Expert: Dr Eddy Cheong - 6/14/2007

Question
Hi I hope you can help me I have been a christian since childhood when I married my fatherinlaw unfortunately was a very arrogant man and had been physically abusive to my husband and his brother when they were youn g.. We stayed with my inlaws wehen we were first married because we did not haveany money to afford a home we stayed for three years. We paid our way but my fatherinlaw used to verbally abusive my husband and because of my love for my husband I really did not like him .We were afraid to say anything back as we were in a bad position as we had no alternative becaquse of our circumstances.  When we got the keys of a council house I decided that I was not going to put up with his remarks and also belittlement my mother in law was the same but not so bad as father in law therefore I stayed away from them. My husband still kept in touch with his parents as they were his flesh and blood and my children also had a relationship with them I would never stop that. My own parents thought I was right is staying away from them as it would have just caused a lot of resentment between my husband and myself.  I know that I was afraid of him.  He has now past away and I went to see him when he was dying to show that I did not have any ill feeling I really thought it was the right thing to do to stay away and because of my own parents I felt I wanted to use their guidance as well as my own. God never give me a sign to go to him earlier but since he died I was thinking that perhaps I was a bad christian not going to see him sooner.  Do christians have to put up with emotional abuse from someone because they are christian surely god does not want us to stay in a situation that is causing us hurt. I forgave my fatherinlaw myself years ago and I certainly id not ask for his behaviour and also I certainly never wished any harm to him in life.  I really thought at the time it was for the better good to stay away I hope you can give me reassurance that I did not behave in unchristian behaviour as I love god and I always try my best not to disappoint him I hope He will not condemn me thanks

Answer
A christian can be persecuted because of his or her faith John 15:20 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society

   
20Remember the words I spoke to you: 'No servant is greater than his master.'[a] If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also. If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also
However, from what I gather from your history the persecution from your inlaws started a long time ago and need not be necessarily related to christian faith.
It is difficult or almost impossible for two families to stay in one household and the Bible clearly states in Genesis that a man should leave father and mother and be united with his wife..
24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
Your father in law is the head of his household and your husband is the head of your household.