more.Does this mean that I am not saved?
Well when I confessed my beliefs,I meant it but I also did not want to go to hell.I truly do know and believe that Jesus died for my sins and that He rose again.I'm 13 by the way.I'm not confessing it just to be doing it.I got saved in 2002,2008,and 2009 but now I still feel like it is still not enough.If I am not saved then what's the point of living?I am desperately trying to do everything to get saved.And I am still not saved?I've did what it says in the BIBLE to be saved!I do believe what I am saying when I say it.I just feel like I don't get saved in order to seek GOD but all I know is that I do believe that Jesus died for my sins and that GOD raised Him back up from the dead.And I know that Jesus is still alive too!But the truth is that I confessed what I said in the sinner's prayer because I truly do believe that Jesus died for my sins and rose again and that He still lives and becaus eI didn't want to go to hell.So what is still wrong?
Someone just told me that if I had to ask if I am Saved then obviously I am not. I go to an Apostolic church but I am really Pentocostal.MY beliefs are that if you accept Jesus Christ as your personal Saviour and ask Him for forgiveness from your sins then you are saved.But of course different denominations have different beliefs on what actually makes you saved so if I went to a non denominational church it might make me confused. So if you don't mind,I will ask my question again.- Well when I was about 8,I asked for God's forgiveness but at the time,I did it because I didn't want to go to hell.I didn't really love GOD because I didn't really know Him that well.So then like 2 years later,I got the Holy Ghost but then I felt that my church was trying to really push me into it so I just all of a sudden shut down.About a year ago or a couple of months ago,I just decided that I didn't want to go to church anymore.I go once in a while but not every Sunday and I feel that if I am just going to make people happy and just to be there then that's a vain reason to go.If you're not there for GOD then there's no point in goingI tried reading my Bible and I started from the first chapter and tried to read the whole book in order.Well that got boring and I didn't understand anything so I stopped that too.So now,the only thing that I will do is pray and majority of the time,it's to ask for things.I'm not really sure if I love GOD because I haven't really got to know Him nor hae I really tried anymore.I know I have really backslided in that area.Does this mean that I am not saved?Or at least anymore now?So now I am not saved?!?!?!?!?!?!?!Now I might as well kill myself.The thing is that I don't know if my heart was into when I was eight,at the time,I Was a little willing to get to know GOD better but now I am hearing this?What are you saying now.Now I am not saved?Yes I do believe that He is the son of GOD and that He died for our sins so that we can be forgiven.I asked Him for forgiveness.At the time,I didn't want to go to hell but at the time,I was young and I wanted to I guess know Him better.But after that,I just drifted off.But now I don't even know if I am saved.Does it sound like I am saved?If I didn't ove GOD when I got saved then does this mean that I am not saved?Do I need to get saved again? I know this is terribly off subject.But now I am in even worse trouble if I am not saved.I feel even worse.They told me that I have to accept Jesus as my master which is what I thought accepting Him as my Saviour meant.It make sme want to commit suicide even more than before.Maybe my life is just going down the drain.I mean,I have everything academically and school-wise going for me.But everything else is just terrible. I live with my mom and she is on welfare and medical cards but yet my dad is rich.I don't live with my dad.But I live with my mom in an apartment building that my dad owns,he owns a lot. I guess you could say that my mom is middle class because we aren't poor.My dad always gives us the money to pay our bills and buy food and all of that stuff. So does this mean that I am poor? There are days when my mom doesn't have money.But we don't starve or don't have clothes but there are some days that there is nothing to eat (which is rare)because I eat up everything and she doesn't have time to go to the store or my dad hasn't given her the money. I am stuggling with my sexuality.I'm not pretty.I have bad thoughts and can not seem to get my mind together.And now I might not be saved?Please respond!
I don't feel good.I'm not alright.This makes me want to do something drastic.Like suicide!I asked Him into my heart but at the time,it was because I didn't want to go to hell or anything.Am I not saved then?Do I need to get saved again or something?
Also I am wondering if I have blaspemed.Sometimes when I say the word gay or something similar,I suddenly look at a picture of Jesus even though I wasn't talking about Him.Sometimes when I say the word gay or something similar,I suddenly look at a picture of Jesus even though I wasn't particulary talking about Him.And sometimes I think things that are blasphemous.I don't mean to think that way.And if I think,I don't say it.But after I do all of this,I ask for forgiveness.But it says that real Christians don't commit blasphemy so that means that I am not a true Christian and that I was never saved.But that means that I have to get saved all over again and I am getting sick of doing it over and over and over!I don't want to blasphemy either because I know what happens to people that do.So what do I do?Am I not saved or a Christian?And sometimes I think about blaspemy.I don't think that I really mean it if I have ever said or else I wouldn't want His forgiveness.I wouldn't even care for that matter.But I do care.I certainly don't curse GOD outloud habitatly.I do have bad thoughts but I ask for forgiveness right after them because I know that I don't mean to even think them,they just pop in my head.If I have ever said anything against GOD or Jesus,I haven't ever meant it,that's for sure.But it just bothers me.So now I might not even be a Christian?"
