Expert: Susan Milillo - 9/28/2008

Question
Hi!
Hope you remember me! Thanks for the advice about Vanny! I don't have any more info on that issue because I was sick and unable to go to youth group last week, but I'll be sure to keep you in the loop!
I have another question that I was hoping you could help me with. One of my guy friends at church I like, I don't really know how to handle it. I've liked people before, so it's nothing new, but I don't know how to handle it as a follower of Christ. So, how should I?
Sorry. Hopefully this will be the last time I have to bother you about a 'crush question'.
Thanks for listening! (And for the answer!)
                         Sincerely, forever His servant,
                                            N.G.

Answer
Dear N.G.,

    Not at all, please don't worry about it. Ask as many 'crush' questions as you want.  I remember the confusion and frustration of those days.   Now that we are married, my husband and I sometimes say to each other how glad we are that we don't have to deal with it at all anymore.   But I'm sorry, telling you that doesn't really help you now, does it.

    There is a lot of relationship advice out there, and the hardest part is that apart from God's standards, there is no cut and dry solution to how to go about it.   Now, as a Christian,  God wants you to be pure -- no like, dressing scimpily or carrying yourself in a sexy way, to get the guys' attention.   No flirting with other guys to make him jealous - that is not loving to either guy, or honest.  And, make sure the guy you like is someone who loves God and wants to follow Him with his life.     

     Besides all those things, there are a couple other guidelines that hopefully will be helpful, although perhaps other Christians would advise you in other ways; this part is not 'right or wrong', in other words.    I hope you don't mind, I asked my husband's advice about this, and I think it was really helpful to get a guy's perspective (so you know, my husband is a committed Christian).  His advice is,  get to be friends with the guy.   And, give him the chance to feel that he has wooed YOU. (In other words, if you make it too obvious, or throw yourself at him, there will be no challenge in it for him. Guys like to feel that they have 'won over' a woman's heart.)  Of course this doesn't mean to be fake and dishonest in acting like you don't care at all.   Just be yourself. Don't hide the fact that you care, but don't be afraid to hold back a little bit.  
And most of all, pray!  

        It would be great to hear more about the situation, so I can think about it in a more helpful or successful way.

Sincerely,
S.M.