Expert: Carl Fuglein - 4/23/2008

Question
hi,

i am a 16 year old girl and my brother is 20 years old.
i just wanted to know whether it was acceptable for a brother and sister to show their naked body to each other?
please answer the two questions below as well:

1)i am asking as me and my brother walk past each other almost everyday, without any clothes on. i know it seems odd but it's normal for us.  sometimes when he's having a bath and i need something from the bathroom i just ask him to open the door and let me get what i want and if he wants something when i am bathing i open the door for him.

2)is it acceptable for my brother to masturbate in front of me or on my body without touching my vagina or my ass? (he has done once before with my permission). and is it okay for me to masturbate on my brother without touching his penis?(not tried yet).

thanks

Sara

Answer
Sarah-

You are treading on dangerous territory.  Nudity in families is sometimes acceptable, but generally frowned upon by society in general.  But your issue goes beyond that, because it has become sexual.  If the nudity doesn't bother you or your parents, then I have no objection to it, but the masturbation is definitely an issue.

There is a lot of controversy as to whether or not masturbation is a sin, but what you're talking about is not really masturbation - when you masturbate ON someone (your brother either ejaculating on or rubbing his penis on you) is no longer masturbation, but sex, as it is involving two people.  You could argue that it's not REALLY sex because it's not intercourse, but if you use that rationality, you're only fooling yourself.  If he masturbates on you, and you masturbate on him, you're both going to have an orgasm, and that's sex.  You don't have to have a penis penetrate a vagina.  Oral sex is sex, too, like it or not.

If you're 16, you know that sex before marriage is a sin.  What you're confused about is whether or not what you're doing is a sin, and it is, in two ways.  First of all, it IS sex, and secondly, it is incest.  Sex between family members other than husband and wife, is socially taboo, and is also against the law in  all states.

God wants you to remain pure for your future spouse.  Sexual experimentation, which is what you're doing, is going to take away the magic and the mystery out of doing it on your wedding night - learning sex together is a good thing, and it should be done AFTER you get married.

Sarah, think about this - if you had to ask if this behavior was okay, your conscience must be at least putting that question in your brain - it must be telling you, this isn't really right, is it?  I've found in my many years, if you have to ask whether or not it's a sin, 99 times out of 100, it is.  You obviously have some questions about it, otherwise you would not have asked.

God will forgive you for your past behavior, and I think you need to have a serious talk with your mom about sex - why you've done what you've done, and why you want permission to do more.

Sarah, it's YOUR body, you get to choose.  I can't choose for you.  I can only tell you that I think it's wrong from God's point of view, from society's point of view, from the law's point of view, and from my point of view.  If you continue down this path, you're going to want to do more and more, and ultimately will have total sex with your brother, and trust me, you do NOT want that baggage as you grow older.

Stop the risky behavior now - no nudity, no masturbation.  You can do it.

hope this helps.  Feel free to ask any more questions.

blessings,
carl