Christianity -- Christian Living/Forgiving an abuser but not liking them


Hello and God bless and thank you in advance for your time. I may already know the answer to my question but I really need another believers opinion. Sorry, it's a little long.

My brother's and I were severely abused as children. Many years ago I forgave and got counseling, self help etc. and went on to function in society. But it was at a huge emotional cost that would take way to long to talk about here.

Well, my issue is this. Even though I forgive my mother for allowing all of that awful stuff to happen to us I have continued to treat her right because God says to but I keep a distance.

Recently God put it on my heart to document my story to help other people like myself and give him the glory.

Well, after distancing myself from her I began to see even more clearly how dysfunctional she really is. In addition, after I have been writing my book I am growing very disgusted and really want nothing to do with her at all. I guess I am wondering why I am upset about it after all these years? Let make it clear that I have already forgiven but I was thinking that God has really softened my heart and taught me about love from his point of view and these things that didn't really use to bother me because I was used to it, now they seem so vile. Does that make sense?

Do you think that God allowed me to take this journey later in life after being saved eleven years when I was much more mature and Christ-minded than I was. But I am still disgusted over those things. She knows of Jesus and there is no more I can do on my part for her either, except pray.

What are your thoughts? Please and thank you in advance.

Hi V

Thank you so much for writing. First let me say I am so proud of you as you go on your journey of healing. I am so happy you have decided to write a book, many will be blessed by it.
To understand how to forgive others, you first understand how God forgives you. Forgiveness leads to growth and blessings Read (Ephesians 4:32) Remember, Jesus's words on the Cross" Father forgive them, for they do not know what they do"(Luke 23:34)
It can be difficult to, but that is you mother. The Bible teaches us to Honor our mother and father. Not only if they do what we feel they should do but if they don't. We are told "To Honor them"
You are writing your book to help others, you have to allow God to heal you as you do this.  
When you think of what you mother did(No matter how bad) Think of all we did before were saved and began having a relationship with God! Would you be proud if your friend knew about it? Ms. V you may not be able to forget, but you must truly forgive as God has forgiven us. We did not deserve to be forgiven, but He forgave us anyway. It is your job as a child of God to forgive your mother. You are correct you cannot do any more for you mother, but pray. But, you still must love your mother.Read John.15:11:14 Jesus tells us how we are to love one another.

Ms.V you are on the right track. Your book will be successful and may people will be blessed by it. But, keep in mind you cannot obey parts of the word of God, you have to obey all of it, all of the time. I hope this was helpful to you. May God bless you, guide and protect you. Feel free to writ again id you need to
Blessings, Dr. Swaby

Christianity -- Christian Living

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts


Dr.M. Swaby


I am able answer to questions on salvation, marriage and family, forgiveness and divorce as well as other biblical and life related question. I am a Licensed Clinical Pastoral Counselor, I am able to research and answer questions according to the Word of God.(Bible) I enjoy guiding others to explore what the Word of God says about living our lives according to His Word. The Word of God answers all of lifes questions, which if followed will give us a life that will weather the storms, at which time we will find that we are still standing even in the mist of the storm. Remember, the Word of God promised us "That he will never leave us or forsake us" May God Bless and keep you in his perfect care.


I am a licensed Clinical Pastoral Counselor, I have done marriage Counseling Pre-Marriage Counseling, Biblical Counseling, and Counseling with teens. I love sharing information that will assist one with their walk. Even when we make a mistake it is important not to give up, but to repent ask forgiveness and get back on track. I enjoy encouraging and praying with my fellow Christians.

Member of National Christian Counseling Association

The National Christian Counseling Licensed Clinical Pastoral Counselor Certified Temperment Counselor

©2016 All rights reserved.