Expert: Susan Milillo - 3/19/2008

Question
QUESTION: hi susan,

im 21 years old and my sister is 19 years old (She's HOT). for the past 4 years we have been arousing each other everytime we felt like it. but since 2 years ago we have started having sex. what does christianity say about this?

our family knows we have sex like every fortnight or every month, even my and my sister's fiancee know that also but they don't mind us.

we've practiced everything from blowjobs and licking the pussy to hardcore. i even almost got her pregnant twice aswell for which she took a pill.

we just have to have sex every month if not every fortnight. what is the view of christianity on this?

please reply back to me

michael

ANSWER: Dear Michael,

    To be perfectly honest, the Bible strongly condemns incest.  Deuteronomy 27:22 actually says there is a curse on anyone who does this.  It is part of what the Bible would refer to as sexual perversion.    I don't know if you are just intellectually curious; but if you want to know because you actually want to obey God and know how he feels about it, you're going to have to stop it. There's nothing sinful about objectively finding someone, even your own sister attractive, but it is definitely sinful to act on that in any kind of sexual way.  Probably you will need to remove yourself from the situation for the time being so you aren't overly tempted. Sins like that are very hard to overcome.  But keep in mind, God's Word says, "There is a way that seems right to a man, but the end thereof is the way of death." (Proverbs)
      And if you and your sister are both engaged, that only adds to the wrong, because you have promised yourselves each to someone else -- "forsaking all others." How are you going to do that if you are setting such a prerequisite now?
      And just a note on 'we just have to...."  No, you don't!!  Culture tells us this, that we can't control ourselves, but yes you can!  Don't let anyone tell you you're just a wild animal who is not responsible for his actions.  God gives us commands, and we are responsible to obey them; otherwise there will always be unfavorable consequences.
      Please keep in touch and tell me how things are going.  
         Sincerely,
         Susan M.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: hi Susan,

we are going to try not to have sex that often now and eventually hopefully stop.i have shown my sister this message now and she agrees with stopping this incest sex act aswell.

its just that i think i shouldn't have been the brother of my sister because she has everything a man can ask for:
big green eyes, thin rosey lips, shoulder length blonde hair, slim body body, big breasts, long legs, tight vagina and asshole and perfect hands and feet. even looking at her a man can feel aroused.

what if we stop having sex with each other, will it be allright if we masturbate on each other and slowly quit everything.

did i tell you i got her pregnant about a month back and she had an abortion last week?

keep in touch

Michael

ANSWER: I'm sorry, but no Michael, you have to completely cut off the sexual side of the relationship.  I can understand the fact of attraction, but even masturbation or anything is just plain sin.  I'm sure it would be hard for me if I were in your shoes too, so I'm not looking down on you.  I just need to say that if you think you are going to stop slowly, you are deluding yourself.  Something like that is an addiction, and has to be totally cold turkey.  Every time you feed this thing, it will only make you want it more and more.  In this way, it will never stop.  You have to 'beat your body and make it your slave' (I Corinthians 9:27) in doing the right thing. Like I said before, you might even have to distance yourself geographically from her for a long while. Things like this don't just go away on their own.  
Now, are you engaged to someone?  Basically you are wishing your sister were not your sister so you could be engaged to or married to her.  If I were in your fiance's shoes, this certainly would not be my dream come true.  
Read I Corinthians 6:18.  It says 'flee sexual temptation'.  Sounds to me like you're kinda' sorta' hoping it will just gradually go away on its own.  Please take it from me, it won't!!

With Concern,
Susan M.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Susan can you now tell me if i stop having sex with my sister and move away from her. am i allowed to have sex with other women if it's allright with my fiance. or can i have sex with my fiance out of marriage?

what if i move away from my sister and she follows me. i might not be able to stop myself from having sex with her again. what should i do then?

Michael

Answer
Do what's right, and trust in God to take care of you!
No, don't have sex with other women, and wait till you're married to have sex with your fiance. Anything else is called 'fornication' in the Bible, and totally not God's desire or plan.  Only heartache and mess can result.  
Remember you always have a choice. Make sure your sister knows your intention of breaking things off when you remove yourself from the situation, and if she does follow you, remember that you don't HAVE to do anything.  There's a saying that says, "The will of God will never lead you where the grace of God cannot keep you". I know that sounds trite, but it's true.  But set concrete, hard and fast boundaries between the two of you, and stick to them, even if they seem unnecessary at the time.  Do you really want to follow and obey God?  

There are a few things you can do to help yourself so you won't be as likely to give in to temptation, and to help yourself be stronger to do what's right and what you know God would have you do:   There are online Christian programs designed for those with sexual addictions.  One I know of fairly well is called settingcaptivesfree.com  The one I think would help you, under that site, is called 'Pure Freedom'.  It's  basically a Bible study, and you have an accountability partner.  

Now also, do you live alone? If so, don't even let her in your apartment. I know this sounds extreme, but you know they say extreme times demand extreme measures.  The idea is you don't want to tempt yourself so much by being alone with her.  Always be in a public place.  

I think too, it would be great to get some professional Christian counseling. I know I'm considered an expert on this website, but I am not a licensed counselor, and I can't help you as well as someone with that training and skill.  I can only offer you the few things I've learned.  

Lastly, get involved in a relationship with a godly Christian man, who will ask you straight out questions about what you are doing, and maybe even a mens' group, where there are other guys you can pray with.  

And remember it's not just keeping away from things you shouldn't be doing, it's about putting the safeguards in place that will help you get stronger and stronger. There's a verse in the Bible that says, "Make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill it's lusts." This means basically, don't even put yourself in a situation where you will be overly tempted.  And take a look at I Corinthians 10:13-14, "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear, but WILL WITH THE TEMPTATION ALSO PROVIDE A WAY OF ESCAPE, SO THAT YOU CAN BEAR UP UNDER IT."  

But you've got to answer this honestly ,  Do you really want to obey God and follow Him? If you don't really want to be free of your sin, you're just playing mind games with yourself, and fooling around with God.  He WILL help you, but you have to surrender your own will.

Take care,
Susan M.