Christianity -- Christian Living/Restoration

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QUESTION: Hello Pastor Ramona, this is me again, Indalia. It has been a year since I last contacted you. Can you please pray to God for wisdom and ask Him to give you a specific word for me. I hope you still remember me. I am still in the same place and although I think I have made some progress emotionally I'm still struggling and I still feel forgotten and beaten. I haven't moved on because I do not know how, I do not even know how to start. I still feel like I am in the middle of the ocean , I am still floating and my muscles have gotten stronger because I am still above the water ( I haven't sank). I know God is with me in all other aspects of my life except for my marriage and family restoration. God helps me in my job , He helps me in my school, Thank God He has allowed me to get straight A's in all of my college classes except for a B that I got on Anatomy, other than that is straight A's , I know that I couldn't accomplish that on my own, I know is all His doing , to Him be the Glory. I am 100% healthy, I know that is His Blessing. I sometimes feel guilty for complaining about what I don't have and not appreciating enough all of the other blessings that He continuously gives me. It seems that He seems to ignore the issue of my marriage and family restoration and I don't understand why, He answers me everything else except on this matter, and I donot comprehend why. It has been more than 3 years now and everything regarding this issue seems to be in pause , it seems like time has stood still. My husband says that he's not ready and that he doesn't know how to give me another chance, he says that God hasn't told him to allow me back into his life, he says that I should let God do His work. My daughter says the same thing, she says that I should let God take care of it. Sometimes I get desperate and tired of trying to keep strong, sometimes I lose hope because I do not know when will all of this end, when will my restoration come. I ask God to tell me what does He want me to do, but He has never responded that question. I get frustrated because I definitely do not know what God wants me to do, I do not know if He wants me to keep on waiting till He decides to restore, I do not know if He wants me to move on (but I do not know how to move on). He doesn't tell me anything so I feel lost , what do I do, I want to do the right thing , I want to do His will but I don't know what He wants me to do. Why doesn't He want to restore my life, I sometimes get mad at my situation and feel that God has been unfair with me, the other day I checked a friend of mine facebook  and somehow from click to click I ended up checking the pastor's wife facebook and I felt so miserable, why did God restored his marriage and I think that he's even pastoring again, why does God play favorites, God knows exactly how everything occurred, why did God choose to restore everything back to him, and forget about me. If at the least that person is just as guilty as I am, so why did he get a pad on the back and got everything back , why? Is it because he is male? Is God sexist? Does God prefer man over woman? why do I have to keep paying and suffering  while he's enjoying his life back like nothing has ever happened? I feel that this is so unfair, he's the one that initiated and manipulated everything and he's all happy and back to normal, while I lost everything and  am still suffering and isolated. I didn't know that God treats men different than women, can you please explain it to me. What does God want me to do? What does He want from me? I always ask Him these questions to no avail, He is still silent regarding this issue. Please ask God to give you a word for me, I do not know what else to do. What is the point on keeping on standing, what for? What does He want me for? What does He need me for?

ANSWER: Indalia, would you resend this to me please. I have prayed, and I want to take some time to ask the Holy Spirit's leading. I have a house full of company
and it's difficult to find the 'quiet' I need to address your situation. I will get back to you as soon as possible. You will be in my healing prayers, dear friend, and I'm so sorry for your continued pain. God will not let you down Indalia, you must continue to put your trust in Him. He is in control of all things.

I want to address several things with you, and lead you to Scriptures that will shine light upon your darkness.  You are God's child, and He has a plan for your life. Pray to be open to that plan and understand there are many ways that God restores his children.  He wants what is best for you, and equally important,
He knows what's best for you.

