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QUESTION: Dear Pastor Ron,

We've been married for 13 years and we always have the responsiblity, finanical and leadership issues. Few months ago, I gave up and could not put up with him any more. I thought the easy solution was separation. He also told me that he wanted to leave me. However, God came in and I took the initiative to ask if we could restore our marraige with God's help. Well, he felt sorry and we started over. It didn't take long, our relationship has slipped back again after I complained that he used electronic devices too much and the kids needed his attention. My husband has given me silent treatment for almost 2 months and in between I tried to find out what does he want through email and our pastor. He gave no response until he knew I have spoken to my pastor about our condition last month. Then, he sent me a message he very much wanted to leave me. He kept giving me silence treatment and at the same time he acted normal around home. I can't really handle that because it hurt more when I saw him like that. So I sent him the message telling him that if he wants to leave then leave soon and it hurt when I saw him around the house like that. Again, no response till now but he is now leaving earlier and coming home very late everyday. My 3 kids and I can't see him at all. It's so hard to just seeing the marriage falling apart and I need to take care every aspects of the family by myself alone. I pray to God everyday and concentrate on Him more and more. My strength comes from His words. However, I don't know if I should put up with him more and let him stay for my kids sake. They miss him but I feel so hard if he's around and not working with the marriage. What should I do as a Christian? I still have anger and I still can't completely forgive. How I should handle the current condition? Please advise. Thanks,SW

ANSWER: Dear SW,

I am so sorry to hear of your heartbreak. Selfishness, and it's various expressions, is a work of the flesh. (Gal 5:17) Your husband's lack of "other's centered ness" results in pain and sorrow. You did not mention whether he professes faith but his conduct speaks louder in either case. Again, the Scriptures teach us to consider the fruit of a person's life...

As for you being able to do anything; you being a believer have great promises if you believe them. That is not to say that you can change your husband. You cannot. However you can allow THE ALMIGHTY to change you!

You see, my dear sister, there exists two kingdoms. One is in rebellion to it's creator according to The Scriptures. The other is slowly advancing as MESSIAH stated. You and I must choose which kingdom that we will live in for eternity. The choices that we make today, situation by situation, reveals our heart. Does the set-apart SPIRIT reside in you? You may think so. But, knowing according to the Scriptures, that The Set-Apart Spirit is as HE is described further on in Galatians 5:22, we must ask ourselves if HIS character and nature is truly being reflected in and through our life?  Today's traditional version of Christendom is a poor reflection of the character and nature of THE ALMIGHTY, THE SON and THE SET-APART SPIRIT.

Therefore what so many have been and are currently being taught is void of the real Truth as stated and exemplified by THE SON. Being void of HIS Truth also results in being void of HIS Power. So many today profess to be believers but their lives have so little power to accomplish what HIS Word promises. They call this lack "grace". The Scriptures call it "a form of godliness, denying its power..." Grace is defined as "divine influence upon the heart with the reflection seen through the life." So, many professing believers are wondering around, trying to hold on to hope, when their lives reflect very little of it... They (you) have been lied to.

The kingdom that is in rebellion began in the garden with Adam. Eve was deceived. Adam chose to reject YAHWEH'S command to not eat what was forbidden. The KING of the TRUE KINGDOM came so that those who see the error of rebellion might realize and submit to THE ONE coming. The enemy who suggested the lies to Eve, continues to lie today. His method is still the same. To get people to add to and/or subtract from THE ALMIGHTY'S Word, thus rendering them helpless and hopeless in their desperation.

You have probably noticed that my references to HIM are not with terms used on today's traditional Christianity. That is with purpose. Part of the devil's success has been in his use of titles instead of HIS NAME. And also in leading those steeped in tradition away from those practices that are not blessed by THE CREATOR.

You and I are commanded to "Come out of her...", speaking of this kingdom in rebellion. (2Cor 6:7, Rev 18:4). In doing so we will begin to walk according to HIS Word more and according to this kingdom less. Surrendering completely to HIS SET-APART SPIRIT will bring HIS peace to you. Your circumstance may not change immediately. But you will. Your perspective on your situation will begin to take on a whole new understanding. You will be able to see and do those things that currently you only wish that you could. Researching and rejecting many of the practices of the religion that has disguised itself as Biblical Christianity will begin your journey anew! I will give you a few things to begin with;

THE ALMIGHTY'S Name is NOT "Lord, God,...) Those are generic titles used in reference to false deities. HIS Name is YAHWEH used over 6800 times in the Scriptures! Remember, it's "those who call upon HIS NAME" that will be saved!
THE SON'S Name is not Jesus. HE wasn't Greek. HE was Hebrew. HIS Name is YAHSHUA. In Hebrew this name literally means "salvation / deliverance". Jesus means nothing...
THE SET-APART SPIRIT is not holy. Do your research. "Holi" where Today's Traditional Christianity gets its "holidays" is a pagan deity. And so are all of the Christian holidays. Again, do your research. None of the current celebrations of today's Christianity are in the Scriptures! If they are observed today by them then they have renamed them to either "add to / subtract from" what is written in the Scriptures! These are some of the lies that we are commanded to come out of, sis...

