Expert: shannon Gilmour - 2/9/2012

Question
QUESTION: hello,well i decided to ask for some advice because im supposed to get married sometime this month.my fiance used to be a not so good guy a few years back he has told me the truth about his past and things hes changed to be better man.the thing is two days ago my mom was getting out of her car around midnight and heading to her boyfriends house when a stranger approached her and told her and i quote "tell your daughter once that dude gets what hes after hes going to give her a kick in the a*s"my mom told me she got scared and ran quickly to her boyfriends house because she got creeped out she said the guy didnt even let her say a word he just walked away like nothing happened.i was wondering if i should be afraid or ignore it because im going to marry my boyfriend this month.i asked a friend of mine and she said maybe this man has a grudge against my boyfriend or it could be a demon trying to cause havoc before the wedding.also i believe angels exist but for some reason i get the feeling an angel would not follow and stalk someone to threaten or use that sort of language especially because it was midnight which makes me wonder how did this person even know my mom or where we live or where her boyfriend lives and why did they want to scare my mother instead of coming up to me and saying what they wanted to say.im very creeped out that this stranger followed my mom to tell her such a nasty thing....can you please advise me on this my wedding is this month and i dont want to have any doubts.

ANSWER: Hello Estefanie, THank you for your question, If you are concerned about this, then extending the engagement will not harm anything.

This sounds like a very suspicious encounter, and it is more likely that this was just a person who is concerned for your well being. I am all for giving people the benefit of the doubt, but if there is any value to be taken out of this it is to perhaps take things a bit slow. Whenever you are uncertain about something, whether it is a marriage, a job situation or relocation, it's better to lay these things down a bit, and bathe them with prayer and patience. Do not do anything that you may regret later based on feeling guilty. Make sure this is what you want, above all, what God wants for you and if you feel you have to break off the engagement, better now then going through a divorce.

If you are having doubts, it's better to just be safe, cautious and go with God's good and best direction. He wants the best for you and sometimes it doesn't always appear before our eyes. What we think we want and need are totally different to what God KNOWS we need. So please if the doubts are there... just take a step back for a bit until you know you are ready.

The questions I would have to ask are how long has your engagement been? How long have you known eachother since you have been engaged? How long had you both met did you begin dating? How long before His past before he made changes in his life? ( A few years can be a long time, but not so long for others) Are there hidden signals that you aren't seeing because your judgment is clouded? I don't mean to pry, but sometimes questions need to be asked that we don't other wise want answered. It maybe time to dig a bit deeper and ask those questions so that your heart can be sure you are making the right decision for you.

Have you talked with is friends? I don't mean to badger them, but just in passing, ask them what he used to be like. It may not be any of your business, but you are his fiance, closer than a friend and if this is going to effect your future, you do have a right to know.

Hope this helps,
God Bless you!  

~Shannon



---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: hello again i was also thinking it could have either been someone with good intention or bad as well....especially since it was late midnight when this person confronted my mother.when she told me it scared me because i thought to myself who in the world would follow my mom to tell her that.ive known my fiance since i was 19 years old
im 23 years old now though back then i knew he was bad news...he even admitted alot of things he used to do back then.he was a player and even went around with women who were spoken for which made alot of guys and girls hate him.when we first met we were just friends because i respected the fact he had a girlfriend at the time but as friends we would spend alot of time together since we worked together and would hang out,at that time he did try to convince me to sleep with him but i never did and i still havent.i think if i would have let him he probably would have seen me as just another woman but since i didnt let him,he got to know me better as a person and gained respect for me.we had planned things out but then he ended up having to go back to mexico because of his brothers death so he told me he didnt want to be unfair to me and make me wait so he perferred i forget him,i lived my life and did as he said then i went through a wild phase which i decided wasnt the life i wanted to live so i stopped partying and drinking then a month or so later he came back into my life again,i wasnt looking for love(back then i would have been desperate) but i have changed i became more stronger and accepted that i didnt need any man to love me in order for me to be happy.he came to me and asked me to marry him and i told him that if he was still the same man he used to be then i wasnt going to stand around and let him cheat but he talked to my parents and asked their permission and he told me that if he wanted to just mess around and be the same loser he was back then he would not ask me to marry him,he said hes ready for something serious and that he had enough of his old ways.
i trust him because of the fact that he has confided in me his past and all the bad things he has done to people and secrets that he never felt comfortable confiding to other women.the thing that worries me is who is that man that followed my mother,and why would he say something so bad,could it be the husband or boyfriend of one of the women he had slept with in the past or someone who might have a grudge against him or be jealous?thats whats scares me.my mom said i shouldn't worry about this stranger because it could just be a jealous person trying to mess things up before the wedding and that what would my boyfriend possibly even use me for because the truth i dont have money or job at the moment and im not a virgin i have done things in my past that i also regret but he accepts me as i am and i do feel his love for me.the way he looks at me i know its something special between us.maybe you can give me a bit more insight about my situation though thankyou.

Answer

Hello again, Estefanie. Have you prayed about this and asked God to settle this matter in your heart? My only concern with this is situation is that it feels like to me that this is a concern of yours, the motive behind the actions of this secretive person. This has caused a seed of doubt to fester and if left unattended it will fester and cause problems in the long run. I don't doubt that you love eachother and have a wonderful relationship but the main concern is if you can lay this issue down and not let it effect your relationship.

You may never know either way what this person's intentions are, and you have to somewhere in your heart be at peace with that. That is where God's guidance comes in! Set sometime aside for prayer and ask God as to what you should do. Is this something you should let go of, or is there a hidden message and something you should know about.

One thing I can say to this is that the encounter your mom had was not with a demon nor was it an angelic encounter. Probably someone sticking their nose in where it doesn't belong, and someone with a grudge. People are like that; but you only know what your boyfriend is telling you and while it is unfair to pick him apart because of his past; it's unfair to you to involve yourself in a lifelong commitment with this hanging over you. Talk with your fiance about this in a loving manner and if you are secure in knowing what you are getting into, then that is the measuring line to use to enable you to make the choice of marriage. I hope you both all the happiness in the world!  

God Bless!
~Shan