Blessings, my friend,
Rev. Ramona Stonecipher

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hello Pastor Ramona, this is me again, Indalia. It has been a year since I last contacted you. Can you please pray to God for wisdom and ask Him to give you a specific word for me. I hope you still remember me. I am still in the same place and although I think I have made some progress emotionally I'm still struggling and I still feel forgotten and beaten. I haven't moved on because I do not know how, I do not even know how to start. I still feel like I am in the middle of the ocean , I am still floating and my muscles have gotten stronger because I am still above the water ( I haven't sank). I know God is with me in all other aspects of my life except for my marriage and family restoration. God helps me in my job , He helps me in my school, Thank God He has allowed me to get straight A's in all of my college classes except for a B that I got on Anatomy, other than that is straight A's , I know that I couldn't accomplish that on my own, I know is all His doing , to Him be the Glory. I am 100% healthy, I know that is His Blessing. I sometimes feel guilty for complaining about what I don't have and not appreciating enough all of the other blessings that He continuously gives me. It seems that He seems to ignore the issue of my marriage and family restoration and I don't understand why, He answers me everything else except on this matter, and I donot comprehend why. It has been more than 3 years now and everything regarding this issue seems to be in pause , it seems like time has stood still. My husband says that he's not ready and that he doesn't know how to give me another chance, he says that God hasn't told him to allow me back into his life, he says that I should let God do His work. My daughter says the same thing, she says that I should let God take care of it. Sometimes I get desperate and tired of trying to keep strong, sometimes I lose hope because I do not know when will all of this end, when will my restoration come. I ask God to tell me what does He want me to do, but He has never responded that question. I get frustrated because I definitely do not know what God wants me to do, I do not know if He wants me to keep on waiting till He decides to restore, I do not know if He wants me to move on (but I do not know how to move on). He doesn't tell me anything so I feel lost , what do I do, I want to do the right thing , I want to do His will but I don't know what He wants me to do. Why doesn't He want to restore my life, I sometimes get mad at my situation and feel that God has been unfair with me, the other day I checked a friend of mine facebook  and somehow from click to click I ended up checking the pastor's wife facebook and I felt so miserable, why did God restored his marriage and I think that he's even pastoring again, why does God play favorites, God knows exactly how everything occurred, why did God choose to restore everything back to him, and forget about me. If at the least that person is just as guilty as I am, so why did he get a pad on the back and got everything back , why? Is it because he is male? Is God sexist? Does God prefer man over woman? why do I have to keep paying and suffering  while he's enjoying his life back like nothing has ever happened? I feel that this is so unfair, he's the one that initiated and manipulated everything and he's all happy and back to normal, while I lost everything and  am still suffering and isolated. I didn't know that God treats men different than women, can you please explain it to me. What does God want me to do? What does He want from me? I always ask Him these questions to no avail, He is still silent regarding this issue. Please ask God to give you a word for me, I do not know what else to do. What is the point on keeping on standing, what for? What does He want me for? What does He need me for?

Thank you so very much Pastor Ramona, as usual you are extremely kind to take time out of your busy schedule to quickly respond to my so old predicament, you are truly and Angel and a Ray of Light that lights the darkness my soul find itself in. I really appreciate your love and caring for me despite not knowing me personally, and I really thank you for not getting tired of me continuing with the same predicament for over 3 years now. Thank you. I desperately need to know what does God want from me, what does He want me to do. why is He leaving me behind while choosing to restore the other person , why is He treating me differently if I am His child? I know I don't have any rights to question God, but who else can I ask, He is the only one that has all the answers. I greatly appreciate your help and eagerly await your God given response.

Answer
Dearest Indalia,
Thank you for your patience my friend.  I had five grandchildren - all wanting my attention. Ha!  They are all safely home and now I can concentrate on things at hand.  I have prayed for 'a word of wisdom' for you (as you asked), so let's pray the Spirit will guide my heart and mind as I strive to address your issues.  
Let's address the positive first.  I am so proud of you!  It seems God has opened many a door and you have walked through it - and achieved! Praise God!
Look at that grade point !  Wow!!  And He has restored your health - physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Wonderful!   Obviously, after three years, new friends have come into your life.  It sounds as though you're on a career path. God has made everything new. That's restoration!

Now, I want to address your email. Perhaps you have a copy of it so you can follow along. Let's look at one of your first statements, and please take not of your change in emotions as you share with me. If we were face to face, we'd add body language. If we were God, we'd add the motive of the heart.  God looks upon all of these and more.

Quote: "I am still in the same place and although I have made some progress emotionally, I'm still struggling and I feel forgotten and beaten. I haven't moved on because I do not know how, I don't even know how to start."

Now Idalia, either that statement is false, or you are only talking about your relationship with your husband.  In your life, you indeed have moved on! You have not only moved on you have moved on successfully!  
    *God has healed you - pulled you together and showed you you are quite capable to begin a new career!
    *He has graced you with intelligence!
    *He has gifted you with what you need to hold down a good job and provide for yourself!
    *He has brought new people into your life and given you a support group.
    *As you stated, He has given you countless 'other' blessings!
How can you say that you are still in the same place?  God has showed you a new path, made you capable to walk up that path, and given you 'rewards' to prove you have done well!   In other words, besides forgiving you (scattering your sins as far as the east is from the west), He has restored your life and made you, and showed you, you are worthy. You are His righteous one.

Now let's move on to the body of your letter.we see a few unstable emotions seeping in.  It's like you're a llittle girl, perhaps on a teeter/totter.  When you go up in the air you see and feel the freedom - the victories, but when you ascend, somebody played a trick on you and made you experience a hard 'bump'.... And it knocked you to the ground.   It hurt! It made you angry! You slash out - but at who? Who knocked you off your new successful path? Who should you be angry at? Who did it?

Let's see.... We learn from Scripture that God wants only what is best for us.  We learn that He has 'sealed' us as His very own. So, being His child, we can trust that He is in control, and if we listen to His leading, and walk with Him, we know He wouldn't set us on a teeter/totter with a person who desired evil upon us.  So who are you teeter/tottering?   Give that some thought.......

The question is: who should you be angry at?  Let's listen to some of your accusations.
    *God's ignoring the issue of your marriage.
    *God's ignoring your family restoration.
    *God's put my problem on pause.
    *God shows favorites !
    *God doesn't want to restore me!
    *Is God sexist?
      .............................WOW!

