Christianity -- Christian Living/Should I Apologize?


Hello Dr. Swaby,

I need an opinion on should I apologize? There is currently an interracial couple who attends the Church where I am a member. They are a married couple. The female is White and her husband is Black of foreign decent. My Church is predominantly Black. I and the wife will sometimes chat at Church during lunch time, and we also email one another here and there on religious matters. Sometimes I will provide her free research dvds too.

About a month ago she asked about a Church and I informed her it's mostly Black in that particular Church. She then replied that most of our denomination seemed to be Black. Because she is originally from out of state I felt she missed worshipping in a predominantly White atmosphere. In that sense I sympathized with her, and emailed her predominantly White churches of our denomination that she may want to visit. As our only female White member she thanked me for being "spiritually understanding", but I noticed for the last two weeks she was absent, and this weekend she left early, because her husband said "she had the flu".

I'm wondering did I make her feel uncomfortable which was FAAAAAAARRRRRR from my intentions. I ONLY wanted her to feel comfortable to the point of knowing if she ever wanted to "VISIT" churches where White people of our denomination worship that avenue is available. Or in other words, I DID NOT WANT HER TO FEEL RACIALLY LONELY. Before this incident I noticed on two separate occasions she brought another White female with her to visit, and once when a young Russian boy showed up of 11 years old, and sat at her table she seemed to be happier, and introduced him to me. Dr. Swaby my original intentions were SYMPATHY, but now I'm wondering did she feel I was showing her the door. Should I email an apology? A close family relative told me to leave it alone. I will await your reply. Thanks.


PS: We are 1 human race.

Hi William,

Thank you so much for writing. I am thinking you are being convicted In your heart or you would not be writing. What do you think?
It really does not matter what anyone else thinks William. It is how you feel. Based upon your information, I do not believe that you intended to offend her, but you might have.
If the husband is black would that not make him feel uncomfortable in the reverse?

William, I believe they felt welcome at your church if they attended each week. It can be difficult for interracial couples sometimes, but it appeared that she was comfortable and brought her friend because of that. I am sure they have friends of both races.

Why did you think she wanted to go to a "White church?" Was it something she said? I notice that many churches now have a multicultural congregation which I believe is both a blessing to us and pleasing to our Heavenly Father.

How do you think you should handle it? If you are not sure, I would suggest that you pray about it. I believe you will make the right decision, because you have a kind heart and do not want to offend anyone. Please feel free to contact me again if you need to.
Dr. Swaby

Christianity -- Christian Living

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts


Dr.M. Swaby


I am able answer to questions on salvation, marriage and family, forgiveness and divorce as well as other biblical and life related question. I am a Licensed Clinical Pastoral Counselor, I am able to research and answer questions according to the Word of God.(Bible) I enjoy guiding others to explore what the Word of God says about living our lives according to His Word. The Word of God answers all of lifes questions, which if followed will give us a life that will weather the storms, at which time we will find that we are still standing even in the mist of the storm. Remember, the Word of God promised us "That he will never leave us or forsake us" May God Bless and keep you in his perfect care.


I am a licensed Clinical Pastoral Counselor, I have done marriage Counseling Pre-Marriage Counseling, Biblical Counseling, and Counseling with teens. I love sharing information that will assist one with their walk. Even when we make a mistake it is important not to give up, but to repent ask forgiveness and get back on track. I enjoy encouraging and praying with my fellow Christians.

Member of National Christian Counseling Association

The National Christian Counseling Licensed Clinical Pastoral Counselor Certified Temperment Counselor

©2017 All rights reserved.