Expert: Carl Fuglein - 11/8/2009

Question
My name is Derrick I'm 14 years old, I have a new step brother as of almost 4 months ago, from day one he started teasing me. He is 15 years old and he is good at every sport but especially baseball, he also hunts animals for sport. He always brags about killing stuff.

He calls me a "faggot" and he makes jokes to everyone at school saying that I do gay things with my best friend. He says that I'm going to get jumped for being a "fag". I know he would really do it.

I admit that I am not the toughest guy you will meet. I don't hunt and I suck at most sports and I take ballet and theater lessons.

I'm not gay and as far as I know my best friend is not gay and we have never done anything with each other. Since I am in ballet dancing and in theater I obviously know some gay kids and I have nothing against them, I'm just not one of them.

I can never have the guys from my dance class at the house because my step brother will call us all fags. He did it the last time and his Dad just laughs.

I prayed to God to make him stop and soon after I started finding solid evidence that all the things my step brother accuses me of doing he is doing himself. He acts tough and always talks about how he hates gay people but I have watched, seen, heard and read proof that he is not straight like he claims.

Unless you really want to know what specific proof I have, I won't tell you but let me say that I could easily ruin him among his friends with it. Today he just got on my nerves so bad I wanted to cry. My friend was over and my step brother kept asking if we were going to make out and when I tried to leave he slapped the side of my head so hard that my head hurt for 3 hours.  

Would it be wrong to tell him everything I know and that I saved the evidence and if one more bad thing happens I'm going to tell everyone?

My Mom tries to help but she doesn't really do anything except say "boys be nice" and his Dad just laughs.

Is there anything in the Bible, that would make this a sin?

I think this is the answer to my prayers because I don't have to embarrass him, I just have to tell him that I know what he does with at least 2 of his so called "tough" friends. I don't think it's blackmail because I'm not trying to make him do something unreasonable, I just want him to leave me alone.

If I find out that I am not breaking God's laws then I'm going to do it and put an end to my step brothers abuse.

Please hurry this is extremely urgent and important to me. Thanks.

Answer
D Roc-

I thought I sent you a long answer to this, but it doesn't seem to be posted, so I'll try again.

Do NOT blackmail your brother - that will only exasperate the situation. This is a serious issue that needs to be dealt with, but blackmail is not the answer.

Every time your brother verbally abuses you, just ignore him.  He's baiting you to get you into a fight.  Don't respond, just walk away as if nothing happened.  

Using Matthew 18 as a model, confront your brother.  Explain to him that what he is doing is wrong as it disrepects you.  If he ignores you, go to your mom.  If she she won't stand up for you, then go to your dad or step-dad.  If they won't do anything about the situation, go to school counselor.

I also recommend youth group.  If you don't have youth group at your church, go to another one.  Youth group, as a rule, are safe havens for everyone.  Talk to your youth minister or leader for tips on how to handle bullying.


here's a website that might be able to help you
http://www.walking-wounded.net/html/_christians___bullying__youth.html

Here's an article about bullying.
http://www.dltk-kids.com/articles/child_violence.htm

As a drastic measure that will have both positive and negative consequences is calling 911 when your brother hits you, assuming he hits you hard enough to bruise.  Call 911 and tell then your brother hit you so hard, and you're afraid he's going to hit you again and you don't know what to do.  They will send the police.  The negatives:  you could be taken temporarily and placed in foster care (worst case); everyone will be mad at you; people will talk about police coming to your house.  Positives:  It should wake up your brother to the notion that what he's doing is wrong; it may make mom and step-dad more aware of the bullying isse and do something about it.

Whatever you do, do something.  Bullying is serious and you have a right to take ballet and theater without being harrassed.  Stick up for yourself.  It takes a real man to do ballet.

hope this helps.

Carl