Expert: Susan Milillo - 11/16/2009

Question
me and my ex girlfriend broke up a year ago, well she left me because she wanted to see if she would b happy with out me. a couple months ago we met up we talked about us and she ended cheating on her new boy friend with me. i ask her why we could not be together if we still love each other, she said we just cant, the time its not now for us, so i wonder n wonder what was goin on , so she finaly told me she was pregnant she 19 n hes 30. she keeps tellin me she loves me she misses me, .this guy goes tru her phone, emails, phone bill, everythin just to check shes not talkin to me..i have ask many times WHY IS SHE WITH HIM IF SUPPOSTLY SHE LOVES ME, she says she dont kno, she tells me she dont love him, n the everyday she wishes i was the dad of her baby.. that its easier for her now thas shes pregnant tha after the baby is born she will make her desicion...so i told the i love her to death, but i was goin to step back n wen ever she was ready to look 4me..i just want to know wat should i do,,should i wait. should i move on..please help me, this girl was ma everythin at one point..bein thru hell wif out her..thank you so much

Answer
Dear Xavier,

 I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time!

Well, a couple things:

I'd encourage you to encourage your x-girlfriend to do what she thinks is right, not what feels easiest. I know it may seem least confrontational to just stay with the father of her child until the baby is born - but if she does not love him, and does not want to be with him, she should not be leading him along .  It's deceitful , and she's causing herself all kinds of stress which also is not easy.

Secondly - and I know this is not maybe what you were thinking I was going to say -- but whenever God's laws are ignored, things get messy.  God didn't intend for people to be having sex unless they had a lifelong committment to only each other, anyway.  It brings about ties and connections that are not meant to be broken apart!  
Please let God be your Lord - and see where that leads you.

Besides encouraging her to do what is right , I think waiting is the best thing you can do.  Find out if there really is hope for the two of you to maybe get married after the baby is born, or sometime after that .  -- if she is just stringing you along like she seems to be stringing along this other guy - maybe in some different sort of way -- I would say don't wait for her . -
But if she is really in her heart committed to you, and is planning on coming back to you, I'd say wait for her.  

But too, think seriously about the qualities you want in a future wife. . . don't have her pulling your heart around by a string, you be in charge of your own heart - rather let God be in charge of your heart - and do what you think is right before God.

Love and prayers,
Susan M.