Expert: Kit Goins - 10/22/2007

Question
QUESTION: Hi and thanks for taking the time to read this,

I was baptised in 1989 and for a while i felt Gods spirit and purpose. But since then i have fallen away ( got involved in relationships twice) but have been back in my church for about seven years but even in that time i have struggled internet ponography and paying taxes. I have also suffered from bipolar disorder since i was very young which causes me to be very depressed for a while and then switch to elated and euphoric feelings accompanied by periods of wreckless behaviour (financial overspending etc..).

I have never believed in taking anti-depressants because i feel they take my self control away and i am no longer in charge of my actions, so i have avoided taking pills eventhough i get very very low.

I used to feel Gods forgiveness when i repented but now i feel like my heart has become very hard and it does not respond and Satan has been accusing me for all the sins i have commited sins becoming a christian. He keeps accusing yet i don't feel God hhas forgiven me.

i would appreciate any advice or perspective that i can't see.

Thanks in advance .

Toby

ANSWER: Hi, and greetings in the name of Jesus,

First of all, let me share with you, this;

All sickness and illness (particularly in the mind) comes from satan and/or his demons. You must always remember, one thing..
the battlefield is in the "mind". Satans greatest and main weapon is fear, and he attacks the mind alot. One of his names is "accuser" he constantly goes before the throne of God accusing anyone and everyone just as he did with Job.

I wish to congratulate you, on your decision NOT to take anti-depressants, good for you. One of the reasons this world is in the shape its in...is because of most all doctors (psychiatists especially) promoting the use of these mind-benders. They are tools of satan ! All they do is mask or hide the truth from oneself of their shortcomings.

Secondly, the true meaning of repentance is for one to "TURN FROM" satans ways (commiting/practicing sin) to Gods ways (turning to obedience of God) and STOPPING SIN (do not comit and or practice that particular sin again), If you feel that satan is accusing you of past sins, it may or may not be him...but actually the Holy Spirit doing so. Let me explain.
You see, one of the Holy Spirit's jobs is to "convince" and "convict" of sin. In other words, once you become a sincere christian, His job is to bring all known past/present sins
to ones awareness so that they can then repent(stop practicing that sin) of each one. He does this by convincing you of the sin, then convicting you of it, enough to bring you to repentance. This is the same way that happens to most, if not all that come to God sincerely. It happened that way to me. God is still not through with me yet, He is still bringing past sins I committed out of the closet.
So you see, what you think is satan, could be the Holy Spirit, but satan is attacking your mind trying to get you to believe it's him instead, so that you do not repent of your sins.

I went thru a heck of a time with porno myself But just continue studying God's word, and praying; asking God to give you more strength and willpower to avoid it. One other thing you can do which may help, is to get yourself a program for the PC that controls the content you see and go to. Or just configure internet explorer securit settings correctly (see the HELP menu item on the browsers help button on top, for how to do this) and in this way...if you have more trouble getting to the site with porno, it will help you more from wanting to see it...the Holy Spirit will then have a better and faster to help you avoid it.

I hope and pray this all helps
If you need further help I'm here for you.

In His Service, and Love
Bro.  Kit

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hi Kit
Thanks for your email. Ithas helped  me to try and understand my state of mind and mood.

I am glad that you have the same belief as i do about prescription drugs although i am a bit worried about my suicidal thoughts which i feel i am powerless against because they seem to keep haunting me. Do you know of any prayer or scripture that can help me to put these thoughts away for good?

My main worry is that God will not forgive me for the times i have let him down since experiencing rebirth. Hebrews comes to mind.

I appreciate your time and have already put a net block on in the past ( integrityonline) which worked very well. It just seems that i have allowed so much sin into my heart that it has gone hard!

Thanks again and may God and jesus bless you.

Toby

Answer
Hi, again...

The only verse that comes to mind concerning suicidal thoughts is this one:

John 10:10      "The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have [it] more abundantly."

Understand what this verse is saying here;  it's saying
the thief (satan) comes to steal, kill and destoy all that is of God...but Jesus has come to give life (thru Him)and to have it more abundantly. Jesus gives us this life thru being born again, not of the devil (practicing sin), but of God, thru Jesus (salvation). You see, Jesus has already won the war on sin and corruption, but satan is still in a battle for our souls by decieving us into not having "FAITH
in what Jesus has already accomplished.

I believe God has communicated with you in answer to your prayer, in that He has given you HEBREWS...and so that you can understand better, WHY...I will help you understand WHY.

The reason God has given you Hebrews, is in the Chapter 11 the first 8 or 9 verses and especially verse 6. Hebrews is considered by many to be the book of faith and its definition. It explains what having faith is all about.
And why you should have it. Who gives it and how it is rewarded.  Please read carefully this book begining with Ch. 11. Praying first, asking God to enlighten you on what He wants you to understand.

As always;
In His Service and love
Bro.  Kit