Expert: Dan Hotchkiss - 12/12/2010

Question
Hello,
   I have been a Christian pastor for 30 relatively healthy and productive years.  I had my gall bladder taken out 3 years ago because I lost 50lbs in a couple of months. Then last year I was sick again in the hospital with stomach problems for a month.  I recovered but this year I was again in the hospital for 3 weeks and in the months since getting out I am still sick.
    I can see that the congregation is concerned that they think their pastor is dying.  Mostly what I think I see is fear.  I even think some think it would be better if I left because it is too hard for them to deal with it.
    I carry on as if nothing is changed and work just as hard as I always do.  But I want what is best for the congregation and don't know what to do.  The doctors don't know what is wrong with me and I don't either.  I have at least 6 years to full retirement. My denominational officials are no help at all and probably see me as a liability as well.
    I serve the Lord the best I can and ask for His counsel but don't know what to do, look for another church, stay and carry on or just give up.
    Any advice you can give would be appreciated.

Answer
Brother Ed,

When the pastor gets sick, the congregation often responds as a child might to an ailing parent. A few may be mature enough to see you as a person and respond with real compassion, but most revert to the most primal of fears: Who will take care of me? Anger follows: This isn't fair! Bargaining: If we can encourage Ed to move along, we'll have another pastor in no time. And, of course, Denial: Great sermon, Ed!

Most congregants don't show these childlike emotions directly. Instead they translate them into their adult forms: gossip, strategy, and politics.

I don't know whether you should stay or move. I would suggest that you seek out the few members of your leadership mature enough to see your situation for what it is: a season of life and ministry that both you and the church need to address in a way that teaches others how to live when it's their turn to be sick. With any luck at all, there will be at least one member of your denominational leadership with this kind of spiritual maturity as well--though you may need to go outside the direct chain of command to find one.

Options to consider include adjusting the congregation's expectations, making yourself a lame duck by announcing a departure date, staffing differently to provide the support you need, early retirement, finding a less demanding position, and continuing where you are. If you decide to stay, you will need help from mature souls to find a happy balance between honest acknowledgment of your condition and crying on the congregation's shoulder.

None of this is easy, Brother Ed! You have my compassion and my prayers.

Dan Hotchkiss
www.danhotchkiss.com
www.alban.org