Expert: Bj Hickman - 8/23/2006

Question
Hello,

When I go to church, there's a little guilt in me everytime i go through the doors. The only reason why I think I go to church is to worship God. But Inside me I think I go there just to see my friend because we only get to see each other once a week. When I was little, I used to always pay attention to God, and now I never read the Bible anymore or pray to him. I feel very guilty when it's holy communion and my pastor says you must take the bread and cup with a thankful heart. I do, but i don't know if I'm a true Christian because I really want to get baptized next year in Spring. My life is getting complicated please help. How do I keep my mind to always focus on God when I'm in doubt or in a situation. I seem to always forget about him.

Answer
Dear Esther,

First of all, you have the name of my FAVORITE Bible character.  What an amazing woman Esther was!

Now to your question...

Thank goodness, thank GOD our relationship with Him isn't based on how much we do, how often we think of Him, whether or not we read our Bibles or pray enough or go to church for the right reasons.  Our relationship, thanks to God's precious amazing grace, is based on the fact the HE never forgets US!  It's based on the fact that He loves us without wavering, completely unconditionally, no matter what we say, do, think, or feel.

What you feel isn't guilt, it's shame.  Guilt is when you've done something wrong and you feel bad about it.  Shame is when you've done absolutely nothing wrong, but for whatever reason, you feel bad.  Shame is based on our own human expectations.  God hates shame.  Guilt is meant to keep us on the right track.  But shame is a tool Satan uses to keep us defeated and to make us feel we are unworthy of God's love.  But the reality is we are worthy of God's love for one reason and one reason only - because Jesus shed His blood for our sins.  All our sins.  Every sin we've ever committed, whether we've confessed it or not, and every sin we are yet to commit.  We are worthy solely because God chose to love us in spite of our unworthiness.  

His love is supernatural.  His love is constant, unchanging, and never based on anything we've done.  

So go to church and enjoy seeing your friend, and enjoy taking communion, rest in the knowledge that you are loved and accepted JUST AS YOU ARE, EVEN AT YOUR VERY WORST.  Don't let Satan defeat you with shame and feelings of doubt and defeat.  God is right there.  He's holding you in the palm of His hand.  He adores you.  He cherishes you.  No matter what.

Sincerely,
Bj Hickman