Expert: Carl Fuglein - 3/25/2008

Question
Hi Carl,
I am a mother of 2 boys, 6 and 10. I am trying to get a handle on what they will deal with as they reach their teenage years and what God expects from them. I have read Dobson and others who say they are going to masturbate and to make a big deal out of it will only lead to excessive guilt and hurt their relationship with God. Well, obvioulsy I don't want that, but I do want to be sure I'm giving them the truth on it all. The Bible doesn't mention masturbation, but it does lust. Can/ do boys masturbate without lusting? Does masturbating lead to wanting more, seeking pornography, etc?
Thanks for your time
Karen


Answer
Hi Karen-

The bottom line is that they're going to masturbate.  Statistics show that 95% of guys do (and it's rumored that the other 5% lied on the survey).  It's good to not give them a lot of hassle about it.

I personally think that you can't masturbate without lust, but there are some who disagree and think that it's only a natural physical release and reduces stress.  The problem starts when it becomes an addiction or obsession - doesn't happen all that often, but it can happen.  In that case, you definitely need to seek professional help.  How to prevent it in the first place?  Probably just ignore it.

I would highly recommend a book to you - it's called "The Struggle" by Steve Gerali.  It will give you some great insight that could help.

http://www.amazon.com/Struggle-Steve-Gerali/dp/1576834557

As for "the talk", be open and honest, don't fudge on the details - answer all their questions.  And for sure, tell them that oral sex IS sex and doesn't get them a free pass.

Good luck. Hope this helps.

carl