Expert: PD Love - 9/10/2007

Question
hi can you still forgive a relative who has died or do they have to be alive to forgive them. I never said sorry or told my relative that I forgave him before he died. I am so very sorry and guilty will god forgive me as I know you have to forgive before you can be forgiven but I am not sure if you can still forgive after someone has died please help thanks

Answer
Thank you for your question. It's a powerful one.

Not only can you still forgive someone who has died, you must. Your relative who has passed on will not receive the benefit of that forgiveness, but you will. Forgiveness is as much for you as it is for the one forgiven.

In his model prayer, Jesus taught us to pray, "Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors." To the extent that you forgive others, you allow God to forgive you. In a parable on the same topic, Jesus told the story of a master who forgave a servant a great debt. The servant turned around and beat and abused a fellow servant to get repayment of a small debt. The master, when he learned of the abuse, threw the servant in prison for failing to extend to his fellow servant the same forgiveness that master had extended.

There's nothing you can do about things you have done wrong EXCEPT ask forgiveness and grant forgiveness to others. If you want to be free of the guilt you feel, you must understand how grace works. God extends grace to his children but not to those who fail to "forgive from the heart." You are on that road. You may not have achieved the forgiveness before your relative passed, but you have now. That counts.

When we fail to forgive and move on, we harbor bitterness inside. That bitterness destroys us. It will destroy you. Forgive and move on. No matter how badly you have been wronged, your emotional, physical, and spiritual health requires you to forgive and move on. Let God repay; let the justice system work; and let the natural consequences of other's misdeeds catch up with them, but you, you must forgive and do so as quickly as you can--your health depends on it.

I know it was hard, but you have arrived at the forgiveness now. Remember not the hurt or harm. Remember that you forgave that harm and hurt. God knows even if your relative doesn't.