Expert: Phillip Senn - 9/20/2005

Question
Phillip,
I married my wife in 1998 and have given my life to jesus. I participate in every aspect of church that I can, we teach multiple Sunday school classes and try to minister to as many people as we can. A few years ago my mother and father in law had a arguement with my 1 brother in law about how his life has changed since becoming married. The things he loved ie: the cabin, his family, his dogs ( who were his life) etc. We all have tried to reach out to him since, begging and pleading for his forgiveness to come back into our lives. He is loved and missed. He talks to his one brother a little and preaches to him that he is just following gods will and is protecting his family from the confusion and chaos of his Mother, Father and sister. He feels his sister sides with mom and dad. He never has responded to us in letter or emails we have sent him. He did most recently by saying he will not give in to our "guilt" letters nor subject he and his family to this. He says he loves us and misses us but will not meet with us to work things out. we have offered to meet with his pastor in his own comforting situation but he will not. I have exhausted all of what I know and have learned over the past 7 years of my journey with Christ. He claims to be a christian and wants to follow gods word. I need help with some scripture and just all around advice. I surely hope that if he demonstrates what being a christian is, then everything I have lived for is false. Thank you

Answer
Brian,

I appreciate your question, as I have had to deal with similar situations in my own family. Let me say that there seems to be several issues at stake here: the issue of forgiveness on both sides, the issue of protection and the issue of demonstrating the Christian life.

It appears that in the issue of forgiveness, you and your wife have made attempts at reconcilliation. It does sound, however, that there seems to be a continuing rift between him and Mom & Dad. The Scriptures indicate it is always the believer that is to seek reconcilliation, whether the one that was wronged or the one that wronged. It appears that you have made attempts at that from your letter.

Since I have no idea what he might mean about protecting his family, I have no way of knowing whether or not it needs to be addressed. If they are trying to make him be the guilty party, rather than seeking reconcilliation, I could see that as a threat, rather than an attempt at reconcilliation.

We all fail to properly demonstrate what a Christian should be and do. We cannot base our confidence in Christ on our performance nor can we determine another's relationship on performance. As for whether or not what you have been living is true or not, may I suggest again, it cannot be determined by performance. We are saved by grace through faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, not of our works, lest we should boast.

Continue to pray for your brother-in-law. In prayer, we  open our hearts to the Lord to let Him know our needs and we open our hearts to Him for inspection. We must be alert to His voice if He should, while we pray, inform us of the areas of need that we have.

I have added this situation to my prayer list, and will be praying that God will receive glory through it and through the lives of each of you.

With Love In Christ,
Phillip Senn