Expert: Carl Fuglein - 12/22/2009

Question
Recently, I discovered that my 15 yr old daughter has been cutting herself. She tells me that she has been doing this for a couple of weeks, but I believe it has been longer. She knows the Lord, as do the rest of the family. She doesn't want me to discuss this w/ anyone who knows her, so I decided to write you. When I asked her why she started this, and what she gets from it, she stated the following reasons: control, distraction, and attention. I was glad that she was able to identify her reasons, and thought that if we could address those needs that she has, perhaps the 'need' to cut would dissipate. However, I strongly believe in the word of God, and Prov 3:5-6 are my life verses, so I've been praying for His guidance and wisdom on this. I will prayerfully consider your response, and pray for you to have wisdom to respond as HE would have you to.
Some other information...She hasn't been cutting very deeply. She refers to her cuts as paper cuts and seems to think that makes a difference. She doesn't get along very well with her father, although they both try. We are quite strict as parents, but have been trying to give her more freedom and opportunity to spend time w/ friends. She goes to a very small Christian school. Thank you for your willingness to serve the Lord in this way.  

Answer
Linda-

Thank you for trusting me and contacting me.  I have not had any students that cut (that I know of), so I haven't done a lot of research into it.  What I do know is that it is a form of control and request for attention.  Your daughter has already stated the reasons, but has she asked for help?  Asking for help is contradictory to cutting, for the cutter needs to have control over her actions and feels like outside help isn't necessary.  Yet it is necessary.  It's unlikely that one day she'll just stop.  As her mother, she has taken a big step in even talking to you about it.  I recommend that you find a local Christian counselor and get family counseling, counseling for her, or counseling for yourself.

here is a link to a Christian site that I trust.  It has a number of other links that they trust, so you can probably find some good help.

http://christiananswers.net/q-eden/cutting.html

I'm sorry I'm not able to offer more assistance.  I've just not had the experience of dealing with it.  I pray that you and your family can get some assistance.

blessings,

Carl

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