I also wonder if I have sold my soul.I sometimes think about selling it.And sometimes I say "If I don't do this then my soul is....."
I don't want to say the rest.I don't know if I have bet on my soul but yet I think that I have but I ask for forgiveness after it.I ask God to forgive me for it.But I don't want to sell my soul.Does this mean that I have?
ANSWER: Hi,
Well, it sounds like you’ve been doing a lot of thinking! I want to reassure you that if you believe that Jesus is God’s Son and that He died for you sins, and He is the one who can forgive you, then you are saved. You even said that the Bible SAYS that you are saved because of what you have done. Here is the scripture:
Romans 10: 9, 10
9 That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.
The Bible means what it says. Nothing has been recorded in the Bible without reason. You can rest easy that if the Bible says something, and confirms it throughout the Bible, then God means it!
But you’ve said that you don’t feel like you’re “saved”. Let me show you what the Bible says about that:
1 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
This scripture says that if you are “in Christ”, then you are a new “creature”. When I think of the word “creature”, pictures of a swamp monster come to mind, but what the Bible means when it says “creature” is: a created being (you or me) who owes its existence to someone else.
So if you’re a new creature, why do you look and feel the same? Why, like you said, do you not have a desire to pray, go to church, or get to know God more if you are a “new creature”? When you got saved by confessing that Jesus is your Lord, if you had brown eyes before you said the “sinner’s prayer”, then you had brown eyes after you said the prayer. In fact, every part of you looked EXACTLY the same. Then if the Bible says that you became something when you got saved, where is that something?
To help with that question, let’s look at a scripture where a man named Nicodemus goes to talk to Jesus about the miracles He had been performing. Jesus says to Nicodemus;
John 3:3
“I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again.”
Nicodemus then asks Jesus how it is possible for a man to go back into his mother’s womb and be “born again”. But Jesus explains that being “born again” isn’t about being physically reborn. He says:
John 3:6
Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit.
That’s what happened when you get “saved”. Your body, mind and emotions stayed exactly the same, but Jesus said that your spirit is recreated, or reborn. The Holy Spirit made your spirit brand new, but because we can’t see our spirits that have been reborn, it looks like nothing has happened! We walk around feeling exactly the same, thinking exactly the same, and looking exactly the same. So what does the Bible says that we must do to feel different, think different, and look different?
FEEL DIFFERENT:
Colossians 3:12 – 17
12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. 15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16 Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your heart. 17. Whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
Wow, that’s a pretty long scripture, but in it are a lot of keys to changing the way we feel about God. Let’s break it down:
1. Be compassionate, humble, gentle and patient
2. Forgive people who have done you wrong
3. Practice unconditional love. Love people regardless of who they are or what they can do for you
4. Be grateful for everything that you have. God is the One who gives you every breath that you breathe and every day that you live on this earth is a gift from Him. That is plenty to be thankful for!
5. Fill yourself up with God’s Word, and with that knowledge, thank God for all the things that you find out that He has done for you.
6. Do everything, every day, with Jesus in mind. Live for him!
By doing these things, and this is no small task, you will start to experience life differently, and because of that you will become more aware of God’s work in your life. Ultimately, you will feel different!
THINK DIFFERENT:
Romans 12:2a
And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind...
Because you said that you are 13, that means that you have been spending 13 years training yourself to think in a certain way. Your parents, your friends, and the circumstances around you have all had a huge influence on how you think. Because of that, you see God differently to everybody else. What I think about God is very different to what you think about God, which is very different to the way that your parents think about God. So, what is the right way to think about God? Where do we find the Truth so that when we think about God, we think of Him the way that He would like to be thought of?
That’s where the Bible comes in. The Bible is God’s Truth. It contains everything that we need to live a life filled with purpose and it describes God to us so that we can understand Him correctly. The world can’t decide what the truth is because they are all looking to different things to tell them what God is like, but as a Christian, you need to settle in your heart and mind that the Bible is God’s manual for life for you – no matter what other people say. You may not always understand what is written in it, but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t true! That just means that you have some learning to do!
That’s why Romans 12:2 says that we must renew our mind, or renew (change) the way we think. You got saved when you were 8, whether you felt like you were saved or not, but what has been wrong is that you have had the same way of thinking since then. You haven’t changed the way that you think so that you think more like God. That’s why reading your Bible is so important.
But like you said, you don’t understand what you’re reading. That’s where the Holy Spirit comes in. He is with you ready to help you to understand the Bible.
Jesus said:
John 16:13a
But when he, the Spirit of truth comes, (the Holy Spirit) he will guide you into all truth.
