AboutWilliam Conde Expertise I wish to help young people like myself better understand and navigate their own lives, regardless of what the issue may be. I have extensive experience with college life and various aspects of teen drama, and have served as a valuable advisor to many around me. While my abilities are not centered around he said/she said situations, I will endeavour to work with each inquirer to better his or her knowledge of him- or herself, and to help solve any problems from an empathizing, understanding, non-judgmental viewpoint. I recognize that life as a Christian teenager is not the easiest thing in the world, but I want to help believers make sense of the world in which we live--as a supporter, and not merely a judge.
I particularly wish to inspire individual thought and free thinking amidst those who come to me, as these skills and behaviors can potentially alter one's entire perception of the world--often for the better.
I sincerely love and respect those who come to me to work together to find answers: their bravery in asking questions will be responded to with care and compassion.
Experience I have been a college student for several years and have worked with many friends and companions regarding life issues, ethical decisions, Biblical learning, and other miscellaneous helps. I have also been a Vacation Bible School counselor, along with a Sunday School teacher and a secular camp counselor, and thus have extensive experience working with youth towards proactive goals. I have an active, creative mind and always wish to inspire others towards clearer thinking and self-examination.
Organizations Boy Scouting of America, Phi Theta Kappa Honors Society.
Education/Credentials Licensed Pharmacy Technician; B.S. degree in Chemistry (Biochemistry Emphasis).
Awards and Honors Order of the Arrow (Honors Society of Scouting); Eagle Scout.
Expert: William Conde Date: 8/4/2008 Subject: My Son Says He's Agnostic
Question I have a son who is 22 yrs old. A good kid with a kind heart. He has informed me he is now agnostic, that he believes there is a God but not just a Christian God, believes in evolution, does not believe that all gays/Muslims/Hindus, etc. would go to hell just becuz they don't believe in his God, doesn't believe in heaven, and seems to look at everything logically instead of with faith. I am heartsick about this and don't know what to say to him, as I don't have responses to some of his questions except that I have faith. Any guidance you could give me would be much appreciated.
Answer Dear Cris,
I understand that you must feel very confused and worried regarding this new direction in your son's life. Such a change can seem like an immense wall that separates your son from you, or perhaps as though he's betrayed his upbringing.
Fortunately, this is not necessarily the case--and I'm quite happy that you can still tell that he is a good kid with a kind heart; many parents, upon hearing from their children a decision that seems unlike their upbringing (i.e. being agnostic) would consider them to be worthless, or ungrateful, or perhaps disown them. I applaud your ability to see that your child is not merely lost to you.
The word "agnostic" comes etymologically from roots meaning "without knowledge;" what it means is, as you may well know, the adherent does not know what to believe, exactly. It's something of a brave position, as it says that the person doesn't really have a clue and is still trying to figure things out--though some do occasionally use it as a crutch to avoid having to pick a side.
It is common for young people in the college and university age demographic to go through an agnostic/atheistic/religion-rejecting phase. This is in part because they're starting to move away from their families as people (building their own sense of individuality), and in part because they're encountering a world that claims to bill itself more on fact and less on belief. (Of course, there are many matters in the world which are not a matter of fact at all, but they are usually cleverly framed as though factual to coax people into accepting them as such.) I have known many young people who have gone and/or are going through similar phases, and I can assure you that it's not the end of the world.
One of the best things you can do for your child during this time is serving as a nonjudgemental source of support. It is true that you are likely worried about the repercussions of his choice should he remain agnostic, but not very many people remain agnostic forever; something generally happens, in time, that moves them towards a particular faith. Also, while your son may say he doesn't believe in a "Christian" God, he may be telling you (and himself) that what he doesn't like is the way Christianity approaches faith--the doctrines and so forth. It is good to remember that the key message of Christianity is that we have broken faith with God by acting sinfully, and that we must reconcile ourselves to Him by accepting His forgiveness--everything else is icing on the cake, metaphorical gravy, and while it is important and lends breadth to our faith experiences, it is not what will save us. Realize that if he died tomorrow (heaven forbid!), his spirit may not yet be in any danger, as he may still believe on some level the core issues of faith.
Another reason that young people often become religion-rejecting is that of the way people in religions present themselves. Young people often believe that they're coming to an understanding of the world that they never previously possessed, and one element that often stands out in their minds is the hypocrisy of the people in various religions. They generally hate it when people are pushy about their faith--no matter what faith it is--because it reminds them, often, of parental nagging. So, if you wish to put a good face on Christianity to your son, it would be best not to push him, not to nag him, but instead to serve as quiet, loyal support to him as your son--the best example of Jesus' love and acceptance without condemnation that you can be. Remember that Jesus reaches out to each person as they are--not as He wants them to be, just yet. The changes occur as life unfolds and He works with each person who accepts His help.
It may or may not be a while before your son moves back out of his agnostic phase and into a faith. Bear in mind that there is always a risk that he will choose another faith. As he is becoming an adult, he is entitled to make his own choices--but remember that no matter what his faith is, he will always be your son, and in that, if not because he is one of God's children, he will always deserve your love and support. Even if he goes a different way, your gentle ability to be there for him may sway him to return.
My best wishes and prayers go with you as you strive to be the most loving example of Christianity without overbearing to your son as he struggles to make sense of a confusing world of ideas. Should you have any additional inquiries about this matter, feel free to submit a follow-up question, and I will do my best to again be of service.
