AboutDana Expertise Hi. I would like to help with any problems you are having living out your life for Jesus. I am born again, and have been since I was in 4th grade. I came from a dysfunctional family, and Jesus sought me out. As a teen, I really struggled with many things. It was hard being the christian in my family, and trying to be a good example of Christ to them. My heart is now to help those struggling the same ways I did. I want to be able to help guide them through, and let them know there is light at the end of the tunnel. If you are struggling, I am here to help. Or if you just have a question about being born again. I hope I can help.
Experience I have taught 5th grade Kids Club for 16 years.
Education/Credentials The Pittsburgh High School for Creative and Performing Arts
LaRoche College: Graphic Design
Question QUESTION: There are just so many things I hate about myself --
Ive been addicted to porn for maybe 2 years and masturbation for at least 4...and the really sad part of it is im only 13. The road through all of this has been going up and down...i get better and worse...better and worse. Right about now im at the bottom again and i dont understand how God could ever love me again.
I got back from a mission trip to the Philippines and am to upset wiht myself at how selfish I am with everything! and yet no one back here seems to care. Even worse what was wupposed to be a great trip was made a little less amazing by a girl everyone thought i got along with. now, back home, everyone "lets" us work together. Shes horrible to me and yet no one else really sees it or does anything about it.
I also hate how I look. OK...so im not fat but i sure feel lit. I toyed around with the idea of not eating...not seriously... but i just cant do it! Right now my plan is to just watch what I eat a little more carefully and try not to take the extra second helping. I know its not healthy but i just wish i could change how i look.
I dont really feel like i have anyone to talk to and so all on this has been sitting inside of me for i dunno how long. Im a Christian but i guess im a pretty horrible one! Ive tried this sight a few different times but i guess i kinda need a new answer and some sort of assurance. HELP!
ANSWER: Hi Julia.
I believe you have written me before, and I wrote back a few times, but I am not sure you got my messages.
I am so sorry you are going through this hard time. First I will start with the porn. You probably already know what I am going to say. You need to get rid of it. You need to seperate yourself from it. It won't be easy because it is an addiction. People with addiction to drugs and alchohol need a lot of help from family and friends to get through it! Porn is so much more personal, it is hard to just ask friends and family to help you through it. God can help you get through this issue. I will be praying that you seek Him for help, and that he rescues you from this temptation. The bible says that God will always provide a way out when we are tempted. We don't have to follow through and sin. Feeling tempted is not the sin, but following through is.
I am glad you got to go on your missions trip. And I think any one of us would come back to our cushy lives in the US, and feel selfish. I am sorry that this girl made your trip less amazing. My advise would be to talk to a youth pastor or leader about her.
You don't have to get into any detail, but just explain that you would like to be seprated, at least for now.
Now let me tell you that 13 is a very hard age! Your body is really going through a lot of diffent things at once, and your looks are changing, your body is changing, and you are going through a huge transition. This is a very important time in your life, and this is not the time where you need to extreme diet, or choose to not eat. Your body is growing, and you need to eat to stay healthy. What you can do is choose smart foods to eat, and regular sized helpings.
Let me tell you that your a definatly not a horrible Christian, you are just a normal Christian. We all struggle, we all sin. But the amazing part of the story is, that we have a God who loves us unconditionally. A God who loves us, no matter what the sin is. Sure we disappoint him with our sin, but he is willing to forgive.
Dear Julia... Jesus choose you. He knows your heart. He loves you very much, even when you sin. He is never going to leave you, and He has a huge plan for your life. I am so sorry you are feeling so discouraged, and that you don't have anyone to share this all with. But I am glad that I am here to help, and if you would like to keep talking with me, please just write me back.
I will be praying for you!
Dana :)
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: THANK YOU SOOOOOOO MUCH!!! I am still taking in all that you have said.....and I guess Im starting to realize that i can do this.....slowly but surely.
Two things -- one, separating myself from porn will be so much harder than it sounds. Everyone around me trusts me and thinks im such a great kid. Not that im really wanting to mess up........but what do I do if i fail...fall back on old habits??? Where do i go then??? Im having the most trouble with it on the laptop ive gotten through school. Because of the source everything is monitored and i dont understand how that all works and i dont dare to try to get a more strict filter.
And with my "friend".......were into a lot of the same stuff... Im really into dance and i feel really close to God when I get the chance to do it. Ive danced with quite a few different people at different...so when someone from my church asked if i would do it with a few other churches i jumped at the chance. Just so happens that shes in the dance. The choreographer (only the most AMAZING person!) has put us together to work on everything and she thinks shes so much better because shes taken YEARS AND YEARS of dance and ive learned thru church. Not that im that great but im good at what i do.
Im sorry of any of this seems kinda overwhelming but i just wish there was anyone i could talk to. If i tell someone at school my mom would know in 30 seconds flat and shed tell everyone. Theres my youth pastor.....hes great but we dont do a ot of more "serious" youth groups and itd just be akward. There is a youth pastor at another church that i think could help me. I dont know her that great but i go to youth group fairly regularly. WOULD TELLING SOMEONE HELP??? If i were to tell someone how would i say it?
Thank you so much for the advice. It really does help!!
julia
Answer Hi Julia.
I am so glad that you responded back.
And I am glad that you realize that you can get through this! It will be one day at a time, and with the help from the Lord, you can do it. You will need to rely on His strength and not your own.
The problem we have in this generation, is that it is sooooo easy to just have the internet, and look up things we shouldnt. And it is hard because we need the internet for certain things, so it is hard to just get rid of it. But you can do it. Like I said before, God always gives you a way out if you are tempted. (1 Corinthians 10:13 says, "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." )
God is faithful to YOU. And I will be praying that you can stand up under this sin, and that you will defeat it, and that it won't defeat you!
But please beware, you may fall into temptation. It happens to the best of us. (Especially where you deal with addiction.) But don't give up. If it happens again, go to the Lord, express you regret to Him. Cry out and tell Him you want to stop, and you need His help! Ask for forgiveness. And if it happens again. Go back to the Lord. He will never give up on you!
Now, moving on about your "friend". It is hard when your dealing with a difficult person and they happen to be everywhere you are, doing all the same things you like to do. But if you are close to the Lord when you dance, your going to have to try hard to not let her get between you and God. Dancing seems to be the way you like to worship God the best, and it doesn't matter is she is better than you at it. The Lord sees you offering praise to Him through dance, and that is what matters most. Maybe you can talk to the choreographer about it.
You need some support Julia. I am afraid if you keep all this to yourself, you will just explode! I can understand why you don't want to tell your mom. Maybe it could be the youth pastor at a different church. Maybe it will be less awkward than telling your own youth pastor. But believe me, I am sure youth pastors have heard it all before! This is nothing new to them. You need not be embarressed. It will be hard, but after you do it, you will have such relief. I would start out by asking him to keep what you are saying confidential, and just explain your problems like you did to me. And tell him that you need some kind of support or accountability. Someone that you can talk to openly and honestly. Someone you can cheer along side of you when you are doing well, and fighting the temptation, and someone you can tell when you fall back into temptation, so they can help you get back on the right path.
I pray that you find the right person to come along side you and be your special support. I would like to help support you too, but I think you really need someone live and in person to help you out.
I hope all that was helpful. You can write to me any time with more questions or just to let me know how you are doing. My personal email is: bubbarae007@yahoo.com
Thanks Julia. I will be praying for you!