The Bible says that before Jesus went back to Heaven, He said that He would send the Holy Spirit to help us. One of the many things that the Holy Spirit does is guide us into all truth. So before you read your Bible, ask the Holy Spirit to help you to understand what you’re reading. You may not hear a voice booming from the sky, but as you are reading, things will become clearer. And if it doesn’t happen the first time, don’t be discouraged. Just like everything else in life, practice makes perfect. Just determine that you will get to the place where when you read the Bible, you will understand what you are reading because the Holy Spirit is helping you. God wants you to trust Him enough and work with Him!
What will also help is if you have a Bible that is easy to understand. It won’t help if you are reading everything in Elizabethan English! (Thus, thou, thee...) If you don’t already have one, get a Bible that is in easy to understand English and even has comments on what the Bible is saying. The Holy Spirit can even use someone else explaining something in the Bible to help you understand what you are reading!
Just remember, God put the Bible together for you to know how to live life, but it is only when you really are determined to find out what God has said in the Bible, that you will understand what is happening in there. The Bible only makes sense to people who are hungry to know what God has to say. That is why it is just a book to most of the people in the world. To me, the Bible is like a treasure chest; full of knowledge. It is only because I have spent time studying the Bible and asking God to show me what He wants me to see in there, that I have that attitude towards it.
Psalm 1:1 - 3 (Amplified Bible)
1 Blessed (happy, fortunate, prosperous, and enviable) is the man who walks and lives not in the counsel of the ungodly (following their advice, their plans and purposes), nor stands (submissive and inactive) in the path where sinners walk, nor sits down (to relax and rest) where the scornful (and the mockers) gather. 2 But his delight and desire are in the law of the Lord, and on His law (the precepts, the instructions, the teachings of God) he habitually meditates (ponders and studies) by day and by night. 3 And he shall be like a tree planted (and tended) by the streams of water, ready to bring forth its fruit in its season; his leaf shall not fade or wither, and everything he does shall prosper (and come to maturity).
Have you ever seen a picture of an oasis before? In the middle of a desert, where it hardly ever rains, there is a small pool of water with a few trees and plants around it. In the entire desert there is only a cactus here or there, but around this pool of water, are several trees. Why is that? Because trees thrive on water. Because there is water in that little pool, those trees are able to grow big and strong.
Psalm 1 says that we are like trees and that God’s Word (the Bible) is the water that we need to grow and stay strong. All around the world people are thirsty because they aren’t getting any water. They’re drinking something that they think is going to help them, but it just isn’t doing the job. As trees, they’re still so small and all of their leaves have dried up and died. Do you sometimes feels like that – like you’re just existing and there is no reason for being alive? Well, that is because you aren’t drinking any water!
Jesus said:
John 4:14a
...but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst.
What is the water that Jesus gives us? Psalm 1 says that it is: “the precepts, the instructions, and the teachings of God”.
I play and teach guitar for a living. When I started playing guitar, it would bother me (and it still does!) that I wasn’t able to do certain things on the guitar. I saw amazing guitarists playing amazing things, but I couldn’t get my fingers to move as fast as theirs. It was really hard and I often put my guitar down, not wanting to ever touch it again. But after a day or two, I would remember why I had started playing guitar in the first place: I wanted to play music and sound as good as my guitar heroes, so I’d pick up the guitar and try again. If I practiced hard enough this time, I would eventually get parts right that I wasn’t able to do previously, and there would still be times when I’d want to give up, but I would always go back because I had a dream: I wanted to play guitar well, so bad, that I was willing do anything to get there.
Life as a Christian is the same. Being a Christian isn’t easy. There are lots of times where I have given up. People in general, don’t like Christians. They don’t like to hear that they’re going to hell if they don’t get right with Jesus, so it makes life difficult for me to tell people about Jesus. But just like I have a dream with my guitar playing, I have a dream as a Christian.
You see, God created you and I for a purpose. We’re not here by accident. The way that we were born might seem coincidental but God knows why you’re here and He has good reason for you being alive. What you need to do to find out why you’re here, is follow Him. Do you know what my dream as a Christian is? I want to do everything that God created me for! I know that God gave me talents and abilities to do certain things on this earth and the only way that I will do those things is by following Him. That doesn’t mean that life will be easy, in fact, it more than likely means that life will be harder.
If I think of Britney Spears as an example: Most people think that she is very beautiful, and sings and dances well, but she isn’t doing it all for God. What if I had to tell her that God gave her those talents and that she was meant to use them for Him, most likely she would ignore me. Why? Because if she started singing and dancing for God, she wouldn’t be that popular anymore. That means that she wouldn’t make as much money as she does now. All of that looks very unpleasant to the average person and that is why a lot of people don’t use their talents the way that God would want them to.
