Expert: Susan Milillo - 8/4/2008

Question
QUESTION: I have a 17 yr old boy & a 13 yr old girl. They have been  raised in a southern Baptist church from the time they were 6 weeks old. They have both recently told me they do not believe in God. I feel like my heart has been ripped out. I don't know what to say or do. I have tried to tell them how God has helped me so much. Especially being a single mother for 17 years. Can you PLEASE help me?

ANSWER: Oh, goodness, I am so sorry after reading your story! This is such a heartache.  You know, I think the best way I could help you would be to refer you to someone I know, who has much more experience than me on such things -- My father, actually. He has been a pastor for years, and is very humble and gentle, a very good counselor.  I'm not sure how much my 'resume' showed, but I am merely thirty years old, and my only child is 4. So I could share with you what I've heard, and what I think, but really I think my father could answer this much better. He's a real student of the Word.
Do I have your permission to speak with him?
Otherwise, I can always ask AllExperts to refer you to somebody else.
Please let me know,
In Jesus Deep Love,
SM

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Yes, you have my permission to speak with your father. Thank you so much for your help.

Answer
Dear Jenn,

I thought of you today when I was reading something.
My husband and I are part of a parenting class at church - We're reading through the book Shepherding a Child's Heart, by Ted Tripp.
It's excellent, so far.  Chapter two is what I'd highly recommend for you to read.
It discusses how the input given to children is important as far as influencing them, but the other part of the equation is that they must in turn respond to the good messages they've been given.
Ted Tripp puts it SO MUCH BETTER than I just did. See if you can get your hands on this book.

How is it going by the way?   I don't know about your kids, but sometimes adolescents vent and say things just because they are confused or upset.  Maybe they really do believe more than they have made it seem.

With God's Love,
SM




















Hi Jenn!
So sorry, finally have a response for you.  I will cut/paste it here:
This is the e-mail I received from my dad:


Dear Susan,

I am willing to help trusting that the Holy Spirit will give insight and
wisdom in counsel.   So, here is what I have for Jenn.  Please forward this
to her.



Dear Jenn,

It would help to have some more information.   I suspect that having to
parent your children without the help of a husband has been a significant
factor in how your children regard God.  A big part of how a child thinks
about the heavenly Father is usually learned
by seeing an earthly father who loves and cares for the family.   If that is
missing it is a real handicap, but not an insurmountable one.    Not knowing
anything about their father I can't be real clear in my counsel.   However,
pointing out to children men that they could admire who are good models of
what a father should be would help them to see some of the character of the
heavenly Father.    Then point out to them the great fatherly attributes of
God as they are presented in scripture.

There He is seen as loving unconditionally, nurturing from total dependence
to maturity, providing for all that we need for life, trustworthy in keeping
His promises, righteous in all his ways, holy... hating what is evil and
destructive of our physical and spiritual well being, protecting his
children from what would hurt them, instructing them for their good and
faithfully chastening them in love to keep them from taking a path of
destruction.    That is the kind of a God that we serve.   We might sum this
up with that simple but wonderful word that we find in the Bible.   It is
the word, "good".    All that God is and all that He does is good.     That
is precisely the attribute that the Devil loves to attack most (See Genesis
3:1-5) because it is the one that encourages us the most to trust our
perfectly wonderful and loving God.

Here is a passage I would encourage you to meditate upon and teach to your
children:
5 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own
understanding.

6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

7 Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil.

8 It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones.

(Proverbs 3:5-8).

See in this passage what we are asked to do and what are the good results
that come from obeying the instruction.

Faith and trust in a God who is altogether good is key to a youth's
willingness to love, worship and serve Him.
"We love him, because he first loved us."  I John 4:19   These truths must
be pressed home to your children.   Maybe you have done all that and still
don't see good changes in their lives.    There are many factors that tend
to blind children (and adults as well) to these great truths about God.   I
can't take time in this letter to speak at length about them.   I will just
list some that come to mind.

1) Legalism that obscures the grace and love of God and chills a child's
spirit toward God and the things of God

2) Hypocrisy on the part of those who profess faith in Christ (in the family
and in the church)

3) Ungodly friends (often the peer group)

4) Absence of good parental modeling (or mimicking, Ephesians 5:1) of God's
good character before the children

5) Humanistic teaching in public schools that undermines faith in God's
word.

There are others that could be added.   Maybe you can think of some.
What ones do you think were most influential in turning your children away
from the Lord.    Understanding that will help us to know where to begin to
counteract the negative influences and lies that have infected their hearts
and minds.    That is where I will stop for now until I hear from you.

Yours in our loving Savior,

Pastor Tom Phillips