I know that you may think that I have not answered your question, but please consider what I say. You cannot change your husband. You can however, allow the ONE who died for you to change you to be better equipped to face any challenge that this kingdom may bring your way!

May you have "ears to hear" HIS voice as HE PROMISED and follow HIM in Truth! May your journey be filled with HIS presence and peace! In YAHSHUA!

Sincerely,
Pastor Ron

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Dear Pastor Ron,

The storm really filled with His presence, your words encouraged me to hold on to YAHSHUA more. By Christmas, I found out that my husband has an affair and suddenly I understood a lot of my condition. I am just too navie.  I confronted him and he felt sorry and told me about the affairs. Couple days later, I found that he was lying about the affairs story and he was still chatting with her on the phone. He claimed that he didn't want to hurt me by telling me the details. He felt sorry again.  Indeed, I felt more hurt than finding out his affair. I don't know what exactly I need to do. All I want him to do is building up a relationship with Him and we need to pray and do the devotion more. He did promise 100% no contact rule afterward. However, I am very disappointed with his actions but I know I need to forgive him. We are trying to restore our marriage and focus in Him more. What can I do from here? How can I forgive him? Do we need a thrid party to talk about thd affair? Thanks, SW

Answer
Dear SW,
As I stated previously, hold on to the TRUTH, reject the lies...

Your husband is a subject of the kingdom of lies... He has proven that repeatedly... Detach yourself emotionally and see him as a bystander would see him...

Yes, the ideal is to forgive him. However, just like our salvation / forgiveness, which was purchased by YAHSHUA over 2000 years, we did not enjoy its benefits until WE REPENTED(turned away from our sins). Same too for your husband. Until he turns away from his lies and turns to the TRUTH(YAHSHUA), you and he can not walk together.(1John 1 / Amos 3:3) I am grieved to say that You may try but unless he tries as well it is not possible...

If you sincerely seek forgiveness for him it will have the same characteristics as the forgiveness that YAHWEH expresses to you and I in YAHSHUA. For example;  Psa 103:12    "As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us."

Can you allow YAHWEH to cause you to "not remember" your husband' betrayal? Heb 8:12    "For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more."

Many, in your predicament, think that they can forgive, or have forgiven, when in fact what they initially took as forgiveness in their heart was their overwhelming desire to put their pain behind them. Then over time they come to realize that they hadn't forgiven at all. Make no mistake here. Your husband has committed sin that YAHSHUA states is the only reason for divorce without condemnation.
Mat 5:32    "But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery."

From what you have described, you have Scriptural grounds for divorce. If the reason that you can't forgive is your own "hardness of heart", should your husband truly repent, the YOU are the one in sin. If your heart stays soft (as I sense that it is), and your husband is not repentant, the HE is the one that will stand for his sins without excuse... I am not encouraging you to divorce. I am simply informing you of your choices within the bounds of YAH'S Word...

I am asking THE FATHER to extend HIS Love and SPIRIT to you! May HIS TRUTH be your guide as you proceed on HIS path! In YAHSHUA...

Sincerely,
Pastor Ron

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Pastor Ron

Expertise

I feel comfortable answering questions pertaining to all aspects of Christianity and the Bible. I have been able to help those who need biblical counseling in the areas of personal discipleship, bible study, study helps, prophecy, relationships, marriage, divorce, ministry, calling, gifts of the Spirit, demonology, etc. I cannot answer those questions pertaining to Denominational Christianity, since I have no experience nor understanding of it.

Experience

I have been involved in ministry since 1978 and have been a Senior Pastor since 1988. I have taught through the Bible three times. I have taught completely through the New Testament five times. I have taught Bible College courses in two Bible Colleges. Before I became a Christian in 1977, I was heavily involved in drugs and alcohol and have since worked with those who struggle with addictions of all kinds through counseling, rehab and deliverance ministries.

Education/Credentials
I have a Bachelor's Degree in Biblical Studies and have taught in two Bible Colleges.

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