I use my talents for God though. Is that because I don’t like money, or because I don’t like having people like me? No, because I do like having lots of money and I do like having people think well of me, but it all comes down to priorities. Something is far more important to me than having money and people having a good opinion of me.
Matthew 6:19, 20
19 Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; 20 but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal,
Jesus tells us here that we need to focus on eternity, on what’s going to happen to us when we get to heaven. When we leave this earth, all the material things that we spent every day working so hard for, will all be gone. The “treasure” that will be waiting for us in heaven is all the things that we did for God.
Philippians 4:16, 17
...for even when I was in Thessalonica, you sent me aid again and again when I was in need. 17 Not that I am looking for a gift, but I am looking for what may be credited to your account.
Here, Paul is writing to the church in Thessalonica, thanking them for the aid (money, food, and clothing) that they had sent him when he was in need. Note that he says that he isn’t thanking them so that they will give him more, but he was looking for “what may be credited” to their accounts. What does Paul mean when he says “account”? Is he talking about a bank account? Is Paul saying that when we do things like give to people that are doing God’s work, that something is being put into our bank account? Well yes, that’s exactly what Paul is saying! But where is this “account”? In heaven. Just like Jesus said, we can “store up” for ourselves treasure in heaven by doing the 6 things that I mentioned earlier in this letter! With that dream in mind, it gives me more inspiration to read the Bible and pray.
When I first starting reading my Bible and praying, thinking of what was waiting for me in heaven did inspire me, but what inspired me even more was my love for God. I saw that God’s kind of love, the love that the Bible tells us to have for God and for those around us, is a choice rather than a feeling. I didn’t read my Bible and pray because I felt like I loved God. I did it because I chose to love God no matter what I felt like. The “love” that the world has causes so many of the problems around us. The world’s love is based on feelings and selfish motives. People love other people only when they feel like they love them. The Bible didn’t say that we must love people when we feel like it. The Bible says that we must love because God told us to!
There are days when I don’t “feel” like I love my wife, but that doesn’t mean that we are no longer right for each other and need to get divorced. All it means is that I need to remember that I told her on our wedding day that I would love her until one of us died. I told her in front of lots of people, and most importantly, in front of God, and God holds me accountable for what I said. When I remind myself of my promise to my wife and to God, I make a decision that regardless of how I feel, I will choose to love my wife. Feelings follow choices. Not the other way around. You and I should never make a choice because of a feeling. Feelings come and go, but we can make our choices last forever!
So, just like I choose to love my wife no matter how I feel in the moment, I choose to love God no matter how I feel about Him. Because I have made that choice, I have done what He asks of me. I have studied the Bible. I have gone to church, I have forgiven and loved people, and I have spent the majority of my time with good Christian people. Because of all that, I have “grown” in love with God. I am so in love with God that I would gladly die for Him if that is what needed to happen. Getting to a place where you love someone that much, starts with a decision. I encourage you to make the decision that no matter how you feel about God, you will choose to love Him. (And remember that loving somebody doesn’t mean you feel like you love them! Loving someone means that you give your best for them!)
The last thing that I want to cover under the heading; “think different” is who you hang around with. Who you hang around with determines how you think. If you spend most of your time with friends and family that are sold out for God and that love pleasing Him, you will start to think the same way. But if you hang around with people that don’t believe in God, or that think that God is just a big bully, then you will start to think what they think. Choose who you spend your time with well! Your friends will determine how far you go in life!
LOOK DIFFERENT:
How do you make yourself look different because you’re saved?
Psalm 33:1 (Amplified Bible)
Rejoice in the Lord, O you (uncompromisingly) righteous (you upright in right standing with God); for praise is becoming and appropriate for those who are upright (in heart).
Psalm 147:1 (Amplified Bible)
Praise the Lord! For it is good to sing praises to our God, for He is gracious and lovely; praise is becoming and appropriate.
The word “becoming” in the dictionary means:
1. What suits or gives a pleasing effect or attractive appearance, as to a person or thing
2. To be attractive on; befit in appearance, look well on.
And the word “appropriate” means:
1. Suitable or fitting for a particular person.
So, to summarize, praising God is appropriate for us to do because that is what we have been made to do and when we praise God we look good!
I was once asked to list 100 things that I can be grateful for. I thought that it would be impossible, but I decided to at least try it. So I started:
1. I’m grateful that I can see properly
2. I’m grateful that I can walk
3. I’m grateful that have food to eat
4. I’m grateful that I have all my fingers, hands and feet
5. I’m grateful that...
And on and on I went for 15 minutes until I reached 100. I could EASILY think of 100 things to be grateful for! What tends to happen with us as people in this world, is that we get so discouraged by the 3 or 4 major things in our life that are not going well, that we think our lives are terrible. It’s only when we remind ourselves of all the good things we have, that we realise that we have so much to thank God for! Thanking God for the good things that we have makes us more aware of the positive in our life and it makes the bad things look less difficult to deal with. Of course when we are grateful, we look happier and in a world full of negativity, people can tell that there is something different about us. Try doing that and see what a difference it makes to your outlook on life!
