Expert: Susan Milillo - 9/22/2008

Question
Hi!
I'm N.G, and I have a question I was hoping you would be able to help me with. There is a boy that has just started to come to the church I go to.(his nickname is Vanny) He has never been to church before, and he lives in a bad part of town.He has said some very...disturbing things to say the least. I've been trying to love him as Jesus said to, but he is one of those people who WON'T let you love or be nice to him. I'm worried about one of my friends. He has said some hurtful things to her, and to me, and just about everyone else in the youth group. Our leader has called him down many a time, but he won't stop! He said it wouldn't be right to kick him out, but he is making everyone else miserable. I don't know what I can do to help. So what should I do?
Thanks for listening.
                         Sincerely, forever His servant,
                                         N.G.

Answer
Dear N.G.,

I'm so touched by your question, as it shows a sincere desire to reach out to someone hard to love.   Remember Jesus said, "If have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance," and , "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the (spiritually) sick."  

One of the best things you can do in this situation, is to 'Be not overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.'  (Romans)    We will certainly be hurt by the world system portrayed in people and their sin natures -- but encourage your friend, and all you know who have been personally affected, that God wants to use even these hurtful things to help you all grow in your personal walks with Christ.  Remember the verse, "You indeed meant it for evil, but God meant it for good!" --I believe this was said by Joseph in Genesis, when his brothers found out that he was the brother they had tried so hard to persecute.  

The cost of reaching the lost (and he truly sounds like one of those who have 'never heard' of Jesus and all God has to offer him)  can be very high. But what greater opportunity, than the one which you and your friends and fellow youth group members have?  He will most see Jesus in each of you as you forgive him in spite of his meanness, and continue to love him.  

About that,  I know some people react badly to love and to niceness, to the point where you feel like it must not be doing any good, or it's not getting through, or not making any difference.  But I am positive that more is getting through than you know.   And loving is not something any person can ever stop you from doing.  "While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us",  and "Surely He took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows (display of Christ's love), but we considered Him stricken, smitten by Him (God) and afflicted " (We rejected Christ's love)  
'Agape' love, the unconditional love God has for us and which He enables us to have for others, always loves - it 'always endures' - I Corinthians 13), and is stronger than any resistance towards it.  Vanny apparently will not respond well to it now outwardly, but you never know what is going on inside someone's heart -- or will happen in their heart in the future, when they really start to feel their need and God's Spirit reminds them of the kindness you all showed.

So don't give up! Sometimes the meanest people are those who are most hurting inside.   Jesus came ' to seek and save the lost '.   There's a reason Vanny is even coming to church.  God must be getting through to him somewhere, take that in faith, and keep going, out of obedience to God.  Let the Lord care for your own hurting hearts, which quiver at his mean words, and keep 'loving him like Jesus'. (You know that Casting Crowns song? so good!)

And most of all, you personally, and with your friends, PRAY PRAY PRAY! Pray for strength to endure insult and strength to love.  Pray for wisdom to see how you can offer Vannie help with needs he may have (some anonymous gift, etc./ help with a school project / a birthday card, etc.   Get creative!)  - I guess preferably something he won't feel any pressure to respond to (something done privately). If he has 'walls' built up to protect himself from something, it's likely that he won't want to admit ANY weakness, even to say thank you. But trust and believe that it IS getting through.  No one, no matter how hardened they are, is completely unable to  be touched by God's kind of love!!   And remember, when it gest the most hurtful and hardest to endure, remember that your gifts and acts of love are ultimately to your Savior Jesus Himself, and He sees it as such.  Such gifts are never unappreciated.  

And most importantly, pray for Vannie himself, that God will cause him to open his heart to God's voice.  Pray for Vannie to become willing to listen to God the Holy Spirit.  God certainly is speaking to his heart, as He promises that His Word 'does not return void, but will accomplish the purpose for which He sent it' - and 'He is not willing than any should perish, but that all should come to repentance'!  And if God is speaking, He can get through.  "He cut through bars of iron" -- Ps. 107 (please read this whole Psalm, you and your friends, it's really good!!) Esp. v. 16 is what I thought of.  So Mostly, pray that Vannie's spirit will yield to the Holy Spirit!

       I too long, and pray for Vannie to be saved.  I have never met him, and could be way off, but it's my inclination to think that he is really hurting, and really needy, and the meanness and tough-guy act is just a front.    But in any case, God is always faithful, and He will help you.  He is able!!!

      Please keep me in the loop. I would so love to see what God does through you and your friends, and through your prayers for Vanny.

"But God demonstrated His own love for us in this, that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."

This is one a praise song, do you know it? ~~

"He is able, more than able, to accomplish what concerns me today
He is able, more than able, to handle anything that comes my way
He is able, more than able, to do much more than I could ever dream
He is able, more than able, to make me what He wants me to be"