Christianity -- Christian Living/Non-Christian Serious Boyfriend


Hi there,
I am a devoted follower of Christ, and have been in a committed, fulfilling relationship with the same boy for around two years (we are both around 18 yrs old now). Although he believes in God and that Christ died for our sins, he does not have a relationship with God nor has he put his trust in him.

I pray daily that God will open up his eyes and heart to Him; that he will truly come to know him. In the mean time, I talk openly to my boyfriend about my faith in the hopes that I can show him what this relationship really means; not what he has grown up believing a 'religious' person as being. He grew up in an incredibly conservative, small town, where Christianity was used in a judgemental, unloving way to manipulate people. In such a place, his experience of Christianity was very negative.

Do you have any advice on how to 'witness' to him in the best way? Is there anything else I can do except pray and trust that God's plan will work out for me (even if that means we have to break up). I know I cant be in a fulfilling marriage with someone who doesnt share the same cornerstone of life as me (even though I won't consider getting married for another few years), but I think he has such potential to be a fantastic follower of Christ and help me grow in my faith...

Next year, we move to University. In your experience, am I fooling myself into hoping that a change will come when we both experience a time of growth?

Any advice will be very welcome. Thank you for your time.

Dear Rory
Thanks for your question - apologies for the delay in replying.

Sometimes, when people have been brought up in a very conservative and at times judgemental Christian context, they can struggle to see grace and unconditional love.  

My advice is for you to continue to show that love and grace to all the people God brings into your life.  Don't stress too much about trying to argue or debate, as this rarely has much impact.  Also, make sure the love and grace are not only directed towards him.  He needs to see you show that to other people.

One of the traps conservative Christianity can fall into is showing conditional love to others - a form of "I will love you but only if you conform to certain behaviours".  This can be very damaging to people and your witness off unconditional love (not the same as being a doormat!) will be a powerful witness.

If God wants you to stay together, I believe He will work in Rory's life in a meaningful way (even if He doesn't want you to stay together, the work is still ongoing).  As for you, make sure you have a deep intimacy with Christ (the Holy Spirit lives inside you when you invite Jesus into your life to follow him).  Ask for Wisdom and Discernment as you go through the next stage in your life.  

I will give you a couple of Bible verses for your encouragement:

James 1: 2-5
John 14 (the whole chapter)

God bless you Rory <><  

Christianity -- Christian Living

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I am a committed Christian, based in Scotland (UK). I work as a psychologist and have a real interest in people. My main interests are Christianity, understanding people, personality, spiritual gifts and relationships. I prayerfully respond to appropriate questions on Christian Living. Please pray for me as I respond to your requests...


Experience in the area: I have been a Christian for over 12 years now and have also been involved with psychology for 13 years.

Church elder, qualified psychologist (but I'm answering questions as a Christian, not as a health professional)

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