So, after all that, I can say with confidence that you are saved and that you are going to heaven! You have not bet your soul and there is nothing in the Bible that talks about betting your “soul”. You are saved because you have done what Romans 10:9, 10 said. If you ever have a thought about whether or not you are saved, you need to tell yourself that you have done what the Bible says you must do to be saved, and that it that! What needs to happen now is for you to apply what I have given you here, and anything else that you find as you read through the Bible, and then you will be able to see a difference in your own life!
Now, about Barack Obama. I don’t know enough about who the Antichrist will be to say whether or not he is the Antichrist. All I know from what I’ve heard Barack Obama say is that he is not a man who serves Jesus. But the Bible says:
1 Timothy 2:1, 2
I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone – for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness.
The Bibles says that we must pray for the people who are running our countries, and because we choose to love God, we want to do what He asks us to do! So, whether Barack Obama is the Antichrist or not, God says that we must pray for him. That’s the best thing we can do for him!
I hope this has helped you!
You friend,
Daryl
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QUESTION: I haven't read the whole answer yet but I will for sure!And it really helped!I have to get off the subject for a second and asl a serious question.Okay there is this older guy(I'm 13) that I talk to over the internet and we have very sexual coversations,now I haven't ever had sex before but I guess we do what you can call cybersex.Does this mean that I lost my virginity and is this a sin and can it be forgiven?
ANSWER: Hi again,
To answer your question we’ll look at what the Bible says about this kind of things, as well as the psychological effect “cyber sex” has on a person.
Jesus said:
Matthew 5:27, 28
27 You have heard that it was said, ”Do not commit adultery.” 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
In this scripture Jesus is explaining that God’s laws aren’t so much about following certain “dos and don’ts”, but about the condition of a person’s heart. Here Jesus was letting the people know that they could go their entire lives without actually sleeping with another man’s wife and technically have not committed adultery, but it isn’t a person’s actions that determine who a person is – it is their heart condition.
Jesus said that even if you or I look at someone, man or woman, and have thoughts of lust towards them, we have committed adultery. Adultery is having sex with someone who is married to another person, but even if the person that you are thinking lustfully about is not married, Jesus said that it is still adultery.
I don’t know what you are thinking about when have cyber sex, but by definition, if you feel that you are having cyber sex, then you are talking dirty with this guy, and even masturbating while you talk; describing your actions to each other. The idea behind cyber sex is to fantasize about the other person so that you are sexually aroused. It all sounds very much like what Jesus was saying, when He spoke about having thoughts of lust about someone else.
The dictionary says that the word “lust” means:
An intense sexual desire for someone else
From experience I know that when masturbating with someone else, the desire to go beyond just masturbating and actually have full blown sexual intercourse with that person, is very strong. That is what is called “lust”. I wouldn’t think cyber sex to be much different. But like I said, I don’t know what thoughts are going through your mind when you are having cyber sex. Ultimately you must judge yourself about this.
Whether you think that you have committed adultery according to what Jesus said in the Bible, or not, you have not done something that God is unable to forgive. One sin is not bigger than another. According to God, when I murder someone I have not committed a bigger sin than you if you had been disrespectful to your mother. As far as God is concerned, I have disobeyed God and so have you. But the great thing is that God isn’t angry with us because we have sinned. When Jesus died on the cross, He took all the sins that we would ever commit and removed them forever.
2 Corinthians 5:21 (Amplified Bible)
For our sake He (God the Father) made Christ [virtually] to be sin Who knew no sin, so that in and through Him we might become [endued with, viewed as being in, and examples of] the righteousness of God [what we ought to be, approved and acceptable and in right relationship with Him, by His goodness].
Now, when we sin, all we need to do is admit to God that we have done something wrong, that we’re sorry, and do our very best not to disobey God again.
That’s a few things that the Bible says about things like cyber sex, but I would like to give you a few reasons why cyber sex isn’t a very clever idea. Hopefully these will help you to see why cyber sex is very unhealthy:
REASON 1 – YOU DON’T KNOW THIS GUY THAT WELL
I don’t know if you can see this guy who you are having cyber sex with or not, but even if you can, you can’t possibly know him very well. I’m sure that you have heard about all the young girls and boys who have been lured by some sex maniac that they met on the Internet and ended up being raped. Chat rooms are great for meeting new people, but you must realise that people who are on the Internet to have cyber sex can’t always be trusted to just want a fun relationship. Many people out there are out to catch unsuspecting girls like you. I’m not saying that this guy is some kind of sexual predator, but because we shouldn’t just trust anyone on the Internet, you need to be careful.
