Expert: Phillip Senn - 9/2/2005

Question
Thank you for your speedy reply! I will pass on your scripture referrences.
In my opinion, her biggest problem is she doesn't want to be alone and therefore keeps allowing him take advantage of her in this manner to keep from letting go of the relationship. I'm not sure where her level of Spirituality is, but she has reached out to me and knows how I believe. I am encouraging her to end this relationship that she has admitted she needs to end it because it is going nowhere. I explained that God can't bless her with something new if she is holding on to the old. Any advice or scripture to go with this thought?
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Followup To
Question -
A friend is having a hard time letting go of a past relationship. She knows that this person does not care for her the way she wants him to and he is taking advantage of her kindness and generosity. She as leant him monies in the past that he has not paid back, he knows how to play on her sympothies and is now asking for another $500.00 loan. She said she knows he's just playing her but she is reminded of the scripture "do unto others". I told her that I would find her a scripture to show her that it doesn't mean she is to let people use her. Could you help?
 

Answer -
The Scripture says in Matthew 10:16, "Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore  wise as serpents, and harmless as doves". God calls us to use discernment in all matters. While we are told, "Judge not, lest ye be judged", we are also told to "judge righteous judgement". Neither of these passages indicate that we shouldn't judge at all, or use proper discernment. To the contrary, the same passage that says, "judge not, that ye be not judged" continues to say, "for with whatever measure you mete out, the same measure shall be measured unto you". If we judge (discern) righteously, righteous judgement shall be meted out to us. Furthermore, the Scripture says in 1 Corinthians 2:15, "But he that is spiritual judgeth all things, yet he himself is judged of no man".

The Scripture further says in Proverbs 14:13, "The simple believeth every word: but the prudent looketh well to his going". In other words, we should be careful in our actions. Every thing that we do or say should be under the control of the Holy Spirit. We should never dishonor the Lord with our finances, but whatsoever we do, we should do it as unto the Lord. The Lord has provided us with all that we have, and as good stewards of HIS provisions, we should be prudent in how we utilize them. What we have belongs to the Lord.

The deceitful will indeed play upon our willingness to minister to the needs of others. Even Christ Jesus was tempted by Satan in the wilderness to make the stones into bread for food. Yet Jesus saw through Satan's ploy, as has your friend, and knew it wasn't a wise thing. Your friend is wise to know the intentions of her deceiver. She should be wise in not allowing him to deceive her further into believing this would be a loan. He lies in wait to deceive, just as his father the devil, who is the father of all lies, lies in wait to deceive. She should "resist the devil, and he will flee" from her. When he sees that there is no hope of deceiving her further, he will be gone.

I appreciate your care for your friend. That is truely what a friend does. You have shown love and concern and that is a godly trait. I hope what I have shared with you will help to convince her that God doesn't want us to blindly walk in this life, but to listen to God and to wise counsel, as "... in the multitude of counsellors there is safety" (Proverbs 11:14).

Please rate this answer at allexperts.com and if you have further questions please don't hesitate to ask.

With Love In Christ,
Phillip Senn

Answer
Jannae,

Since you are unsure of your friend's spiritual condition, may I suggest that you make sure she understands that God wants her to have a personal relationship with Him through faith in His Son before she even thinks about relationships with others. Until you are sure you are dealing with a believer in Christ, you are spinning your wheels in sharing about her choices concerning other relationships. If she is a believer in Christ, God has created her in Christ Jesus unto good works and has before ordained that she should walk in them.

One of the clear teachings of Scripture is that we should not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. That would be in a social (dating) relationship or in a professional (business) relationship, and most importantly, in a marriage relationship. God wants our attention to be on him, and other distractions (things that the deceiver places in our way, such as bad influences) can keep us from focusing on Him.

We are not ignorant of Satan's devices (tricks). Unfortunately, the lost have no defence against his trickery. They cannot see because they are walking in darkness, stumbling around and falling hard. May the Lord Jesus use us as light and salt for this world we live in. May He grant to us the wisdom that we need to minister effectively unto those around us.

You didn't mention if she was married to, or had been married, to this individual. If not she should drop him like a hot potato. I have other advice for one that is being mistreated and is in a marriage relationship with someone like this.

There are many variables in dealing with someone like this. One is their personal spirituality, another their personal relationship...etc. It is very difficult, based upon the limited information I have, to provide a clear answer. Again, I appreciate your willingness to help your friend, and want to assist in any way I possibly can. I simply think an answer to this type of question without the specifics (some which you may not be able to share) might be premature.

The main thing is her personal relationship with God through faith in Christ Jesus. If she doesn't have one, she needs this dealt with first. God can certainly help her with those other problems once she gets that settled. "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you". May the Lord bless you as you minister to your friend.

With Love In Christ,
Phillip Senn