Christianity -- Christian Living/I'm afraid that I can't be forgiven.
I have a problem. I think that I have committed the unforgivable sin of blasphemy of the Holy Spirit. I am being tormented by worrying about this. I was diagnosed with OCD and anxiety a few years ago, and I think this is really latching on to this. I am also pregnant, and I doubt the hormones are helping.
A few nights ago, I was in a bad mood for no particular reason except that I was getting frustrated with being pregnant. I am nearing the end of the third trimester and I'm just uncomfortable. I was feeling very tired and grumpy, and I had that feeling that I was not going to be able to fall asleep. I've heard other pregnant women joke about pregnancy insomnia being God's way of preparing you for the sleepless nights of having an infant. Anyway, as soon as I thought that, I said to myself in my head, "Well, that must just be a part of God's evil plan." I was absolutely disgusted by the thought! I do not think that God is evil at all!
Ever since then, I've had this horrible pit in my stomach and knot in my chest. I have asked for forgiveness, but I am afraid that I am like the Pharisees who accused Jesus of casting out demons by Satan. I know that Jesus said that all sins and blasphemies will be forgiven, but the blasphemy of the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven, and even though I didn't refer to the Holy Spirit in my thought, I blasphemed Him by default since He is part of the trinity. I feel like I blasphemed all three persons of the trinity by referring to God as evil.
I am so scared that I will not be saved because of this. I want to believe what the Bible says, that if I confess my sin then He will be faithful to forgive me, but He also said that blasphemy of the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven. I've messed up so bad! I know that Jesus is my only hope for salvation because He is Lord and He died for me, but I'm afraid that Jesus can't forgive me for this evil blasphemous thought against Him.
I am so upset! I did not want to think that thought, or at least I think I don't. It makes me afraid that maybe I'm losing my mind and don't know what I really believe. I know that Jesus is the only way, and I long for His forgiveness and for Him to be my savior. I wish I could go back and unthink the thought. I hate it so much!
Thank you for writing. Amanda, You have nothing to worry about, We serve a forgiving God of Grace and Mercy. He knows we will sometimes have negative thoughts. Salvation is not lost because of something we say or think. Once you are saved you are saved.
It is Satan, that is trying to tell you that you are not saved and you have done the unforgivable. "Rebuke him" , and praise God for His Grace and Mercy as well as His love for His children (That's you too)
There are times that saved people go back into the world Read Ephesians 4: 1-32 This is what could happen when the saved go back into the world. But, you have not gone back into the world. Amanda we all have negative thoughts from time to time. Just believe what the word of God says. If you have confessed and asked forgiveness you have been forgiven. Fear is not from God! Jesus is the only way and that knowledge is your comfort.
Now you need to relax so, you will have a happy and health baby. You have already committed you life to God and he is faithful to keep you in the palm of His hand.
Remember this Satan come to kill steal and destroy He is always trying to get you doubt God and your salvation. Rebuke him. He has no power in a child of God (Which you are)Read Romans 8:35-39. Pray and read your bible daily and watch God give you His perfect peace. I hope this is helpful to you. Please feel free to write again if you have any questions or comments.