REASON 2 – CYBER SEX STOPS YOU FROM EXPERIENCING GOD’S BEST FOR YOUR LIFE
Another reason that cyber sex is not a good idea is because it works against what I said in the previous letter. I gave you a couple of scriptures in the previous letter that talked about being different to the world by doing what’s the Bible says:
Romans 12:2a
And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind...
As I said in the other letter, being a Christian is not easy work. I spoke about the fact that Jesus said that we need to drink His water (the Bible) and if we did that, we would grow strong and do great things for Him. Cyber sex would be like drinking something that our bodies like, which is not the water that Jesus offers, and which is of absolutely no use to our spirits. In fact, cyber sex will make you desire God less. The more we drink of the water that Jesus gives us, and only that water, the more we will want it. The more we drink anything else, the less we will want the water that Jesus offers us. Cyber sex has the opposite effect on us that Jesus’ water has. Jesus’ water gives us a desire to serve God. The world’s water takes it away.
Galatians 6:8
He who sows to his own flesh (lower nature, sensuality) will from the flesh reap decay and ruin and destruction, but he who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.
This scripture tells us that when we feed our flesh; the part of us that doesn’t want to do God’s will, we will end up missing God’s best for our life. In fact, it says that our lives will be ruined. I’m sure that you don’t want that, and that should be another good reason to want to pursue God!
REASON 3 – YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND HOW YOUR MIND WORKS AT YOUR AGE
At 13, you are still learning a lot about who you are; where you fit in the world, and what you like about people. The Bible tells us that we mustn’t have sex until we are married. A lot of people think that God said that because He is trying to ruin our fun. Sex is fun and God made it to be fun, but if we don’t have sex the way that God said we should have it, we can hurt ourselves terribly. I’ve been 13 before and even though it was a long time ago I remember that I didn’t know a lot about myself. I hadn’t learnt that much about myself because I just hadn’t lived for long enough. Now, you may know a few more things than I did when I was 13, but I can guarantee that there are a lot of things that you don’t know about yourself. Because you still have a lot to learn about yourself, the professional world would say that you are “emotionally immature”. What this means is that when it comes to handling your emotions, you have a lot to discover still.
The problems with having emotions that are immature is that if you make choices based on how you feel, you will more than likely make the wrong choice. For example, and I’m not saying that this is what you will do, but if this guy that you are having cyber sex with had to ask you to meet him somewhere, you would very likely go and meet him because you feel emotionally connected to him. Because your emotions can blind you to the truth, you may not see that he is setting a trap for you and actually wants to get you alone so that he can rape you.
Basically what I’m trying to say is that you are not ready to experience the emotions that come with a sexual relationship. You may not agree with me or even understand what I’m saying, but the points I’ve made here come from a lot of studying on the subject, and of course the fact that I have been 13 too!
REASON 4 – WHY ARE YOU REACHING OUT TO A STRANGER SO THAT YOU CAN FANTACIZE ABOUT SEX?
You mentioned that your parents are divorced. I know that you; as a young lady in her teenage years, need your father to show you how to live life more than your mother. That is not to say that your mother isn’t important, but your teenage years are the stage in your growth into adulthood where you as a girl need your father’s love and input desperately.
I need you to ask yourself why you have cyber sex. Is it because you need the physical release? Is it because you are sexually attracted to the person on the other side of the website? Or is it because you need to feel loved by a man?
I have seen and read about so many cases where young woman have gone into a relationship with a man in hope that he would provide her with the love that she should have gotten from her father. It’s terrible to see what kind of men these young women try to get love from, but it’s only because they don’t understand what fatherly love is all about.
If what I am saying sounds like it might be true, I want you to know that sex is not the same as love and love is not the same as sex. Remember that in my previous letter I said that when we love someone the way God says that we must love them, we want to give our very best to them.
One day, you will meet the man that you will eventually marry. Because the two of you will be married, you will hopefully be practicing the kind of love that God asks us to practice – the kind of love where you give your husband the very best that you have. Although marriage is still a long way away for you, do you want to give the man that you marry what’s left over of the best that you have, because you have given so much of it away to so many different men over the years? I know that it would break my heart to know that my wife had slept with several men before she married me and given herself to them, thinking that they were going to love her if she gave them sex.
Ask God to send a man into your life that will love you the way that you need to be loved. That man may be someone that you would consider to be a father type person and he could possibly help you with your confusion about your sexuality. If that man truly is there to love you, then sex will be the last thing on his mind. Real love does not want to take something from you. It wants to see that you become all that God created you to be. Having sex with you when you are not married, and especially when you are 13, is TAKING from you. In fact, according to the man that you will marry, it is STEALING from him. Don’t let anybody steal what belongs to the man that you will one day marry!
