Expert: Carl Fuglein - 10/7/2009

Question
I'm 18 years old and a freshman in college. I'm Lutheran and I believe in my faith. My father is the president of my church and for the past two years, we've really clash on what I wear. I like to wear Converse, dark colors, and dark nail polish one day, and the next day, I'll wear a peasant skirt and flats. I vary with what I wear, but most of my clothes are dark in color. I've been categorized as "indie emo" by a lot of my friends, but I don't worship the Devil or cut myself. I always wear a gold and silver cross necklace that I was given for my 18th birthday, and even then, people say that I'm just being "ironic" by wearing it. Recently, I decided I wanted to get my nose pierced mainly because I could. I don't believe in smoking or gambling, and I want to be a teacher, so I figured I'd get the rebellious side of me out with something that is removable, unlike a tattoo. Because of my past clothing habits, my dad told me that I was falling away from God and that I'm turning my back on everything I believe by getting any more piercing (I have both of my ears pierced twice in the lobe). I asked my mom what she thought and she agreed with my dad. I want to get my nose pierced because it will heal and my future employers won't notice, unlike a tattoo.  I know it seems silly to get it done, knowing that someday I'll take it out and let it heal, but I'd really like to have it done as a form of self expression.  
My main question is, is it right to get it done even though they said no? Am I going against God by getting it done? Yes, I dress "emo" but it's like dressing "preppy" or "skater"; it's how you choose to dress based on what you can afford. I'm not trying to go against anyone with how I dress, it's just what I chose. I'm not a depressed person, I'm actually very happy with my life. I want to express myself in a way that I can change if, or when, my style changes as I grow up, something I can't do if I get a tattoo.
Thanks,
Melanie

Answer
Melanie-

Good news and bad news.  The Good news is that God doesn't really care what you wear, how you're pierced, what color your nail polish is.  The Bad news is that if your parents are paying for your college education, then they may very well have a say in how you look.  I think you're old enough to decide that for yourself, and if I were your parent, I'd let you do as you please in fashion as long as you continue to go to church and school and get good grades.  Unfortunately, I'm not your parent and you need to honor them.  I'd sit down and have a long talk with them about your faith and how you want to express yourself.  Dressing emo is no big deal - compare that with the way some girls your age dress that dress like sluts.  Try to reach a compromise with them.

As for the nose piercing, I'm of mixed emotions on that.  I don't think it's sanitary and could get infected, and I personally don't like the way it looks, but again that's just my opinion.  I wouldn't look down at you because of it, but many people will.  It may keep you from getting a job in some places, as well.

the issue here is that you're solid in your faith and I'm assuming you're a good student and well adjusted.  You need to ask your parents why they can't be satisfied with that and let you express yourself in fashion.

Hope this helps.  Please take the time to rate my answer.

hugs,
carl