Christianity--Prayers/No Husband/No Family (pray)
QUESTION: I have been Baptist my entire life. Been going to church Sunday morning and night and Wednesday Bible study. In my entire life I had only 1 boyfriend for 4 months and never had any other relationship, date, or other boyfriend.
I am 37, lonely and single and have started sleeping with a neighbor. I don't believe God has plans for me or a husband...so I have started sleeping around, sex chats, and porn.
I don't know what to do and I feel sad and depressed. I did everything I was ever asked in church. Prayed. Read my Bible. Yet I am alone and have turned to fornication.
I wanted to be married and have kids ever since I was 15...and I didn't sign up to be a celibate nun my whole life. If you can offer some advice I'd appreciate it...but I don't need shaming.
Why didn't God provide me with a husband and all I have to turn to is fornication and raising illegitimate kids. I want children before it is too late.
ANSWER: Hi Priscilla,
Thank you for writing. Obviously, I can't begin to solve your life's problems with so little information. You are young to be throwing in the towel on life already.
Many go to church all their life and 'stay where they got in'. I hear nothing of your relationship with Jesus Christ. I hear 'Baptist' but not Savior, Redeemer.....friend. In all these short years how have you served Him. Every child of God has a 'calling' and is blessed with certain 'gifts' to fulfill that calling. What are your gifts? Who have you helped along the way? How have you been blessed?
Like Paul, the love provided to us from Christ, enables us to be content in all things. Our first love is to be Christ.What I'm saying is, the Christian walk is all about relationship - relationship with our Savior and Lord, the Christ of God. Our walk is not about works, as I'm sure you have been taught. Yet, there are those who believe if they sit in a pew each Sunday, go to midweek services, and never miss contributing to the potluck, their desires will be met. That's not how it works.
I'm so sorry you are so unhappy with your life. You sound very angry. It sounds like you are allowing your anger to control your actions. Remember, dear one, we never sin alone. When you make a 'choice' you also 'choose' the consequences. You sound like you know what you are doing and you don't care. That's very dangerous. If you have 'walked the walk' in the past, what kind of witness do you feel you are now to your faith? If you had a child, would this be your counsel to him or her (If I don't get what I want, when I want it, I'll do it my way) - forget God? I find that hard to believe. A person that has been born again
Is a new and beautiful creature. Their sole desire is to live for Christ. You say you don't need to be shamed. I agree. The Holy Spirit, your Teacher, Counselor, and Guide, I'm sure has taken care of your instruction. You asked me for advice - that I will lovingly give. Listen to your Teacher. Follow his lead.
Involve yourself in Christian service. Give of yourself - Christ promises you will get back far more than you give.
I don't know what your life has been like, or the choices you have made. I don't know if you've gone to college and chosen a career path ...... Or if you've already reached your goal. I don't know if you feel you're on this earth for a reason. All I know is, you've given up on life. You've thrown your life to the wind and whatever happens - happens. Sad. That doesn't sound like a women that's ready to take on a husband and family. You are responsible for your happiness. A husband and a child can't make you happy. That's not their job. You have to bring something to the table.
Is this what you wanted to hear....., I don't know sweetheart. But I do know, what you're doing isn't going to bring you happiness and peace.
You are shaming yourself. Stop, and set things right with your Lord and Savior. Then set reachable goals and move forward. Get the right friends around you.
Understand, dear one, 'If you keep doing what you've been doing, you'll get what you always got'. Change churches is necessary. Find something you're interested in and get involved. Let people see the good side of you - show your strengths. Establish a 'servant heart'. Do something different! Reinvent yourself.
You are young - the whole world is before you! Go on a mission trip to places like Haiti - look at life through a different lens. See what you're made of. I think your world is far too small right now. That's my advice sweet girl. Go find yourself - I have no doubt it will be a wonderful discovery.
Blessings and love, in Him,
Rev. Ramona Stonecipher
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Thank you for writing and this brought tears to my eyes. I have given up on my life. I threw in the towel years ago. I go to church but don't have much faith in God or myself or hardly believe anymore. I see God working in other people's life but not mine.
And yes, I am pretty pissed off about it. I've been abused, mistreated, and humility and in ALL cases God never did anything. Matter of fact I have seen some of the worst people get some wonderful blessing while I have literally gotten nothing but more pain. It has left me so unbelievably hurt that I have given up almost entirely on God.
I don't know what my calling is. I have never "heard" God or felt a "calling." All I know is I hate the direction my life has gone. I guess the problem is after going through so much pain and abuse, I don't believe God loves, cares about, has plans for me, has a purpose for my life. I can't pray anymore with become enraged or crying, so I have stopped praying. I am not sure God hears and I don't feel loved.
I feel kinda like Lot, and unless God intervenes and takes me out of this mess, I don't know how to do it myself. I've tried and failed again and again and again. I hate feeling empty. I hate sitting home alone. I hate eating dinner alone. I hate sleeping alone. I hate that I that no ones says I love you when I come home from work. My cats never laugh or compliment my cooking and they never tell me I am pretty.
Getting love and attention and some affection from my neighbor is the only thing keeping me from walk out of this life forever. I have been thinking about suicide because I would rather be gone than live alone with silence and no one to talk to.
Haiti is a pretty BIG step for someone who does not believe nor has the income to travel. Is there some small step I can take today? Something realistic and do-able? Is there anything I can do now, in this moment to get out of this? I don't have any kind of BIG faith nor much motivation...but I am willing to try.
Thanks for your time and I don't mean to sound angry or bitter at you. I sincerely want help and advice...and I don't mean to be rude at all.
May God give you the wisdom and guidance you need to help me,
Priscilla, my apologies for not getting back to you. My iPad hasn't been working right and only this morning did I see that I had emails to answer.
I pray you did not take offense when you didn't hear from me. I reread your first email to me and my answer. I still stand by what I said. I didn't intend to be mean either. But, my friend, your decision to turn to your neighbor apparently hasn't worked either. Using people, or being used, is never the answer.
Hopefully, your relationship will turn into something beautiful.
Haiti indeed is a big step!! I meant it to be big! But whether it be Haiti or somewhere here in the United States, you need to go 'somewhere' where the suffering can put your life in perspective .i stand by what I said, "if you keep doing what you've been doing, you'll get what you've always got." You don't have to have 'big faith'.... How about a 'big heart'! How about relieving somebody else's pain? How about giving of self?
Suicide is never the answer. You have something to give - everybody dies. You want something do-able. I don't know where you live but there has to be a church that has a strong mission program. Go and talk with them and ask if you can go with them on their next trip. If you need funds, talk to them about it and the church will raise the funds to support you. Step out in faith !! Whether you believe much in prayer or not, ask God to open doors for you. Put a plan in place and MAKE IT HAPPEN! There's countless opportunities to 'give of yourself' - but you have to follow through. Everybody wants friends, so reach out!
What are your strengths? What are you good at? What makes you happy? What are you willing to do? YOu have to take charge of your circumstances, and stop allowing your circumstances to take charge of you! You have a good head on your shoulders, use it! I can't believe you don't have 'anything' to offer somebody! I truly pray that you commit to go with a Mission Group somewhere and 'just be available' to whoever needs you. It may be a child who's lost everything... A family, perhaps animals....... Go, and put them first and tell me it didn't change you. I care. I care slit.
Blessings, as you go forth,