I know that what I have said in this letter hasn’t been easy to read and it means that there are a few serious decisions that you need to make. God made you a beautiful young woman and it doesn’t matter what other people think about you! You may even think that you aren’t pretty, but God thinks that you are beautiful! He put you on this earth for a very good reason and He loves you very much! The devil doesn’t want you to know how much God loves you and the devil will tell you all sorts of lies to stop you from knowing God’s love. He’ll say things like:
“You were a mistake. Nobody really loves you.”
OR
“You’ll never find someone who will love you the way that you need to be loved, so if someone shows you the slightest bit of acceptance, grab it because you don’t know when it will come again!”
But listen to what God says to you:
Jeremiah 19:11 (The Message)
11 I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out – plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. 12 When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I‘ll listen.
God has great things planned for your future but the only way that you can experience those great things is by following Him. The best way to follow God is to do what He said to do in the Bible! If you do that, you will live the kind of life that you would never have dreamed was possible. God knows that you need to be loved. Don’t try and find someone to love you. Ask God for that someone and let Him bring that person to you. Always remember that the devil knows that you need to feel loved, so he is more than willing to provide you with someone who looks like they will love you. But in reality they will do exactly what the devil sent them to do: steal, kill and destroy.
I’m glad that you came to me for some advice on this subject because it’s always great when I can help someone to get closer to God. If you have any more questions, please write to me again!
Your friend,
Daryl
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: I read some more of your other answer,not all of it but some more of it and I read all of this one.Long though,haha.I completely agree with you actually.Completely.My parents aren't divorce because they were never married so I guess you could say tha tI was a bastard's baby.I think that I talked to this guy on the internet because I guess I look fo rlove and protection from older men.Would I have a relationship with one,I doubt.I am into boys my own age.I don't look for protection from all men,just older men.I don't see my dad much either and this guy on the internet knows that.He wants me to meet him and I told him no because I don't want anything to happen that I will regret.I'm not attacted to the man physically but I guess I just like to fantasize about him sexually like all fantasies.But I am saving myself for marrige.I feel quite stupid for doing it though.It's nto like I am dumb considering I make A's and B's in school,got my gradecard yesterday and 4.000 on it.3.810 semester grade though.I used to make A's B's and C's.I made one D in my life.I have to go to my spelling bee tomorrow.I won my shcool spelling bee.I have been in 4 plays and am currently in my fifth one.I am in girfted which is a program for smart kids.I recently received a letter for college.I have received school awards.I placed 3rd in my school reading fair in fourth grade,I also placed 3rd in my school talent show last year in 7h grade.I am in 8th grade now.I could go on and on but it's too much.I know that this is an odd question but what if you finger yourself and break your hymen and you have not had sex with a boy or anything,are you no longer a virgin or something in your opinion?
I am pretty strict about abstienence too so that is why I am worried about this.I don't want to get married if I am not a virgin to be honest.So what does this mean?
Answer Hi CGLLR.
I can tell from the letters you wrote me that you are smarter than the average 13 year-old girl. I told you that God created something beautiful when He put you on this earth. Never doubt that!
My letters are long because it’s hard to keep advice short when people have done so many things to get into the problems they have. It isn’t often that I can just say “do this” or “do that” and people’s lives will be changed forever. I may not be able to help people every step of the way, but do I want to leave people with something that will hopefully get them on the right track, and that something is to get them to draw closer to God. He is the answer to every question, and if I can get you to see that it isn’t my opinion that you’re being helped by, but God’s Word, then hopefully when we stop talking, you will go to God’s Word whenever you have a question again. If that happens then I have done a good job!
I have done some studying on the effects that single parent homes have on children and it really is sad what young people go through because of a missing parent. So many people are fighting to be single parents, not knowing the damage that it is doing to their children. The best advice that I can give you is to educate yourself. Find out what children of single parents are prone to do, and watch out for that kind of thing. As I’ve said, one of the things that young women do in the absence of a father, is search for their father in other men. Most of those relationships end up in illicit sex and cause nothing but heartache. The more you know about yourself; your strengths and your weaknesses, the better equipped you will be to live your life well!
You don’t need to feel like you’re stupid for reaching out for love. You just need to understand what real love is and what it isn’t. Because you haven’t experienced the love of a father the way that a young women from a stable home would, you have settled for something that doesn’t come close to the real thing. If you had seen what the real thing looks like and feels like, I know that you wouldn’t have had cyber sex, and I’m sure that God knows your heart as well. But now that you have a bit better understanding about love, find out more about what real love is! The best place to find out what real love is, is from God. He said that He is love:
1 John 4:8b
...God is love
The Bible tells us about God the Father. My parents didn’t have fathers like children are supposed to have while growing up, but they’ve learnt to rely on God the Father to be their daddy. They talk to Him about everything. They let Him know what they are frustrated about and laugh with Him when something funny happens. Because they have included Him in their lives, He has been able to fill the gap that their earthly fathers left. And what’s great is, when they need a physical father to hug them, God sends a man into their lives who will hug them like a real dad should! God’s amazing! Just because you can’t see Him, it doesn’t mean that He’s not with you right now. Talk to Him. Tell Him your deepest secrets and expect to hear Him to talk to you. God the Father loves you so much and is eagerly waiting for you to spend more time with Him!
