Expert: Pastor Don Carpenter - 11/3/2008

Question
I've been going out with my boyfriend for 6 years now and we are already in our late 20's. He's given me an ultimatum, and i have a week to choose to either be just friends or fulfill his sexual needs. Not actual sex (because we agreed not until marriage), but other things that would cause him to ejaculate. He says he gets really stressed out thinking about it because he feels as though I am rejecting him (which is completely not true). I really love him a lot, and would love to marry him. But he wants to see that i can make him feel good first before even considering marriage. I don't feel we could just be friends because I love him too much.  I want to serve the Lord and I don't want to go against God's word. We been through this struggle so many times within the last year, and he says this is the last time. It's now or never...I don't know what to do. Should I stay or risk losing someone I really love? MOST IMPORTANTLY: Is fondling ok as long as we don't have sex?

Answer
Hi Daniela,

Thank you for this great question.  I am so very sorry for my late response.  

You are in danger!!!!  Do not open that door of sexual promoscuity even if you think that you are committed not to have intercourse.  Paul gave only two options not to commit fornication.  Let us look at the Bible:

1 Corinthians 7:1-2

Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
The King James Version, (Cambridge: Cambridge) 1769.

In order to stay pure either you:
1.  Don't touch - at all!
2.  Get married.

Clearly fondling to the point of orgasm is breaking this scripture.  The other thing you must know is once you release that sexual energy, it is going to be almost impossible to hold it back.

Love is all about meeting the needs of the other first.  If your boyfriend has given your a sinful ultimatum, he has shown his true colors.  He has shown you that a marriage with him will be focused upon you sacrificing principles in order to keep him happy.

I am sorry to be so harsh, but I have seem this many times before.  Unless he repents, he may ruin your life.  Your commitment to purity in this day and age is rare and powerful, do not let this man spoil you.

I hope that this helps you.

In Christ
Pastor Don