Expert: Susan Milillo - 5/4/2008

Question
I guess i just dunno how God could ever love me again and how I can ever live with myself.

Ive been addicted to porn for maybe 2 years and masturbation for 5. The really sad part is, im only 13. Ive been going up and down......and this past week ive done either or both at least once a day. Yeah...its fun when I do it but afterwords i just get to upset with myself. CAN GOD LOVE ME? CAN I FORGIVE MYSELF?

I also happen to feel like im the ugliest person alive. I weigh 130 lbs. and am 5'4. Ive toyed around with the idea of just not eating for a little while but I cant really do it....I get so hungry! I know its not a good idea but i just want to loose maybe 10 lbs or so.......something to make me look a little better. It seems like all of the girls i see are so much smaller than me.

I just recently got back from a trip to the Philippines and saw a lot of life changing things. I really want to make a difference but feel totally incapable. I also just dont know how to live my life now. I do know what im going about now isnt good but i dunno how to change.
On that trip someone was continually picking on me and taking stabs at me both right in front of me and behind my back. Its so hard because I want to change but even back at school she talks about me behind my back or just plain ignores me. To make matters worse everyone  thinks were the best of friends and "lets" us work together.

Im not even sure i really want to. I mean i would love to be able to life without any of the temptation but I just feel so horrible if ive been doing good and all of a sudden i fail again. IS IT ALL GONNA BE OK?

Please.....i just need some honest answers! Im sorry if this is sort of overwhelming but I guess I need someone to talk to and just help. Theres not really anyone I feel comfortable talking with, even though I live in a Christian family and regularly go to church and a Christian school. Everyone i could talk to would way overreact and soon the whole town would know. Please, help me!

Answer
Dear Julia,

I think we talked before. I'm so sorry I can't answer in more detail right now; it's pretty busy. I'm going to have to resign from allexperts
because we are in the middle of a move into a house.
Just one thing though.  I really think you need to consider going for Christian counseling.  And don't worry about what anyone will think. You have to take care of you.   I'm sure they have skeletons in their closet too.

With love,
Susan