Expert: Carl Fuglein - 11/2/2009

Question
QUESTION: Hello sir/madam.
i'm in love with a boy who is a non-christian. u abuses me and treats me badly. but i forgive him as i am a christian. i pray a lot for him but i'm seeing no change. i stopped talking to him for 8-10 days and completely surrendered him to God, then i saw a change in his behaviour, he confessed his fault and i again forgave him. now the same cycle is repaeating. wwhat sholuld i do so that he may know Jesus Christ. plz help, i do not want him to live in darkness, but whenever i say something about religion, he gets angry. he basically does'nt believe in any religion.
our relationship is also on rocks, but i love him and i don't want to disobey God. plz help me ,and suggest what can i do.


ANSWER: Hi Minal

Leave him immediately - God does not want you in a relationship where someone abuses you.  No matter how many times you forgive him, he will still abuse you,  It is a behavior that is very rarely stopped.  You can continue to pray for him, but you need to be out of that relationship.  God wants better for you.  I believe you are disobeying God already by staying with him.  

I know this is not the advice you want, but I can't tell you any other - once a bf abuses you, apologizes, and then abuses you again will not stop.

I pray that God gives you the strength to leave this relationship.

blessings,

carl


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank u Sir for answering my query. I am 26 yrs old. and my parents are searching a Christian boy for me but i'm not getting a proper boy. the boys just refuses me.i then get this rejected feeling that i am not goodlooking and boys wants beautiful girls only. 1st of all i'm not mentally prepared coz i love my bf. i tend to think maybe God wants him to change so my marriage is not getting fix. plz reply me Sir,i'm i thinking in correct way.
and 1 more thing, u said leave him. Does it mean i should stop talking to him or reacting with him. how can i avoid him.. plz tell me how should i try and what should i do?
how can i know God's plan for me and him? what should i pray to God for him and myself.
i'm sorry for asking u such silly questions but i'm so much confused. i am so much tempted and he is continously on my mind.
Sir, i'm Doctor by profession. plz pray for my career and personal life.
thanking you so much again. will earnestly wait for ur reply.
God bless u.

ANSWER: Minal-

You come from a culture different than mine, so I'm not sure I can answer your questions.  It sounds like your parents are trying to arrange a marriage for you.  In my culture, if you're 26, you're an adult and you should be looking for you your own husband.  If you're a doctor, I know you have to be intelligent - you should be able to break away from your boyfriend by just not seeing him any more.  Tell him that you're not interested and not available, and tell him why  - abuse is just not acceptable.  I don't believe it's God's plan is for him to change, but perhaps for you to break away from what is more normally acceptable in your culture - you do not have to put up with his abuse nor do you have to let your parents choose your mate.  I think you should concentrate on your profession and someday God will reveal to you who your mate should be. Your looks have nothing to do with it - you are a child of God and beautiful because of it.

I don't know what other advice to give you than to be patient to see God's will.

blessings,

carl


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Sir, i'm trying my best to be away from him,but the moment i decide in my mind,he starts behaving well and then i'm held up in difficult situation.he is very reserved by nature. i then start feeling guilty that i'm hurting him,he stays very sad then. i have read about the Ungodly tie and i also prayed to break it,but i have become so weak that i don't know what to do. i used to think that maybe coz of me he will turn to God,but then i realised i'm wrong. If God wants He will change him acording to his will.. plz pray for me. and reply.
can i continue to pray for him? how can i know what God's plan are for me? Dear Sir, i feel bad that he is not knowing our Jesus and that makes me so much upset,plz pray for him also.
should i give a break for some time and be away from him so that i can come out of the tied emotions?

Answer
MInal-

Yes, please do pray for him, but you have to leave him.  He will turn to God when he decides to.  As for God's plan for you, just keep praying for him to show it to you.  Eventually, he will.  Perhaps God is telling you now to concentrate on your work and not worry about marriage or a relationship.

blessings,
carl