Expert: Carl Fuglein - 10/19/2009

Question
Hi my name is Edgar and i ran into a huge problem. I was dating this girl for almost 3 years and i really loved her.
When me and her first started dating i cheated on her a few times i had sex with this girl and i kissed 3 girls  because I did not take the relationship seriously because i was scared of being hurt and I really did not know Christ. Everyone in my family has hurt me in some way I forgive them but I have huge trust issues that is one of the reasons i cheated.
Once I fell in love with this girl and realized what i had i would have never cheated on her again. ever. She found out about me cheating on her in the past but she found out about the sex and kissing but i did not tell her all of it. I still hate myself for what i did to her though. However after this happened we would talk about getting married and stuff like that.
Now about a month ago me and her started having problems. She is in high school and I am in college and she wanted to go to the homecoming dance, which i had no problem with, but she did not include me in who she was going to the dance with didn't ask me if i liked her date or anything and she was disrespecting me a lot, and i did not like this and i let this be known. This caused a bunch of problems. We decided that she would be on a break so that she could show me she loved me and she did everything that proved otherwise. Then 5 days after homecoming we broke up and then she told me she didn't know if she loved me anymore but that she is open to getting back together future. While all this was going on i would pray to God everyday and ask him to help me and to forgive me of my sins to make me and her be happy again and that I trust the right things will happen.
I was trying to do everything to show her i loved and still cared for her, but just a week later i found out she had sex with her homecoming date. I was devastated. She is the only person i have trusted in so long, and she hurt me so bad. I understand i basically deserve it because i did it to her, but i just cant seem to trust anyone because everyone i put trust in hurts me.
I forgive this girl for what she did but it just hurts so bad because she was the last person i expected anything like this from. She basically had a one night stand because before the whole homecoming thing came up she barely knew the guy. And before this the only person she had sex with was with me and I was planning on stopping because of God. I forgive her but i am hurting so bad i cant seem to forget about what she did. I am so hurt and what i want to ask is how should i deal this. I mean even though i forgive her i cannot stop thinking about what she did. I get all these images in my mind and it drives me crazy. I want this to go away. how to i do that. She had said she loved me and wanted to marry me but she goes and fornicates with this guy she barely met. What should i do. What type of forgiveness should i do. I am just so confused and hurt. When she tries to contact me i cant bear the thought of her so i don't talk to her but then i really care for her and miss the person she was before the homecoming things. please help me with this i am just lost but I trust God will help me and i believe reaching out is a step towards it.

Answer
Edgar-

i think the best thing you can do is forget about her and work on your relationship with God before you go out with any other girls.  You're accussing your girlfriend of fornicating with her date, yet you yourself fornicated with another girl while you were dating, plus kissing on 3 other girls.  Edgar, I don't think you're mature enough to have a real relationship quite yet.  I think you need to ask God forgiveness for your past transgressions, and ask Him to help you with your anger issues and trust issues.  I don't think counseling is a bad idea, either.  You just have too many things going on in your head to be properly concentrating on your college work and on building a relationship with God.  With God, there are no trust issues.

I know this isn't what you wanted to hear, but I think it's the best advice I can give you.  If you and your girlfriend are meant to be, it will ultimately happen, but I don't think it should happen until you both finish college.

Hope this helps.  Blessings,

carl