Christianity--Prayers/Prayer for assurance.


I need prayer for assurance. I don't know what to do anymore. My life is falling apart.  I have answered many altar calls in my lifetime, but was never absolutely sure that I was saved. The pastor of the church I attended always seemed angry and control
ling, so that's how I always perceived God to be.  I wanted to love God. but never fully submitted to him.  I started to rebel against him, and lash out at him in anger. I know he is calling me to repent, as he has many, many times before, but I just can't see myself submitting to his will.  I am mentally tormented about many things.  Is he going to make me go back to my old church?  Is he going to force me to stay on the job I hate, and continue working all day in the blazing heat outside?  is he going to thrust drastic changes in my life on me all of the sudden?
almost feel as if God is an angry tyrant and a hard taskmaster.  
If he is not, then why doesn't he just tell me?
I just need a prayer of assurance.  I don't know where to turn anymore.  I always found it extremely difficult to stay on the straight and narrow.  I made too many mistakes.  I lost interest in godly things.  I don't mean to sound like a crazy person.  I'm just very confused. Please help!

Dear Dave,

    I have been where you are and I want you to know, that although it seems impossible right now, the truth is, you will come out of this, I promise. God is not a man that he should lie. When I was struggling, I had been at the same church for about 7 or 8 years and then the Pastor and most of the leadership fell, some of the people in worship ministry were plain down mean and I thought evil. I could not understand it and when the church fell, I felt betrayed and lost. But God showed me that I never should of had that much confidence in a man in the first place, my eyes should be stayed on Him. So what I am trying to say is people are always going to let us down, so try to get past that but God never will. Although it seems as though He is ignoring you, I promise you He is not, He is very much aware of your circumstances and although it seems as if he is no doing anything, He is.
    I have rebelled and done a LOT of things that are horrible but God does get you to a place of repentance and help you move forward. What I did was first trust Him. Then I started listening to a lot of praise and worship music, (the kind you like) and allowed myself to be brought back into His presence.  Let me tell you, God is not a tyrant or we would all be dead. When it is said that God is kind and loving, that is true, we judge God by our standards and He can't be judged like that.
    God does not force us to do anything we don't want, he doesn't even force us to love him, so don't go back to that church you are not satisfied with, because God is not forcing you to and don't stay at a job you are not happy with, just have a place to go to before you quit, we all have choices, just make the right one and pray before you do it.
   I did not want to read the bible or get down on my knees and pray all the time either but now, I love praise and worship, even if I am just listening to it and meditating on God, and I love talking to God, I am not where I need to be with reading the Bible but God is still working on me as He is with you. So don.t be afraid, or feel condemned, just continue to keep putting one foot forward but do it with God in mind. When you mess up, confess it and move forward after asking for forgiveness, this time n your life will pass. God is coming soon.... love you, Sharman


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Sharman Castillo


Praise God, I can stand with you and believe God for your blessing. I can pray with you, when you need a friend. I have not studied at any Colleges but I have picked up the Word of God and read it for myself. His Holy Spirit will stand in agreement with us. If we pray according to His Word.


God is good and has brought me through may trials, whether self-inflicted or not. Our lives may seem hopeless but as long as there is breath in our lungs, there is always hope. I want Gods people to know this, as well as the lost. I remember I wanted to sing professionally for the Lord, but I did not have the voice to do it. I prayed and asked God to bless me in this area. I forgot that I had even prayed this prayer and two weeks later God supernaturally blessed me with an awesome voice. I believe God for the impossible, because He is the possible.

National Honors Society
Society of Leadership and Success
The American Society of Composers, Authors and Publishers.

I am a published Author, my books are:
Not That Road
Wow Stories Volume 1 and 2
The Lie
and The Millennium

Psalmist who plays the Violin, Classical Guitar and Piano and sings.
Associates in Arts- Music May 2014 NW Vista College
Theology Major- Anticipated Graduation May 2016 St. Mary's University

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