Christianity -- Christian Living/Obeying your Parent/Divorce

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Question
Greeting,

I'm a 25 years old guy who had became a Christian since I was about in my late teens.. My parent got divorce in 2000-2001. My mother saw and slept with an another man while my father go out to work in the afternoon. My father have idea what was going on until about a few months later, I finally spill out the bean and told him. He was upset and kick her from the house.  Some time later, after the court was settle, my father has the rights to watch over me and my sister at that time. I was told that my mother was not allow to see us until I reach over 21 years old. Every since the divorce, I always have the burden that it was my fault it had happen but I tried to tell myself it wasn't. In 2003 or 4, my father was happy and married another woman, and so I (my sister had problems but that another story) lived under the roof of my father and step mother, until I moved out in 2009. Now this year, I'm started to going to college but I had to take the bus at the station to take me there. Every now and then, I saw my mother but it was to talk to her because the pain she caused. I told her I forgive her but I wants nothing to do with her.

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. - Ephesians 4:32

But I always feel that burden in Ephesians 6:1 "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right."

I'm lost and confused, is it a sin to not start a relationship with my mother? My father also wants me, nothing to do with my mother. So I'm kinda trap in a box.  I just wants to do what right in the eyes of the Lord.

I need your help
Thanks
Ryan"

Answer
Hi Ryan,

Thank you for this great question.  I am so sorry for the pain you have endured since you were 13.  First of all, you need to understand that when people experience the consequences of their sin, like your mother did, that is not your fault!  God has told us that we will reap what we sow.

Galatians 6:78 (AV)
7 Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. 8 For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.


Yes, you should forgive your mother.  Forgiveness is to release your claim of retribution on your mother for her sins.  It is time to move on... do not harbor anger toward her... what is done is done.  We are to forgive as Christ forgave us as you quoted above.  However... forgiveness is not the same as trust... you can release your claim for retribution without embracing full trust... that must be earned.  

You are 25.  It is up to you whether or not you develop a relationship with your mother... but your relationship should not be shadowed by what she did 13 years ago... let her stand on her merits now... see what God will do.  He is all about giving second chances...perhaps to the both of you.

I hope that this helps you.

In Christ
Pastor Don

Christianity -- Christian Living

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Pastor Don Carpenter

Expertise

I believe that every word of the Bible is God-Breathed. This blessed book is the foundation of truth for faith and practice. If you ask this volunteer a question you will receive an answer from the Bible that is based upon a litteral, normal interpretation, taking into account the grammar and culture of the time.

Experience

I have been in the ministry for almost 20 years. I have been a Senior Pastor more than 4 years. My gifts abound in the counseling ministry as well as equipping believers to express their faith.


Publications
The Revival Chronicles

Education/Credentials
BS in Bible from Baptist Bible College.

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