Expert: Pastor Ron - 1/30/2012

Question
Hello, I would like some Christian advice on how to deal with a rude coworker. I recently started a new job as a waitress at a restaurant, and am still learning my way around everything. Everyone has been quite gracious and helpful except for one woman. She consistently speaks disrespectfully to me and refuses to be a team player with me. As the bartender, she has a level of power over her work station, and acts very superior over anyone who needs anything from the bar. Occasionally, I will need to access the bar to get wine glasses or I will have a question about something that only this woman can answer. Other times I will need her to perform a task using her specific server card. Needless to say, working with her is unavoidable.
I need her cooperation, but she refuses every time, which makes me look bad because then I cant do my job properly. The first few times I worked with her I tried being patient and getting a supervisors help instead, but the other day I had an argument with her because I reacted out of frustration when I had had enough of her rejection
and rude attitude. It didn't solve anything of course, and I am not proud of how I acted.
I realize now that I need to see this from a different perspective. I am not the victim, she is. Hurting people tend to hurt other people, and I have no idea what she is going through in life but I don't need take her rudeness personal. Instead I need to be patient and loving towards her. However, I also don't want to be a doormat. Here is the part where I need help: how do I respond to her uncooperative attitude with love and patience but still remain productive at work? What could I say in response to her rejection whenever I need to ask her for something? I can't keep going to the supervisors, they are busy as it is and often question why I am not going to the bartender instead like I should be. I haven't told the supervisors about the situation because I don't want to involve others unnecessarily. I want to handle this 1 to 1 instead of running away and being a "tattle-tale".
I suspect that my sudden turn-around to niceness will be unnexpected and I'm afraid she will think I am being phony or sarcastic. Obviously I need to draw on God's power to help me with being genuine, but what I am hoping you might help me with, is a few responses I could have towards her that will be kind yet assertive. I want to try having a good working relatioship with this woman and to hopefully help influence her to turn her attitude around, but at the end of the day my main objective is to get my job done and I don't know how to convince her to cooperate.

Thank you for your help! God bless,
Jen

Answer
Dear Jen,

You situation can be a frustrating one, for sure. I've been in very similar circumstances in the past. I've also been the supervisor who was unaware of this type of problem existing in the environment that I was supposed to supervise.

I'm assuming that you are a bible believing person, else you would have tried this question at one of the more secular answer sites. Assuming that you are, your first responsibility is to accurately and consistently represent your Savior in and through your life. One of the things that I admire about JESUS is that HE was NEVER on the defensive! HE always took the offensive when dealing with circumstances created by people who were living their lives in sin, but trying to take pot shots at HIM! The ONLY time we see HIM looking defenseless was on the cross. But even then HE, by HIS death, was OVERCOMING darkness, wasn't HE?

Several questions come to mind;

1. Why haven't you tried sitting down with this person and talking to her about the problem? That would seem like the most logical thing to do first. She may not do that. If she doesn't and insists on maintaining  a counter productive work environment which will ultimately affect the success of you doing your job, which will ultimately affect the productivity and the income of the business itself, then you might want to bring that to the attention of your supervisors.

Which brings me to my second question;
2. In you understanding, what do "supervisors" supervise, if not the working environment that they are responsible for? In other words, aren't supervisors supposed to make sure that everyone does his/her job to the very best of efficiency, which includes working as a team so that the business succeeds, by making sure that the customers are kept comfortable and satisfied so that they will return? If this person doesn't want to sit down with you and work this out, shouldn't you then involve the supervisors so that they can do their job? That IS what they get paid for, isn't it?

I mean, it's nice that you want to take on this person's problem and try to give her that kind of power over you, but unless you are the only person that she has this problem with, that is not likely to work out. Most people with the kind of rude and insensitive behavior you describe, have more than one enemy in the work environment. Others have let this person be this way for some time (unless a recent incident is responsible for her behavior), in which case you may be right and she may just need a friend. If that is not the case, she has learned that this is how she can intimidate people and get her way... Again, a situation for supervision to handle. Note; a supervisor who cannot handle this type of situation is one that I would not work under.

Rom 12:17  Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men.
Rom 12:18  If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.

Once you've tried to be at peace with her, to the best of you own ability, you've satisfied what the Scriptures ask. Either find a way to steer clear of her OR involve supervision OR find another job... OR there is another option; you could just do none of the above, and live in misery at this job until it affects you to be like her...I doubt that is an option for you, is it?

May you have HIS peace as you consider this job and the reasons that you might be there! May HE cause you to walk in wisdom from above as you commit to being a peace maker in an environment that sounds as though peace is needed! May you know HIS timing as seek to please HIM in all that you do!

Sincerely,
Pastor Ron