Christianity -- Christian Living/Restoration
Hi Ms. Ramona, this is me again, I hope you still remember me, and I am so sorry for still pestering about the same situation, I am so sorry to keep sounding like a broken record, but I don't know what else to do, you are the only one that knows my predicament(aside from God), and as I stated before you are the only Godly counsel that I am getting, and I really appreciate it from the bottom of my heart, you truly have been a blessing to me, and your answers are so prompt, eloquent and precise, I really appreciate all that you have done for me, I really hate to repeat myself, perhaps you are even tired from me retelling the same thing over and over and not following your counsel, but I donot know what else to do, I feel so lost, and full of fear, hopelessness and despair, everything still looks dark and bleek, theres no ray of hope in sight, I am still in the middle of the ocean or in the middle of the dessert, wherever it is, I am still stranded and shipwrecked, God is still silent, He still hasn't talked to me, still hasn't given me a sign, vision, word, or dream, it feels like time has stood still, it feels like He has forgotten about me, I sometimes feel that I might have crossed a line when I committed that sin and that God hasn't forgiven me, I keep remembering what happened to Saul, I donot know what line he crossed but I think that God didn't forgive him and took the kingdom away from him, I sometimes fear, what if I am like Saul, and I crossed a line that I shouldn't have, and that is why God is not responding to me, it has been more than 2 years now, and God is still quiet regarding this issue, I do not know what else to do, as I have written before I do everything that I know what to do, as far as crying out to Him, pleading, begging, reading His word, listening to preachers but still no breakthrough, it feels like everything is in pause, it feels like God has truly forgotten about me, like He doesn't care about me anymore, I feel so lonely and abandoned. Instead of things getting a little better, they are getting worst, now everyone who knows us, knows about the horrible sin that I committe, his family knows the whole community that knows us, now they are aware of my situation, this has brought more shame and pain to my husband and my children, everyone is laughing and making fun of me, they are having a field day, and worse of all all of this is bringing more shame to the body of Christ, these people who are gossiping, critizing and laughing they are making fun of christians, they make remarks such as "look at her, she thought that she was so saint cause she was a christian , look at the horrible thing that she did, if that's what christians do, who wants to be a christian" this is just one of the remarks ( my husband has brought it to my attention), I feel so terrible,look at all the shame that I have brought upon , not only to my family but to the body of Christ, I feel that I can't take it anymore, everyone is making fun of my family and myself.
How can I cope with this despair, I feel like I am in a deep hole and they keep putting more and more dirt on top of me, I feel like this is the end, I see no more hope for me, I am so tired of standing strong, I sometimes feel just to end my life, why should I keep living, who can endure this pain and hopelessnes indefinitely, who can just keep suffering all the days of their lives alone and abandoned, without anyone to care for them, I hate to play the victim, but that is the truth, no one cares whether I live or die, I am just a shameful reminder of what happened, why should I keep on living, why? I have been encouraging myself for so long that I am getting weaker and weaker, David encouraged himself, but He was not alone, and there was a lot of people who loved him. Moses was in the dessert for 40 years, but he was not alone. I truly believe that no one can live without hope, and I am getting hopeless and bitter, because I don't see no light or hope in my path about my situation, I am getting so mad about all of these people who are just laughing and critizing me and my family.
I read a story about an experiment they did with 2 rats, they put a rat in a pool of water and it was covered with total darkness, the rat just swam for 3 minutes and then she stopped and of course she died, then they put the other rat in the same pool of water but this time they let a ray of light so that the rat could see this little light ,(it was not dark), this rat amazingly swam for 36 hours before giving up, she swam 2160 minutes just cause she had a little light of hope , and that little ray of light kept her going, I feel like I am like the rat in the darkness. I really don't know what else to do, I keep asking God but still no answer, He is the only one who can help me, but He is not responding or I am not understanding, what else can I do, I feel like giving up, I do not have anything to fight for , no one cares about me , no one needs me, what is the purpose of my existense? should I keep on living , just to suffer and to be an embarrasment, and to hear people destroy me and attack me with their words? Please pray to God and ask HIm to give me a message through you, Please ask Him to give me a word, I need something , please , I feel like I am drowning, I need some hope . Please pray to Him, maybe He will listen to you and He will send me a message that I will acknowledge and receive in my heart. Thank you Ms. Ramona.
My heart is saddened by your recent email. Such a beautiful person in such deep pain. I am so sorry, my friend. As you know, dear one, the core of Christian confidence is in our relationship with God. God is a faithful Person, and while we never know what is ahead for us, we do know He is for us. Know beyond a shadow of a doubt Indalia, with Christ is full redemption. (Ps. 130:7).
Our God has not been silent Indalia, he has given you grace - that's the Gospel Good News! You are forgiven. Now you must accept God's forgiveness .
And you must forgive the one who enticed you to sin. Read and dwell in Eph. 1:7. God's forgiveness Indalia, deals so fully with our sins that they are literally gone, washed away so completely that God can promise, "Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more." (Hebrews 10:17). With your sins gone Indalia, you are neither guilty in God's sight nor liable for punishment. As God's forgiven child, you can rejoice and accept the 'Light' that shines upon you for "There is now no condemnation for you who is in Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:1).
What you are dealing with Indalia is what is known as neurotic guilt. You feel unworthy, unacceptable. You act in ways that bring the suffering and failure you sense you deserve. The remedy for you is the 'whole' gospel message! We all do sin and fall short of God's perfection. But Indalia God continues to love us!
God continues to believe that you and I have worth and value. It is vital that you accept God's view as accurate and when we recognize the attacks of others as inaccurate views of who we (you) really are, our sense of self-worth changes. The Gospel message provides a solid basis for our positive self-esteem.
The Gospel message Indalia, is that Jesus has taken on himself the punishment we /you deserved. You no longer have any need to punish yourself. You are now to look at yourself and see yourself as God sees you. You are now the object of God's love, cleansed by Jesus and made new in Him. (2 Cor. 5:17).
You, my friend, have every reason to live! God has not hid himself from you. He has redeemed you! You need to dwell on the things I have said. Why, I ask you, are 'your friends - neighbors' words more important to you than your Heavenly Fathers? Have they loved you as God has/does love you? Have they helped you carry your burden? Have they done all they can to help heal you? Do they even know your God? Why do you care what they say? They do not know love.
I think it is time for you to accept God's forgiveness and walk in newness of life. Yesterday is done. God has acted and provided a new life for you. He has not been silent! He literally died for you to restore you! If your husband and family cannot stand with you, then one has to question their love, for a Christian forgives. A Christian loves unconditionally.
It is my prayer Indalia, that you move forward. Look around you- look into the faces of those who pass you by. 'All' have sinned and fallen short of God's perfection. All carry some form of guilt ( even those who mock). None is innocent. None. God has heard your cry and is offering healing. You have humbled yourself and turned from your sinful way.... Now go and live the new life He has given you. You are loved, my friend, indeed your Heavenly Father has acted in your behalf.
It's a New Year... Live it for Jesus! Start a new life - glorify Him.
In His love and grace,
Rev. Ramona Stonecipher