It seems to me, you and I prayed for restoration of your life. We don't tell are creator God how to do what He does. He looks at his child, He knows the situation and the circumstances, He know ALL the parties involved. ( Remember, sin is like a pebble dropped in a pond - it's ripples keep going touching places we never dreamed).  You are ONLY one portion of what needs restored.  And remember, not everyone who NEEDS to be restored, wants to be restored.  God is not some Santa Clause in the sky, He works quite differently!

He has begun your restoration. He has given you many blessings and victories. He has forgiven you and showed you a new path that will please Him and you.
Perhaps your idea of restoration has some flaws. Let's look at a Biblical example and see if we can learn anything.
  * The biblical vision for the world of God's creation isn't of restoration of the old, but of it's renovation into something better yet. 2Peter3:10-13;Rev. 21:1
  *Until the 'new' the heavens and earth will continue to suffer from the effects of human sin.
  *"We reap what we sow"
  *We are forgiven, if we repent and humble ourselves before our Creator God.
  *Upon forgiveness, our renovation begins.
         ..............Your renovation has begun.  God is faithful.

Now, how shall I address your actions that you shared with me. Again be aware of the path of your emotions (attitude ) on this particular day.  I trust you had had your holy time with the Lord, asking for wisdom and guidance. If you did do this, I am certain the Holy Spirit of God raised some red flags and tried to reel you in - but apparently you chose to ignore His protection. If it wasn't such a tragic issue I would have chuckled at your writing, I quote, "The other day I checked a friend of mine's Facebook and 'somehow' from click to click I ended up checking the pastor's wife's Facebook and I felt miserable ....."

Really. Somehow??  I know for a fact that the Holy Spirit warned you not to go there.  It was a choice - your choice.  By doing that you not only rebelled, but you sabotaged yourself.  You brought pain upon yourself.  You tore down some of the new renovation.  Take note thT God did not move away from you Idalia, you moved away from Him. The Holy Spirit is God's gift to his children - for protection, for love. It is not good to 'quench the Holy Spirit of God."
I know that you know Scripture.  I know you don't believe those things you said about your Savior.! And I trust you will set things right with your Father in Heaven.

As a bible scholar, I assure you, my dear friend, God is not sexist. He does not show favoritism . He does hear your prayers and questions. But understand, sometimes you will not get the answer you think you want. For instance, your husband is not walking with The Lord or listening to Him.  He is not accepting his role in the marriage. Real-down. He is doing nothing to restore some form of 'family'.  God does not want you in that situation.  It was. Ad. Enforce and it is bad now.

If your husband is talking to God, it surely is 't a conversation.  He's only listening to himself. Your husband is doing what he wants to do and it has nothing to do with following the teachings of Scripture. You should cut the strings.  If this were a game, he would be winning!  You are receiving blessing after blessing from the One who knows you best and loves you the most. Why don't you cut the strings and move on!   Obviously, your husband is not suffering from losing you - three years if suffering!!!! He must love pain!  Get real!  He's done.  Stop begging.  Let God renovate your life and bring new. Lessons to you. Perhaps He has another mate out there for you who would love you he way a wife should be loved.  Trust God. Stop looking back or basking in 'whT was'.

In regard to the Pastor, if He has repented truly, our God forgives.  As for how his life is going - you have no idea (Spiritually).  Like I said, we reap what we sow ( as will he).  That is between him and God.  Justice will prevail. I don't think you would want to. E in his shoes - understand  dear one, we pastors are held 'double accountable' for what we do to God's children.  Stop worrying about him - it's not your concern move on.  You do know how to move on - CUT THE TIES!   Look forward! Plan your career. Make friends! Love others. Stop identifying yourself with your last sin! God doesn't - it's gone!

I hope this brings some clarity to your questions and your walk. I want so much for you to be healed and move on to a new life. You have so much to give Idalia, so much beauty. Please stop sabatoging your life.  Cooperate with God, He loves you deRly. You have but one life - three years is long enough to give to this. Accept God's no! The marriage is over.

I love you, in Him,
Rev.. Ramona  

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Reverend Ramona C. Stonecipher

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Hi! I'm an ordained minister with a Master Degree in Theology. I have spent several years preaching and teaching God's word. As a Pastor, and servant of the Lord, I can help you find answers to questions of faith. I can help you understand the difference between having a religion or having a faith. We can explore the power of prayer and the power of the Holy Spirit in your life. I can help you cultivate a personal relationship with Jesus, the Christ of God. What I'm saying is, we can study the Word of God together. I can't solve your problems, but I can lead you to the One who can. I can't make you believe or have faith, all I can do is plant the seeds and introduce you to the One who is the Gardener. I can also tell you that God loves you and God is a God of second chances. I hope you'll accept my invitation to walk the Damascus Road together__. Welcome.

Experience

United Methodist Minister Master of Divinity Teacher Bible Scholar Christian Counselor Counselor Suicide Prevention CPA Baptist Medical Hospital, Kansas City, Missouri

Organizations
Concerned Women For America

Education/Credentials
Graduate: University of Nebraska Graduate Studies: Fairleigh Dickenson University, New Jersey Graduate: Saint Paul School of Theology, Kansas City, Missouri

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