About your question, as far as I understand it, if your hymen has broken for a reason other than because you have had sexual intercourse, then you are still a virgin. The hymen can be broken by many things, none of them having anything to do with sex. You could insert a tampon and that could break it. You could ride a horse and that could break it. None of those things have anything to do with sex and definitely don’t take your virginity away.
Masturbation doesn’t take away your virginity but it does give your flesh (your lower nature) power over your spirit.
Galatians 6:8
He who sows to his own flesh (lower nature, sensuality) will from the flesh reap decay and ruin and destruction, but he who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.
(Do you understand what the Bible means when it says “flesh” and “spirit”, because if you don’t, please ask so that I can clarify it better.)
I know that the world says that it is healthy to explore yourself sexually through masturbation, and what they have to say sounds logical in a way, but if we look at it from the angle of a Christian trying to fight the temptation to do something God says we shouldn’t do, masturbation undoes all the hard we do to please God.
If I masturbate, my body is in control. My spirit has to take a back seat because my flesh is having a “good” time. What that does is weaken my spirit’s (the part of me that God primarily works through) influence on my life and strengthens my flesh. (The part of me that doesn’t want to have anything to do with God, and which the Devil is able to work through) I’m sure that you can see why it is important to not give our flesh a lot of control in our lives, because the Devil can have a field day and as Galatians 6 says, we will get decay, ruin, and destruction.
Things like having sexual fantasies will also feed your flesh. I know that all of this sounds like the Bible is only out to spoil your fun, but not everything that you desire in life will benefit you. That’s why when the world says; “If it feels right, do it” they are making a huge mistake.
There are three main voices that we will hear in our life: Those voices come from our spirit, our soul, and our body (or our flesh)
1 Thessalonians 5:23 (Amplified Bible)
And may the God of peace Himself sanctify you through and through [separate you from profane things, make you pure and wholly consecrated to God]; and may your SPIRIT and SOUL and BODY be preserved sound and complete [and found] blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ (the Messiah).
1. One of the three voices is the voice of our soul. Our souls are made up of our mind, our will, and our emotions. When we need to make a decision, we often go to our soul for the best possible choice. If we have a lot of knowledge on the subject we’re dealing with, then we tend to make the right choice. If we don’t know a lot about that subject, then we make bad decisions in that area.
Hosea 4:6 (Amplified Bible)
My (God’s) people are destroyed for lack of knowledge...
2. The second voice that we will hear is God’s voice. God speaks through our spirit to us and to hear His voice clearly, we need to make sure that our spirits have the largest amount of control out of all three parts that we are made up of.
Galatians 6:8b
...but he who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.
3. The third voice is from our bodies. (Our flesh) The Bible tells us that our flesh is the part of us which we cannot trust. It is the part that the Devil speaks through. If we allow the voice of our flesh to determine the decisions we make, we will be allowing the Devil to have a huge influence on our lives. That’s why this world is in such a big mess. People all around us are making decisions based on what their flesh is saying, and 90% of the time, it’s the Devil telling them what to do. That’s why we have people out there that are raping 9 month-old babies, thinking that there is nothing wrong with it. The Devil has convinced them that what they are doing is perfectly normal and because they run their lives by what their flesh says, they believe him!?
I don’t want to scare you, but I hope that you can see that by giving our flesh the slightest advantage in our lives, we give the Devil place to work.
Ephesians 4:27 (Amplified Bible)
Leave no [such] room or foothold for the devil [give no opportunity to him].
As Christians we need to constantly be on guard for ways that the Devil might be trying to ruin us. One of his best weapons is ignorance. If he can keep you from knowing the Truth then he has won half the battle.
John 8:31, 32
31So Jesus said... If you abide in My word [hold fast to My teachings and live in accordance with them], you are truly My disciples. 32And you will know the Truth, and the Truth will set you free.
The Devil is really upset now that you have asked for help about this. The more you know about what God wants you to do, the less the Devil can do, and the better your life will be! The Devil doesn’t want that and that is another motivation for you to get to know God better!
That’s why I’m a firm believer in studying God’s Word. I know that you said that you don’t understand what is being said in the Bible, but try your best to find a way to understand it. Buy an easy to understand Bible, even if it’s one written for kids, and remember to ask the Holy Spirit to help you to understand what you’re reading! The point is that you need to know what God thinks. The more you know, the less the Devil is able to accomplish in your life!
You’re an extremely clever girl who God put on this earth for a very important reason and I know that you’ll make the right choices after reading all these letters. I am always here if you need any help!
