Expert: Carl Fuglein - 6/5/2008

Question
QUESTION: For the last couple of years, I have been addicted to pornography. I am currently fifteen. I decided that I was going to make sure that I stopped no matter what the cost yesterday. However, I was wondering about something. A year ago, and some times in between, i masturabted to gay pornography, even though I'm straight. it wasnt even an experimental thing, i just thought why not? However, after doing that, it has attached me to it in a way that even though I stopped awhile ago and had only masturbated to straight pornography before, during and after these times. Am I write in thinking my view on the situation: "I started this by masturbating to straight pornography a couple years ago. A year or somewhat longer ago, I masturbated to gay pornography just for no reason, even though I am perfectly straight. I still am, however after my masturabating over the past nine months, I've had continual homosexual worries. I'm thinking that this is from the attachment to gay pornography, because I know now that when you masturbate to anything, you become addicted to it, and it's categorized. (Different addiction feelings to gay, straight, etc.)That because I haven't yet known that I am utterly stopped, and that the chemicals are still there, even if I haven't masturbated to gay pornography in a long time, that because I'm keeping the chemicals alive through straight porn, and that keeps the gay pornography ones up as well? Also, would these stressful bit of depressing thought were I involuntarily for whatever reason search for evidence in my mind that shows that I'm gay, or makes me think that I am even though I physically and mentally am not, the chemicals keep saying that I am, and they won't go away until I am rid of pornography? Kind of like cocaine, I'm thinking that these bits of depression and homosexual thoughts brought on from that gay pornography are the "low" after the "high" from the drug that is masturabation? Any insight into this would be appreciated, and I have a feeling that I'm right, as my mind feels at ease with this conclusion.

ANSWER: Gerald-

Well, first of all, if you're worried about being gay, chances are pretty good you're not.  Most guys who are gay know it right off the bat at a very early age, even before puberty.

The addiction to pornography and masturbation can't really be linked to one or another type of pornography - as far as I know, that's just habit.  there is indeed a chemical reaction in your brain to your first several episodes of sex that fool it into thinking that that's the only way you'll ever get satisfaction.  That addiction can and should be broken - I would suggest you stop looking at ANY pornography, gay or straight.  And try to stop the masturbation.  If you have a way of ordering it without arousing suspicion with your parents (or if you're not embarrassed to admit your problem to your parents), I highly recommend this book:  http://www.amazon.com/Struggle-Steve-Gerali/dp/1576834557

It will give you a whole new insight to masturbation.

If you are really struggling with the porn addiction, there are a couple things you should do - find an accountability partner you can trust, and get accountability software (go to http://x3watch.com/ and click on the free software on the bottom left) This software will record when you visit a porn site and report it to your accountability partner.  The thought is that if you're tempted to go visit a porn site, you'll think twice knowing that someone else is going to find out your secret.

Also, go to http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/ a Christian site about porn addiction and read everything - you can get more information there than I can even begin to give you.

Thirdly, if your parents are supportive, you can tell them about your depression and ask them to send you to a psychologist, then tell the psychologist about the porn and masturbation.

Hope these ideas help.

blessings,
carl


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I just wanted to send this last message, just so that you know I cannot express how much I appreciate your help. I have a girlfriend the same age as me, and she makes me feel happy, and warm inside. basically the way a guy should be attracted to a girl. In this way, I know that I am utterly straight, but you are helping me answer all of the questions that I have been wondering for a very long time that have plagued my mind, and my thanks is a small but hopefully appreciated show of how much this helps me. I'm not sure why  I'd have slightly different reactions to the two different types of porn, however seeing as how what I said before "it isn't real sex" I'm guessing you can't really get any accurate information from pornography and such? Well, once more, thank you so much.

Answer
Gerald-

You wouldn't have to worry about the different types of porn if you didn't look at ANY.  You really ought not to be looking at it for a lot of reasons, which I think you already know.  In many cases, it IS real sex, but that's all it is - sex.  Sex within marriage is not just sex, it's intimacy.  Casual sex will fry your brain because it just makes you feel good, without achieiving intimacy.  I've read letter after letter and article after article by and about teens who wish they had waited until marriage.  I can't tell you what to do with your body, but I can tell you that the intimacy achieved within a marriage is so much more than "just sex".  "just sex" for the fun of it (and this very much includes viewing pornography of any type and masturbation) is nothing more than selfishness - and this is the kind of sexual immorality that the Bible talks about - sex without a committed marriage partner.

I believe I sent you to xxxchurch.com.  They can help you with a porn addiction, and I highly recommend that you do all that you can to stop the addiction.

hope this helps,

carl