Expert: Susan Milillo - 12/10/2008

Question
Yes he would come over and have sex with my mom.
But I don't know why I remember that dream or thought so well.
I'm exactly accusing them because if I was molested,it could have been anyone.I'm not sure if and who.I doubt that I was raped because I probably would have remembered it more.I would cry if I Was raped because I want to be a virgin,I'm practicing abstienence.And sometimes I feel that I want to be raped or molested.I don't know where all of this came from.
There was a western on tv and my mom doesn't watch bad westerns but it was on tv and it showed budity in it and I got hooked in what it was and I got curious.I started staying up until 4 in the morning watching pornography.Whenever I could.I've thought about sex every since about 6,7,or 8.IS that normal?

Answer
Dear Corrina,

How are you? Please forgive me - I've taken way too long to reply to your most recent questions here.    I also told you I would find some things online that give 'symptoms of childhood sexual abuse', and I thought that was going to be hard to find.   But I did come up with two websites, I'm sure there's more out there, that you could take a look at if you think they'd be helpful to guide your perspective any, or even just to put your anxieties to rest.  The first one is a Christian resource, the second one is not produced specifically as a Christian resource.

As far as if it's normal for a child of 6/7/8 yrs. old to be thinking about sex, I have to say I'm not most knowledgeable in that subject. But I would say that if a child is exposed to sexual images or ideas too young, before they can in any way understand it, yes it could definitely be a major topic of curiosity.   It's especially not healthy for a young child for it to be a matter of mental obsession.
I don't believe children are able to handle the 'passion' side of the sexual experience knowledge -- they really can't comprehend it - they are not mature enough or developed enough in other ways to be able to put it in context.   

I personally think that when a child first learns about sex, it should be through the verbal information (like, with a book with non-sensual diagrams or drawings, etc )  from a parental figure who is committed to protecting their children from misuses.  I can imagine that when you saw that stuff on tv, it wasn't in an academic way at all, and you were probably just like, 'Whoa, what do I do with THIS new mental input?!'    You know what I mean?

And dear girl, NO you don't want to be raped or molested ~~ You had just said that if you had been raped, you would cry because you want to remain a virgin.   So you obviously could NOT want that.   Take it to God. He hears your heart, your thoughts, your pain, your needs. He understands your confusion, and loves you in the midst of it all.

So, the websites are below, but just one more thing:  I highly recommend you seeking out a professional counselor, a Christian therapist. Do you know of anyone like this? Sometimes you can ask other Christians you  may know, or if you are not comfortable with this, you may be able to find a list on a website such as 'The American Association of Christian Counselors'.  You could probably find someone local to you that way.  This is so important, for someone with in-depth, professional knowledge in these things to be able to help you talk through and work through these things from a Christian perspective. I so wish I could help you further, but I don't have specific training in these specific areas. But I hope that what I've said so far will help you get to the next level of healing and becoming the Godly woman God made you to be.

Love in Jesus,
SM

(and keep writing to me!)

And read Psalm 139 a couple times


http://www.focusonthefamily.com/lifechallenges/abuse_and_addiction/sexual_abuse....


http://early-childhood-development.suite101.com/article.cfm/child_molestation_pr...
(Scroll down to 'Signs of Childhood Sexual Abuse')