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About Brenda Martin
Expertise
I am a mother of 4 and I taught each of them the scriptures,I have used the bible to help my youths to get answers to their questions, so I am sure I can answer other youths also.The bible answers such questions as," what does God think of-- Homosexuality, sex before marriage,smoking, dating,drinking etc.Youths want answers, but sometimes it is difficult to find just where the bible speaks about such things, and that is where I come in, I will point them to the appropriate scriptures.

Experience
Mother of 4 and grandmother of 12,who conducted regular bible studies with her own children.

You are here: Experts > Teens > Spirituality/Religion for Teens > Christianity --Youth Issues > Dating a Non-Christian

Christianity --Youth Issues - Dating a Non-Christian

Expert: Brenda Martin - 11/3/2009

Question
QUESTION: Hello sir/madam.
i'm in love with a boy who is a non-christian. u abuses me and treats me badly. but i forgive him as i am a christian. i pray a lot for him but i'm seeing no change. i stopped talking to him for 8-10 days and completely surrendered him to God, then i saw a change in his behaviour, he confessed his fault and i again forgave him. now the same cycle is repaeating. wwhat sholuld i do so that he may know Jesus Christ. plz help, i do not want him to live in darkness, but whenever i say something about religion, he gets angry. he basically does'nt believe in any religion.
our relationship is also on rocks, but i love him and i don't want to disobey God. plz help me ,and suggest what can i do.
for few days i don't talk then he repents,he says he has lots of problems in life and he takes out the anger on me,.i want him to know our Jesus, but how is it possible,i don't know. i'm 26 now, and my parents wants me to get married but not getting correct boy. and i'm held in situation where i can't tell them that i'm in love with a non-christian. and he does'nt follow any religion. i know i'm doing wrong but i love him and i can't think that he'll be staying in dark. what should i do? should i completely surrender him to God.

ANSWER: HI Minal, you said--"Abuses me and treats me badly,seeing no change,same cycle is repaeating, he gets angry,relationship is on rocks,he has lots of problems in life and he takes out the anger on me".

From what youve said, you should end the relationship, it's not healthy, it is not your job to fix him, he has to do that himself.

If he changes then Jesus will "find him" but hes got to want to.

God says to "marry only in the Lord" & we can see the wisdom behind that command.

all the best
Brenda

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: M'am i'm trying my best to be away from him,but the moment i decide in my mind,he starts behaving well and then i'm held up in difficult situation.he is very reserved by nature. i then start feeling guilty that i'm hurting him,he stays very sad then. i have read about the Ungodly tie and i also prayed to break it,but i have become so weak that i don't know what to do. i used to think that maybe coz of me he will turn to God,but then i realised i'm wrong. If God wants He will change him acording to his will.. plz pray for me. and reply.
can i continue to pray for him? how can i know what God's plan are for me? Dear Sir, i feel bad that he is not knowing our Jesus and that makes me so much upset,plz pray for him also.
should i give a break for some time and be away from him so that i can come out of the tied emotions?

Answer
Hello again Minal :¬) Lets look at some of your points--

"i have become so weak that i don't know what to do"

Then we need to get ourselves "strong" & there is no better way than by studying God's word, lets see how it can stregthen us--

Sometimes Satan’s attacks come when we do not feel spiritually strong. A lion pounces upon a weakened animal. Family problems, economic hardship, or illness etc. can sap our spiritual strength. But let us not give up in doing what is pleasing to God, for Paul said: “When I am weak, then I am powerful.” (2 Corinthians 12:10; Galatians 6:9; 2 Thessalonians 3:13) What did he mean? He meant that the power of God can make up for our human weaknesses, provided we turn to God for strength. David’s victory over Goliath shows that God can and does strengthen his people.—Daniel 10:19.You can do the same if you “keep holding the pattern of healthful words”—if you feed yourself well spiritually. (2 Timothy 1:13)

"can i continue to pray for him?"

Yes; it is God's "will is that all sorts of men should be saved and come to an accurate knowledge of truth" (1 Timothy 2;4) which leads back to the first point, "accurate knowledge" of the bible is needed BEFORE we can help someone else.

"how can i know what God's plan are for me? "

God's plan for all of us & his earth, are explained in his word the bible, so lets see what he says about you dating a non christian--

"The Bible does not comment about “dating,” as this is a modern practice, but it does contain guiding principles.

Devoted Christians do not consider “dating” simply as recreation. Instead, they look upon it as an aspect of courtship, a serious step toward marriage. As to marriage, the Scriptures encourage selecting a mate who is “in the Lord,” a believer, and not just a person who ‘respects one’s beliefs.’ (1 Cor. 7:39) Hence, one who dated an unbeliever with a view to finding a marriage partner would be acting contrary to the Bible’s admonition.

Then, too, while some unbelievers may respect one’s beliefs, they themselves are not following the counsel of God’s Word. This being the case, they may be inclined to take certain liberties with one of the opposite sex. Not being immune to the desires of the flesh, a Christian might yield to temptation when with an unbeliever. “Do not be misled,” cautions the Bible. “Bad associations spoil useful habits.”—1 Cor. 15:33.

Even if immoral conduct is avoided, an unbeliever is not a good associate. A person who is not a devoted worshiper of God could not be a source of real encouragement to one who is. An unbeliever, while appearing to be a ‘good person’ and respecting the believer’s faith, still does not appreciate spiritual things. Lacking a spiritual outlook, he or she would not strengthen the believer in a determination to be faithful to God. On the contrary, since the unbeliever may be thinking of marriage, he would be encouraging the Christian to disregard God’s counsel about ‘marrying only in the Lord.’

It is therefore wise for a Christian to look for possible marriage mates only among those who are believers and who possess spirituality.—Compare Deuteronomy 7:3, 4; Nehemiah 13:26, 27; Malachi 2:10-12.

"should i give a break for some time and be away from him so that i can come out of the tied emotions?"

I think thats an excellent idea, but just staying away is not enough,use your time wisely & strenghten yourself as a Christian to become strong enough to make good decisions based on God's word.

I am one of Jehovah's Witnesses & we offer free home bible studies, or we could chat here about the bible & God's plan for us :¬)

all the best
Brenda

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