Expert: Dr Eddy Cheong - 4/17/2009

Question
Hello,

My girlfriend and I have been together for a year, and are both Christian. One of the biggest questions we have about our relationship is pre-marital cohibition and sex.
We both love eachother very much, have never felt even remotely as strong about a past relationship as we do now about one another, and although we are not "officially" engaged yet, we plan to engage soon and be married by next summer.
We have done a lot of research on pre-marital cohibition and sex, but have not yet found exactly what we are looking for. From what we've researched, we've found a lot of "gray area" on the subject and nothing straight forward, in black and white.
The answers we are looking for are:
When is it ok to live together and to have sex?
Are we allowed to live together if we are absolutely NOT having sex?
Does the Bible say that it is a sin to live together, or is living together simply "frowned upon" because of the possibility of sex?
What defines marriage? Is it a vow that we make to eachother, or the official vows that we take during an actual wedding ceremony?
Basically, is simply living together while not having sex a sin, and what MUST be done before we are able to have a sexual relationship.

Thank you!
Aaron

Answer
ANSWER   
The bIble has no grey areas with regards to your question. Nelson’s Bible Dictionary clearly defines ‘Fornication’ and ‘Adultery’ as follows....
FORNICATION
[for nih KAY shun] — sexual relationships outside the bonds of marriage. The technical distinction between fornication and ADULTERY is that adultery involves married persons while fornication involves those who are unmarried.
(from Nelson's Illustrated Bible Dictionary, Copyright © 1986, Thomas Nelson Publishers)
In a nutshell, fornication is sex before marriage and adultery is sex outside the marriage covenant.  We must remember that marriage is an institution created by God and sex within the marriage covenant is a part of that institution......

Gen 2:24
24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
NIV

Heb 13:4
4 Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.
NKJV

Matt 19:5-6
5 and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'?  6 So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
NIV In Matt 19:6, The Christian marriage covenant includes the husband, wife (both of whom God put together) and God Himself as the witness of the covenant.
There are ample warnings given about sexual immorality and adultery in the Bible of which 1 Cor 6:9-10 clearly stands out...

1 Cor 6:9-10

9 Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders 10 nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.
NIV
Fornicators, adulterers and immoral ‘so called Christians’ cannot inherit the kingdom of God.