Expert: Carl Fuglein - 7/10/2008

Question
Hi, I been gay since age 6 Ayers old. I remember running after friends in school, horseplay around & I liked touching them. Anyway i now gave my life to Jesus, I'm really trying to change. I was in a five Lyra relationship with a girl, i left her, even started looking like a girl cause i look like a boy totally. I wear a wig to service & my pasture helps me out on looking more like a girl. Now my ex got a hold of my phone number, & its hard to break away & mainly cause i think i still have feelings for her but i keep praying to stay strong and i yet haven't seen her in person, i keep playing hard to get and him fighting these feelings. I don't want to go back to my old ways cause i love God & don't want to go to hell and hurt him either ? Please help me on how i can fight off these demons, & stay strong ? Please !!!!! Thank you, & God Bless.

Answer
Jenny-

You have to make the decision every day to not go back to where you were.  Physiologically, if you think you were gay at 6 years old, then most likely you are, and you won't change.  However, you CAN choose celibacy.  The sin is not the being, the sin is in the doing.  God loves you more than you know, and he wants you to live a pure and holy life.  That may include never having sex - there are a lot of celibate Christians.  Not having sex is not the end of the world.  And it's possible that you might eventually fall in love with a guy, too.  Few people are 100% gay or 100% heterosexual, but most have a little bisexuality thrown in the mix, they just don't act on it.

I think you need to tell your ex to quit stalking you, and get a court order if you have to.  Make the decision every day to not have sex, and to stay strong in your faith.  Playing around with hard to get, that is NOT in your best interest.  Break it off cleanly.

God is on your side, and he's not going to send you to hell just for having feelings.  Feelings are neither right nor wrong, they just are. Pray every day.  Join a singles club and go out to socialize - go on trips or to museums.  Find a hobby you like, then see if there are any groups in your area and join them.  Put God in your life, and let HIM replace those feelings for your ex.

Jenny, I can't make you straight, and I don't know anyone who can.  But we can love you and encourage you to make the right decisions in your life from today forward, and that's what I urge you to do.  Tell your pastor what you've told me, and let him (or her) help.

hope this helps.

blessings,
carl