Expert: Eleanor Edwards - 10/9/2008

Question
Hi! So, I love so much. Typical i know, but its true. I know he has a Christian background, but I've been feeling as though our relationship won't go anywhere unless he is an active believer. I go to church once a week and have been inviting him, but he seems to not be interested. His parents are not Christians, and he seems to have resentment towards God from because of his grandparents dying. I know about being equally yoked, and thats important to me, but since he isn't and active believer, should i not be in this relationship?

Answer
Hi Aubry,
Thank you for your question. From the outset, I should be fair and tell you that my husband isn't a Christian yet so I come to your question with my own bias which other Christians may not agree on. However, unlike yourself, I entered our relationship at a time when I was avoiding God. I didn't ask God if this man was part of His plan for me and I didn't give the suitability or otherwise of our relationship a second thought.

The best advise I can give you is to pray lots and lots about this. Pray not only for your boyfriend but also for what God would like you to do.

I have to ask you something else first though about your own relationship with Jesus because in the subject line of your message, you describe your boyfriend as a 'non-active Christian' but go on to say he seems to have some resentment towards God. Something like 70% of people in the UK (and therefore I guess it would be a similar figure in the US) describe themselves as 'Christian' but when you ask them about how they became a Christian, things get a little more complicated.

A person is not a Christian if they go to church. They are not a Christian if they try their best to read the bible and be kind to people. I spoke to a very earnest lady just a couple of weeks ago who said she was a Christian and yet when asked about her faith, she said things like she tries her hardest to be good to other people. When I told her about God's free gift, Jesus, she seemed surprised.

I therefore have to ask if you have a personal relationship with Jesus. God loves us all so much, He sent Jesus to die on the cross to pay the penalty for all the things we do wrong. However, we must thank Him for this gift, say sorry for the things we have done wrong and, invite Jesus into our lives. This is what it means to have a personal relationship with Jesus.

If you've already taken this step, brilliant :) If this is something you need to talk about more, feel free to get in touch again (I've included my email address at the bottom.)

So back to the question of your boyfriend, as I've said already, the best thing you can do for  him is pray for him. My husband and I have been together for nearly 12 years. I have to confess that I was rubbish at praying for him until recently but my mum has been praying for him for the last 12 years. For the first 11 years we were together, we couldn't talk about God stuff, it would just end in a huge argument. I remember the day I told his sister that God made the world. He was furious!

This last year though, whilst he still seems a long way away from accepting Jesus, he has also softened a huge amount. This is due only to the way God has used the prayers of others to change his heart.

The reason why I suggest you seek God's will for you in this relationship is that it may be that God led you to this young man as a way for him to come to know Jesus. Only He knows the plans and purposes He has for your life which is why I would encourage you to ask Him.

The passage in 2 Corinthians 6 does spell it out very clearly that we shouldn't be unequally yoked but the advise in 1 Peter 3 is for those believers married to unbelievers so this suggests that although we're told to be equally yoked, God also knows that things don't always go the way He instructs us. I guess this just proves that He knows what we're like!

I hope this advise helps some. Please feel free to keep in touch as I'd love to hear how things are going.
In His love and service,
Eleanor
allexperts@eleanoredwards.co.uk

John 3:16-17
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.