Christianity -- Christian Living/Marriage and Finances
My .husband comes from a religious background. I grew up believing I was saved, but realized I wasn't after I met him. He has taught me and led me in too many ways to express. We both agree that the husband is head of the household, and he ultimately makes the decisions, whether I agree with him or not. But sometimes I think he takes this out of context, because sometimes he just seems to want to control things. That's a different question for another day, though. Today we had a huge argument over finances. Here lately, he has been spending money and splurging to buy himself video games, and I get nothing. Now I'm not upset that he's splurging for himself. It does bother me because it is a little selfish of him, but it's also HIS money that he worked for. However, I stay home so that he can have a clean house and dinner on the table every day. When I asked why he spent $50 on video games, when we desperately need to be saving (We are moving soon), he blew up and told me that how much money we have and how he spends it is none of my business. I am supposed to completely trust him. He says my input when it comes to money is not allowed unless he asks for it. But as his wife, am I not supposed to be there for support and guidance? Am I supposed to say, "Hey, don't ya think we should be saving instead of splurging on things we don't need right now?" I say those things, and he says don't worry about it, he knows how much money we have to spend. After spending that money, we have $200. We need gas, dog food, groceries, and we need $1500 dollars to move into a new house in two weeks. He only makes $500/week. Here lately, he has fallen completely out of fellowship with God, stopped going to Church, etc. How am I supposed to follow him when he isn't even following God? I will not divorce him, as it is against everything I believe, and we are both very open to listening and learning, and growing together. However, since he has left his church and fallen out of grace, I think his pride is slowly starting to slink back into his life.
Thank you for writing and seeking spiritual counsel. You sound like a very intelligent young lady who understands the Christian walk. Your husband cannot have it both ways dear one. He cannot be 'walking in the Spirit' and refusing to worship with the body of Christ. The Church is there to support him and his faith grows by the 'hearing' of the Word preached. He is quenching the Holy Spirit and refusing the guidance and teachings of the Counselor.
He is also twisting the teachings of the Scriptures. He is to treat his wife as Christ treats His bride - the Church. He laid down his life for us. Remember his command, "Love as I have loved you."......
Allow me to address some of the 'beliefs' you have shared with me. The husband is to be the spiritual leader of the home. That means he must have a 'right' relationship with Jesus Christ. Along with that right relationship, he must 'rightly divide the Word of God' and understand His teachings. He must rely on the help of the Holy Spirit, who is his teacher and guide. You must do the same. Jesus Christ has made the two of you 'equal'. If a problem comes up in your marriage, both of you seek the help of the Holy Spirit and ask for wisdom. The Holy Spirit will not fail any of His charge. You are equal - you are sons and daughters of God. He gave his life for both of you.
While the husband is the spiritual head of the family,he has the responsibility to make the 'right' spiritual decisions. If he is not cultivating that spiritual relationship with the Father, and not seeking God's leading and wisdom, he is out of fellowship with God. He is standing on dangerous ground. God knows the heart of man, and he knows rebellion. A house divided cannot stand. He will be held accountable.
The money is not your husbands. He is not free to do as he pleases. United in marriage, means just that - you are ONE. One in all things. He is to 'love as Christ loved the Church'. There is no "Mine" or "Yours"....... I sense, from your sharing, that you walk one step behind your husband - this seems to be your understanding of the Christian way. That is wrong. The Bible does not teach that. To rightly divide the Word means to also understand the culture , understand the "time" something was written and 'what Jesus has to say about it. It's inportant that you rightly divide the Word - you are a disciple, so you must do the work also. Many a pastor misuses the Word, and leads God's children down the wrong path. We're warned of 'false prophets' in the Bible. So take heed, my friend, trust in the Holy Spirit, He was given to you for this protection.
If you know the Truth, and your mate knows the Truth, (there is only one Truth), the two of you will be in agreement. God does not expect his disciple (his child) to lay aside His Truth, just because the head of the house wants to be in control. Spiritual head means just that. The husband strives to discern what God would have him do - not what man wants to do. We must not misuse our power.
In a partnership,a marriage, everything is both parties 'business'! Each have equal responsibilities. Your husband is biblically wrong. His anger proves he knows he is wrong. It is my prayer that he will seek your forgiveness for leading you into 'wrong' thinking, in regard to your position in the marriage. It is wrong. He may come from a 'religious' family, but remember, dear one, religions are a dime a dozen. There is only one Truth! One God! One Faith! One Baptism!
Your husband is not treating you as Christ treated the Church. Look to the Cross. He laid down his life for His bride. He never said, "What's mine is mine!"
Think about it.
Rev. Ramona Stonecipher