Expert: Don Stevens - 3/31/2011

Question
sir, i am a pastor in charge of a church.i ve bn in the ministry for 10 yrs now, i am 35 married with four children.my problem now is that i am commiting adultery with a young woman of 22yrs since 3month ago i ve made up mind to stop and repent genuinly my question is what do i do now, should i report myself to the church authority and face the consepuence of my action which may include my removal or should remain silence and confessed to therapist especially as the lady involved is not a member of our church and the affair is to the best of my knowledge known by only two of us for now .i am considering the devastating effect this will have on my family and the church if it ever known

Answer
I'm so sorry that you have disappointed yourself, your God, and your family. The good news is that God's grace can cover all of this. However, your wife and family may not be as forgiving. Sexual sin is the only legitimate cause for divorce. This could be a consequence of any confession. So, you should weigh heavily whether to make this confession known to your wife and family and church family.

The Scriptures say we are to confess our sins one to another. You have a good start by confessing it to me, a fellow Christian. I suggest now that you also find someone near you that you trust and make the confession to them.

If your sin is truly a private sin between you and the one other individual, then the question is two-fold, "Do you trust the other party to keep the sin private?" And, if the answer to this is, "Yes.", I suggest you then ask yourself, "Does my private sin warrant a public confession?" In other words, "Will this public confession cause more harm than good?"

If you answer that question sincerely, after much prayer, you will have your answer. I often do not suggest public confession of private sin. The problem is that another person is involved. Should that person ever make public your private sin then the repercussions are immense. I think you will have rather confessed it yourself. At least confessed to your spouse. In either case, you alone can make this determination. And, only after much prayer and much thought.

I pray God gives you the best answer and the courage to follow it through.

May God richly bless you. As Jesus once said to an adulterer, "Neither do I condemn you. Now, go and sin no more."