Christianity -- Christian Living/broken engagement

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Hello my name is Keren, My fiancee has broken up with me after two and a half years together we had been engaged since June of 2012. We both Love the Lord with all our heart, our relationship started downfallen few months after the engagement when he told me he was not ready to marry I took it very hard and felt rejected by him. We tried to break up but we both felt that it was not what we wanted so we stayed in the relationship but left the  topic of marriage to the side. We get along very well with him and his family I love them like mine,but there was many times we did not get along. I could say that there is only one problem in our relationship. for me its very hard to let go of things that he does not do for example he forgets things like dates we had plan,he is not as sensitive as i am when plans have been made and have been changed by him and the schedule he has planned in mind. Especially those times we have planned to be together he is forgetful and insensitive to my feelings this and my  controlling has draw us apart. I love him very much and I am in pain I pray to the Lord if this is his will . My ex told me he was breaking up with me because things where not going to change and we have tried many times and we have not move anywhere. He also told me that that he wants me to be happy and that at this point in our relationship we should be in love  with each other and not constantly upset about what the other does or not do . I asked him many times last night  why he was calling it off and he said we where miserable and that I should not be afraid of the future. He keep on repeating that he loves me and he did not what to end it like that .I don't understand ,I told him why he said he Loves me and is breaking up with me ?My heart is broken I did not want to call it off I feel in my heart we can work through this, but at the same time I wounder if maybe is the Lords will not to be with him. How do I know s God's will? I want to call him and ask him if  is this really what he wants (hoping maybe is not) should I give him time ? what should I do I really don't want to loose him . I cannot stop crying can you please pray for me and bring some sense into me .

Thank you

Answer
Hello Keren,
I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. My first question is you stated that, "You both love the Lord with all of your heart" Have you two gone through Christian Marriage Counseling? I believe this would be very helpful to the two of you as a couple. It usually takes about six months to cover everything that would help you as you go into your marriage.
It would also bring out the good and the bad,at which time you both would be able to determine if marriage would be the right thing for the two of you.

As if everything else, marriage will bring it's on problems, but through counseling you would be able to see if the issues that may come out is something you both can live with.
I am sure you did fell rejected after he called of the wedding after the engagement and your expectations of a marriage taking place.
You have identify several issues that were in the relationship.#1# Your inability to let go of things.#2# His not honoring dates he has made with you, and not being sensitive to  your feeling when he changes the plans that the two of you have made. #3 You being controlling. I believe that these issues can be addressed and overcome through marriage counseling, if this is what you both want. It is true you both can change, but only if it is because you both see a need to change, not for the other person but for yourself. Remember,"With God all things are possible"
Do you two attend church together?  In order to have God's blessings, guidance, and peace in your marriage you both have to first be totally committed to Jesus Christ and making him Lord of your life. You both would have to be committed to making your marriage work.

 Marriage is one of the most important commitments in your life. Love is wonderful, but commitment is the glue that holds the marriage together. As a Christian it is important to seek God's will for marriage, not your will. Pray for the wisdom to trust God with your life and the patience to wait on His guidance. Read (Lamentations 3:25-26. I will pray for you, that will give you peace as you go through this difficult time and that he will give you peace and patience as you pray and wait on his answer. You may want to give him some time as you pray and follow God's directions. He will reveal what you need to do. Remember" God's time is not our time"

Ask God to touch your fiancee's heart so he too will know what to do as well. Please seek counsel from your Pastor or counselor at your church. You do not need your fiancee to go with you right now, but, you will both need to go together if you two decide to go ahead with the marriage.

It appears that he may not be quite ready for marriage,and you have to honor that. He did tell you the reason he broke off the engagement. Which appears to be the source of your pain.
I fully understand that, you really have to trust God with this situation. He will bring you through this. I will keep you in my prayers. Please feel free to write again if you have any questions or just want to share.

Blessings,
Dr. Swaby  

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Dr.M. Swaby

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I am able answer to questions on salvation, marriage and family, forgiveness and divorce as well as other biblical and life related question. I am a Licensed Clinical Pastoral Counselor, I am able to research and answer questions according to the Word of God.(Bible) I enjoy guiding others to explore what the Word of God says about living our lives according to His Word. The Word of God answers all of lifes questions, which if followed will give us a life that will weather the storms, at which time we will find that we are still standing even in the mist of the storm. Remember, the Word of God promised us "That he will never leave us or forsake us" May God Bless and keep you in his perfect care.

Experience

I am a licensed Clinical Pastoral Counselor, I have done marriage Counseling Pre-Marriage Counseling, Biblical Counseling, and Counseling with teens. I love sharing information that will assist one with their walk. Even when we make a mistake it is important not to give up, but to repent ask forgiveness and get back on track. I enjoy encouraging and praying with my fellow Christians.

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Member of National Christian Counseling Association

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The National Christian Counseling Licensed Clinical Pastoral Counselor Certified Temperment Counselor

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