Christianity -- Christian Living/Marriage and Finances
My husband comes from a religious background. I grew up believing I was saved, but realized I wasn't after I met him. He has taught me and led me in too many ways to express. We both agree that the husband is head of the household, and he ultimately makes the decisions, whether I agree with him or not. But sometimes I think he takes this out of context, because sometimes he just seems to want to control things. That's a different question for another day, though. Today we had a huge argument over finances. Here lately, he has been spending money and splurging to buy himself video games, and I get nothing. Now I'm not upset that he's splurging for himself. It does bother me because it is a little selfish of him, but it's also HIS money that he worked for. However, I stay home so that he can have a clean house and dinner on the table every day. When I asked why he spent $50 on video games, when we desperately need to be saving (We are moving soon), he blew up and told me that how much money we have and how he spends it is none of my business. I am supposed to completely trust him. He says my input when it comes to money is not allowed unless he asks for it. But as his wife, am I not supposed to be there for support and guidance? Am I supposed to say, "Hey, don't ya think we should be saving instead of splurging on things we don't need right now?" I say those things, and he says don't worry about it, he knows how much money we have to spend. After spending that money, we have $200. We need gas, dog food, groceries, and we need $1500 dollars to move into a new house in two weeks. He only makes $500/week. Here lately, he has fallen completely out of fellowship with God, stopped going to Church, etc. How am I supposed to follow him when he isn't even following God? I will not divorce him, as it is against everything I believe, and we are both very open to listening and learning, and growing together. However, since he has left his church and fallen out of grace, I think his pride is slowly starting to slink back into his life.
By the way, up until about a month ago, he always, ALWAYS let me have a say in the finances. He always listened to me, and often, I talked him out of making rash decisions that could have hurt us. Also, we have no children.
My apologies for the delay in answering your question. I had written the answer, but apparently failed to send it in.
Your situation is not unique. This is an issue that needs quick and decisive Christian counseling. There are apparently deep underlying issues that can only be addressed in a private setting. Selfish actions, excluding spouse in financial and other decisions, and lack of fellowship with the Lord and His people, are all symptoms of a deeper problem. Until he faces the underlying problem, these symptoms will continue to grow. As the Scripture says, "Because they sought not to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind." That doesn't mean they are lost, but even believers can fall into this depraved state.
If there is a reason that he is not attending that particular church, he still needs, and you do also, a place where the two of you can find godly direction, and careful counseling.
This may be more than pride, but pride is a part of his situation, based on what you have shared. While the man does have the responsibility to handle these situations, finances, etc., the Scripture makes it clear that the two shall become one flesh. Adam declared, "This is now bone of my bones".
At the same time you, as the wife of one that is apparently facing difficulties should, in humility, let him know that your desire is for him to be the great leader in the home that you know the Lord has prepared him for. Sometimes, the fear of having that responsibility can cause a man to withdraw from the responsibility. Let him know you want to be his support towards excellence. And in doing so, encourage his seeking out godly counsel from a trusted Pastor or counselor. There is wisdom in much counsel.
With Love In Christ,