Expert: Carl Fuglein - 9/17/2008

Question
I am a very overweight teenager and I am very depressed. I am very ugly too. I am 17, I am in a Christian family and we go to church and are devoted to God. There is something that I cannot understand, though, and it is depressing me a lot and I tend to dwell on it a lot.

It is about my weight, and the way I look. First off, I know that everyone sins, but I believe that I am a very good person. I try to always do the right thing. I have never drank or done drugs and I plan to stay a virgin til I am married. I pray to God on a regular basis and one thing I pray about is my weight. I have been struggling to lose weight for over two years. I have been exercising 4-5 days a week for the past year and following a diet plan set out by a doctor. I have been doing everything right. Yet I cannot drop a pound no matter what I do. I am so depressed and I hate the way I look.

What depresses me even more is, I am a good person, why can't I have just this one little thing? Is it just too much to ask? What makes me so angry is that there are people out there with NO morals -- celebrities who are greedy, porn stars who are basically prostitutes, etc. -- and THEY are the ones who are thin and beautiful. A guy in my class was playing a joke on me and he emailed me a picture of a porn star and said to me, "don't you wish you looked like her" and I was so upset. Why should a PORN STAR have a thin perfect body and tons of hair and a pretty face (well she looked trashy, but she was STILL prettier than me) yet someone like me, who tries to be a good person and has faith in God looks like a whale? I am not saying that if you are a good perfect Christian then you should be thin and beautiful, but...why not? I know quite a few Christian people who are unhappy with the way they look. It's just not fair. Good people often do not have the looks or the fame, and yet all the greedy celebrities and porn stars and the like seem to have everything.

I pray for a lot of things, but I also pray for ME, that I want to lose weight. It seems like God is against me, when it comes to my looks and my personal goal of losing weight. I just don't understand it. I am not asking to be "rewarded" with good looks just because I am a Christian, but...why do all those evil people have looks and great bodies and everything? Why should a PORN STAR have a thin body, and I don't?? You would think God would be on my side. If you are truly beautiful on the inside, you should be beautiful on the outside. I know that is not how life really works, but I cannot get over this. I get so angry that I am so fat and ugly.

It is just not fair!!!!!

Can you help me understand what I am feeling? My mother says I should not live a good life because I want to be rewarded. But I don't feel that way! I live my life good because that is the way I want to live it. I just don't understand why I seem to get NO rewards at all.

Answer
Lara-

When God looks at you, He sees a beautiful young woman.  Struggling with weight is a tough problem - I have it, too - but you need to understand that God loves you no matter what you look like or what you weigh.  It may seem like the Porn Stars are beautiful and thin - but would you change your life for theirs?  Obviously not.  I know it's tough, and I know it seems totally unfair, and sometimes it IS totally unfair, but what you have if you love Jesus is the promise of eternity with Him, and He loves you unconditionally.

Lara, do what the doctors tell you to do, eat the right things, and don't obsess over losing weight.  Just do what they say, and ultimately the weight will come off.  The greedy movie stars may have everything, but the vast majority of them are missing Jesus.  Do you really think God is rewarding them?  Not God.  God wants them to be more like you - loving Him and living a good life.

I don't know what else to tell you, and I hope I've helped.

blessings,

carl



Lara-

There is a book, "Do you Think I'm Beautiful"  that you might find interesting.  You can find it at Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/Do-You-Think-Im-Beautiful/dp/0785263551

hope this helps.